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Apr 2023 · 111
"THE EXPLODING HEART"
ScaR SavagE Apr 2023
Sometimes, I can't hold it together,
My silence isn't really strength,
Sometimes, it's an emotional shock,
So my silence is to keep me from falling apart,
Sometimes, I just need a solid a hug,
To keep all my broken pieces from falling apart,
But sometimes, it's just too much to ask,
Because everyone assumes I'm in no need for human affection,
Most times, I just hold my breath,
I feel my exploding heart in my neck,
Sometimes, I just need a hug,
Something genuine where people aren't trying to take advantage to feel me up.
Jul 2022 · 226
WHEN THE SIREN SCREAMS
ScaR SavagE Jul 2022
Have you ever seen a banshee cry?
Or heard a siren scream?
Have you ever seen such beauty in her tragedies?

Have you ever questioned why the banshee stays screaming?
Maybe her screaming is actually weeping,
Have you ever wondered WHY the Siren serenades?
Maybe her song is a lullaby of death,

Her beautiful song sings a melody of disdain,
And the banshee's unpleasant exterior is a reflection of her everlasting ache,

And maybe just maybe I can relate..
To two different types of creatures from land and sea with feelings astray,

Pretty on the outside,
Putrid on the inside,
Singing, screaming songs of pains and woes,
Masking the aches through alluring songs and enchanted smiles,

But you KNOW that when the Siren SCREAMS instead of sings they took something so dear to validate her painful tune of decay
Apr 2022 · 88
SHE SMELLS LIKE
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
She's like Hypnotic Poison,
A bittersweet juicy fruit,
But fallen far from the rotten tree,
Her kiss like belladonna,
The beautiful flower also known as Deadly nightshade,
It all depends on how you approach her,
A sour patch kid, she can be sweet but then she's sour,
She throws hands like an older brother,
But she can be loving like a mother,
Her love is like a gamble,
It all depends on the deck you handle,
To those fortunate enough to know her...  She's a bubbly comforting ray of sunshine on the gloomiest of days,
Although she's stained with pain,
It's beautiful see,
It makes you feel like your not stained by life and misery,
Sometimes you'll miss her sorrow,
It lets you know SHES REAL,
She wears the stain of life so well,
As if parading the latest trend,
She makes a mockery at all her pain,
like she never felt the sting of it,
He says she smells like a smoke machine,
I guess the compliment is fitting,
She clouds the mind then dissapates,
As easily as she came,
She's open yet her walls are high,
Puts the wall of china to shame,
She only brings her walls down,
If you stop trying to climb them,
She's sickly sweet like ******,
Addicting, she feels good but you know you can't control her,
She swallows your soul whole, she draws out your darkest secrets,
Romanticizing all of it,
She smells like a Halloween smoke machine,
Smoke and mirrors,
A tantalizing scene,
She drinks like she's about to swallow an entire ocean,
Inhales cigarettes and *** like it gives her air to breath,
She covers up the smell of disdain,
But she's still a smoke machine,
And everyone calls her Savage but her name is PRIMA JEAN
Inspired by a boy who said I smell like a smoke machine
Apr 2022 · 66
THE BROKEN HALF PRINCESS
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
There once was a broken half princess,
That needed a well matching half,
She one day pulled out her heart,
Then kept it safe in a jar,
It floated in her tears for months and months,
A year or 2 later shook that old jar,
And saw it has been long enough,
With fear in her mind and hope in her heart,
She finally opened that jar,
Along came a prince in her sight,
she thought was worthy enough,
So she trusted him with her broken heart,
He held it until it was warm,
Then heard it beat like a drum,
She said "FINALLY, put it back in its place",
The charming prince completed her broken half,
Months later she started to rot,
With the stench of deceit and a wandering eye,
She thought she was more than enough.... For him to crown her #1,
Sometime later he decided she wasn't enough,
Now Dethroned to take second place,
When she asked why he lied in her face,
With his guitar played her a melody of decay,
Quickly draining her of a beautiful soul,
Her body riddled with pain,
As his body was stained with someone else's skin,
Like it was some kinda of twisted parade,
The broken princess said "I've had enough!",
So she pulled out her bleeding heart and tore it in half,
Saddened with his selfishness,
She locked herself up in that tower again,
This prince kissed her cheek that poisoned her skin,
Then she said: "sorry I wasn't enough...."  And never dared to love again
       -Dedicated to: Hector G.
Apr 2022 · 68
YOU HAVENT SEEN ME SMILE
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
You haven't seen me smile..
For a long, long time now,
I bet you thought the light's out,
I bet you thought nobody's home,
Well, I haven't been around much...
But I guarantee you I was still here,
I was watching from a distance,
What you do in shadows thinking I'm not there,
You haven't seen her smile in a while,
I bet you thought you cut her lights out,
Your like a Double sided 2-faced coin,
Thought you could handle two guns and a fire,
You got your finger in the trigger...
But your trigger finger's MINE,
Shot yourself in one foot,
And tripped over the other,
I bet you saw her cry alot,
I bet you told your friends,
We haven't smiled for a while ...
But we'll see who's laughing at the END.
#betrayal
Apr 2022 · 60
-BABYGIRL-
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
The day I gave you life,
Heard your first gasp was the scariest day of my life,
It was wholesome, it was AWESOME,
It was THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE,
The day you took your first steps you bumped your head and didn't even make a sound,
I swooped you up, carried you in my arms & off to the Doctor we went,
But everything was ok,
The day you were ***** trained, you picked up so fast,
And by surprise learned something we have never taught you,
The day your father died,
YOU'RE ALL I HAD & a piece of me also died with dad,
And you were such a big girl... You watched me slowly decay in bed,
I never cried, but I died for days on END,

