She was beautiful as the sunset

But her soul was darker than the night

She was so easy to smile
But her smile was full of deceit

I thought she was a friend from when I first saw her,

She was charming and sweet and very beautiful,

Soon we became close and I would say even inseparable,

But in beneath the beauty, she was just a facade,

Like an illusion she was hypnotic,

Her mannerism was full of elegance,

Deep down she was an earth filled with secrets,

Her only flaw, she was a beautiful liar,

And my only flaw was I believed her,

I thought our friendship was a garden of dandelions,

Dreamy and aloof from the world,

Later i realised it was just a garden with weeds that were toxic,

With every secret I shared, I thought I was watering a beautiful garden,

But then later, she would come to prune and plant seeds of deceit,

Everytime I let her into my soul, everytime she would intoxicate me with lies,

I thought we would be forever, the kind of friendship to pass onto generations to come,

This was until I found out she had been feeding me lies and lies,

Everything about her was based on a lie,

From her gentle smile to her graceful walks,

From her fake loyalty to her easy charm,

She indeed was beautiful to the eye,

But all that beauty was nothing because her heart was full of illusion

I bet herself, she believed in her lies that she carried them around with such ease,

She was a beautiful liar and I once believed her,

I once was hypnotised by her, but now I know better,

The beautiful girl was just but a beautiful liar

i wrote you
a letter every day
letters to tell you
just how i feel

written in neat, curved
writing i told you
just how sweet
i thought you were
how you made my heart
glow

letters in which i wrote
with various colors of ink
pouring out my whole being
to you

i wrote you
a letter every day.

i wrote you letters in which
i told you how you made me
bloom.

eventually
i found myself
pressing harder on
the paper
than i had before.

creating tears in them
similar in shape
and size
as the ones
inside of me.

i began to send
letters
with creases
and bumps
and stains
splattered with tears

pouring
from my eyes

as i wrote
the anger
bubbling within me.

my last letter
addressed to you
contained
no words

but was blank.
because
i had none that

could reach
as far

and deep

into the cracks
of my
heart

to describe
just
what you

had left
of me.

Lost
Empty
Apathetic
Varying degrees of self hatred
Effortlessly breaking me down

Making me doubt
Everything we ever were

Asking politely
Let me be
Or learn to grow
Not digress
Existing in solitude is what I do best

Almost
found a hope that prevails
reaching for me under a starlit tent
Almost
built a boat that sails
across all oceans as they bend
Almost
filled my book with tales
an anthology of moments I didn't attend

Almost
what a terrible word
holding such a stinging truth
Almost
felt like it's all worth the hurt
while wasting years of restless youth
Almost
called out and haven't been unheard
found something I couldn't lose


Almost
thought any path would get me there
where wholesomeness is not just hearsay
Almost
kept a fire in sight that brought me to where
I would find the light of day
Almost
made them proud of me, made them care
made them listen to what I had to say

And now
from where I stand
a lyrical sadness
paper in my hand
I know this is true
                                                            ­             I can almost see you

She hits the bottle
like she’s playing blackjack
Always wanting more
And inevitably losing it all

She stands in the remains
Of the destruction she’s caused
Filled with regret
Finding salvation
At the bottom of a glass

Coming home jubilant
To speak of all her successes
And all I hear is a buzz
The slurs in her speech
And lose sight of all else

Hearing loosely threaded stories
From that point on
Trying to find the holes
Where the honesty shines through
Knowing she’s far too happy
To be telling the truth

Filled with self loathing
Reeking of liquid courage
Losing her grip on what lies
She’s told before

She loops
And falters
At which point
I close my ears and walk away
Not wishing to waste my time
On tall tales and a tossup
No matter which side the coin lands
I’ve lost myself
In this battle with your illness