You told me:
"Mommy, everything is going to be ok, I love you.. YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY EVER"

And those were the best words I ever heard in my existence,
It's always been just you and me, and now the distance it's killing me again,
But I know I'm working on myself today,
It aches in my soul EVERYDAY...
But babygirl... it's ALL FOR YOU,
And we will be together again someday.
A poem to my Daughter
Apr 2022 · 64
DEAR REMI
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
All you have is my silence,
Because you've heard me vent and talk all day,
And now I'm in your absence And i don't know what to say,
Now that I come home to nothing it's starting to feel like my gilded cage,
And now i ain't got nothing but the four walls and the static noise inside my head,
There's a million things I wish I could have done better,
But all in all I'm thankful for those days you stuck with me thru stormy weather,
And losing you means so much more than anyone could ever know,
Our silent bond was strong like carbide it radiated in volumes,
And now the silence seems so loud I have so many feelings that words can't muster...
But you will ALWAYS have ALL MY LOVE in this static silence and a special place within my cardboard heart
#demise#pet#rat
Apr 2022 · 63
SMILE FOR A WEEK
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
Your like a fake diamond ring,
Pretty to look at but can only make me smile for a week,
Before the vagueness of it's molecule turns your finger green,
Ya, I'm saying you are fake as ****,
You and your buddy are just sitting ducks,
*** I don't give a **** about a soul now,
I was on my way to turn into solid gold but how?
Now that you reminded me exactly why I only trust myself and **** everybody else!
I'm on a mission to destroy you,
Ya, you came in really strong shinning like a golden dollar,
But now with time you've lost all your luster,
It's too bad,
So sad,
You can never treat a woman right,
Now tell me who's the lonely one now?
Tell me what you really got?
Show me what I haven't got?
Tell this bitter melon again that her anger will keep her lonely until her dying day,
Who the hell is gonna keep you company?
No one!
*** no one likes a narcissistic liar,
No one trust a flaunter,
All the evidence of your destruction is making you sink faster!
I told you!
**** with me,
I'll ******* twice,
I will destroy your entire life,
Everything you held so dear that you cherish will be mine,
I will strip you like a freshly waxed floor of your ego, your ***** appointments coming to a sudden halt, that job that makes you all that money imma take that too,
You made a grave mistake in thinking that I was too weak to get away,
My pain isn't a weakness it's my energy,
I'm small but blow up in your hand like a hand grande ,
I locked my sights onto you I'm coming in silent like a ******,
Shoot to ****,
Trust me I got an Ill will,
Your fake as ****,
Could only make me smile for about a week,
then after that you turn the soul to green,
but not me!
I don't even have a soul to sell,
I pawned that **** so long ago,
I am something that you won't forget until your dead,
Run that sorry line by me again,
Prove to me your a "Real Man",
I'll pull your sheets as your on your knees kissing my hands,
I can assure you I am something you will definitely regret!
Apr 2022 · 46
BLACK HORSE
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
I was in a rush,
Rush that pushed too far,
Weekend warrior converted to a carrier for the monkey on her back,
She can handle the monkey on her back...
******* it's a gorilla now,
Holds her tightly in a chokehold,
Dispersing inner demons, rage and a pseudo sense of happiness,
Years now passed living thru her hollow shell,
She don't feel.. not anymore,
Not since she jumped back on that black horse,
It was time to retire this tired horse,
And her broken soul as well,
Too many years she saw her soul mixed in a silver spoon and needle,
She learned to tame an unrelenting horse,
For years with no triggers at all,
Then suddenly the silent killer crossed her path again....
Beckoned her BACK,
It's so alluring... Her mystery,
But it's just a trap,
And here I find myself again riding the black horse on an aluminum foil road,
Watching life disappear... as she's lost up in smoke.
#tar#relapse
Apr 2022 · 56
BY MY SKIN
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
I am judged by my skin ONLY,
Frowned upon on by my skin,
Minimized by my skin.

Opportunity and second chances are never given,
I'm taken for granted,
Treated like a dummy,
BY MY SKIN,

Not by race, sexuality, social status or my gender,
But by the way I chose to express myself,
By the way I turned my body into art,
A road map of collaborated stories,
Permanently imbedded in my skin,

I face prejudice and disapproving scrunched up glances on a DAILY,
As if I'm a walking sin,
Not because I'm black, white, red or yellow.... But because of the Ink tattooed upon my skin,

Because I chose to match the outside with what's on the inside,
Because I'm not ashamed to display who I really am,
I don't live by the approval of others,
I balance on the razors edge on a DAILY,

I cut my chances to come up by half,
When I chose to mark my skin,
Because being tattooed, a walking work of art, a circus sideshow freak show,
Is just like being black,

I'M JUDGED BY MY APPEARANCE ALONE,
In the ignorant public eyes I'm just an uneducated high school dropout, gangbanger, criminal or addict,
Even though IM NONE OF THOSE THINGS,
Never given the chance to know me,
Just dismiss me *** they think they KNOW ME,

People lock their doors when I walk by,
Hide their children, wallets, and belongings,
Despite my education, my experience and lengthy diverse resumes,
They won't hire me because they judge me BY MY SKIN.
Apr 2022 · 50
RECYCLED SOULS
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
I have come across many broken souls,
Angel's that fell from heaven and landed in blood,
We are the degenerate generation,
Victims of environment and circumstance,
Those who had no guidance stood no chance,
Some were thrown to snake pit and didn't last,
Some of us brushed off the dust and just danced,
Unscathed like water couldn't touch a flame,
Looked the devil in the face told him I was game,
I'm no lame and I'll step over all his flames,
Everyday I come across another story that reigned in blood and glory,
Gives enough of a spark to ignite a fire in me,
Everytime I feel weak I remember all the faces, and the stories every angel bathed in blood had told me,
Never lie down,  prove them all wrong and conquer thee,
Then only then will your soul truly be FREE.
Apr 2022 · 62
WE DON'T TALK
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
Today I had a really exciting day,
I couldn't wait to send you a txt but ..... Wait..
I forget, that was yesterday..
And today's another day I'm alone AGAIN,
But I couldn't wait to vent,
And I couldn't wait to laugh, I completely forgot that you aren't there & this is our last good bye,
And I have no one else to pass the time,
Dry my own tears every night,
Like it's just a piece of pie,
And I can't tell you how many times I wanna die,
But I keep it all inside,
*** I'm not yours,
And you were never mine,
I hold myself at night to keep all my pieces in place inside,
So I don't lose my whole self this time,
And I picked up the phone to tell you what's on my mind,
But we ain't cool like that,
You ****** up my whole mind,
Im screaming deep inside and no one pays me any mind,
I smiled when I saw your name pop up,
I wanted to make you laugh,
Picked up the phone then I  remembered... We are done,
And we don't talk like that anymore.
Apr 2022 · 189
IN THE DARK
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
Sometimes I miss the DARKNESS..
It's where I always feel safe,
Where shadows never follow... Because they are created by LIGHT,
I've NEVER been a child of God,
I frolick in the night,
Sometimes I even miss the PAIN,
It makes me feel ALIVE,
They say "Come to the Light"
But that's too close to DYING, like flirting with suicide,
Sometimes I miss the darkness...
It's cool, crisp kiss upon thy cheek,
Right here I can cry FREELY,
And no one See's a tear,
I'm married to the darkness,
His cold- hearted bride frozen in Suspended time,
Because everybody knows if you follow the light...
YOU ARE SOON TO DIE,
And no one escapes the REAPER... for you cannot DIE TWICE.
Apr 2022 · 46
HER LAST PARTING WORDS
ScaR SavagE Apr 2022
I knew this day was coming..
WE knew it all along,
We didn't know when or where,
Dreaded that fateful call,
It was a sunny summer July day,
A day that soon turned grey,
On the 7th day of the 7th month your body would start decay,
It's a day I'll NEVER forget,
I day I'll never miss,
But it's not that day that hurt me the most.... It was the day BEFORE,
In the parking lot at Jon's liquor store,
When out her mouth came out these words:
"DADDY, I LOVE YOU, I want things to go back the way they used to be... It hurts me to see you out here this way"

At 6 yrs old her last parting words, they stung to me the most,
A week before they both were born,
I took the biggest pill I ever swallowed,
Soon that sunny summer day faded into grey,
I didn't cry, I didn't scream,
I went silent and NUMB for about a week,
That day I heard my soul shatter like glass,
He took a piece of me with him..
But it was her last parting words that BROKE my heart that day.
ScaR SavagE Oct 2020
I love your insecurities,
The things you see,that I don't see,
I examine you like a specimen, a wonder, like a new invention,
You'll never catch me staring,
But I'll tell you that I do,
I may not use words to express all that I harbor....
But, I use the language of my body and the curves of my spine,
Quench your thirst with my lips,
Press the mass of you against my borders,
I'll use all the things I Despise about myself, like I see no fault in them,
I'll kiss every scar on your body and caress everything you hate about yourself,
I'll change the bad taste on your tongue with a kiss sweet as cherry wine,
And although I throw blows like the arms of a brother,
I am tender with the love of a mother,
And I don't fear to see what your afraid to reveal,
I crave to taste all of you...
the good, the bad, the ugly. ALL THE THINGS YOU HATE YOURSELF.
-Scar Savage
Oct 2020 · 44
THE VOID IN THE SKY
ScaR SavagE Oct 2020
If I wish upon a star will my dreams ever come true?
If I hold the moon in my hands will I absorb it's light?
And if I do will it be bright enough for you to see me?
In the dark?
If I cover myself with the milky Way will it feel just like your embrace?
Or will I only be a miniscule speck in the mass of all its majesty?
Will I ever be the Apple of your eye?
And the fire in your *****?
Will my love burn hotter than the scorching sun or will you let it turn to ashes?
Will a kiss on the lips and a touch of your soul make you believe...
I am worthy enough to be placed on the highest pedal stool in the kingdom of your torn up heart?
Can two broken people put all their broken pieces together and mend the damage of lover's past.
or are we just too broken a void in the sky.
-Scar Savage
Oct 2020 · 52
SANCTUARY
ScaR SavagE Oct 2020
He said he was suffocating under the thumb of her love,
But HE called her a breath of fresh air,
He said he felt trapped by the life they had built,
But HE called all her boobie traps home,
He said he was blinded by puppy love,
But HE called her blinding love light,
He said the fire was dying there's nothing left inside,
But HE saw a smoldering flame that just needed the oxygen to live,
He said he felt imprisoned by her unwavering love...
But the other man called her his SANCTUARY.
Oct 2020 · 34
GALAXY BOOM
ScaR SavagE Oct 2020
You and I have a pull that makes everyone gravitate toward you,
Like a magnet of an opposite gravitational pull,
But we are two different stars in the same milky Way,
I am sorrowful and melancholy,
You are charismatic and endearing,
Yet this opposite attraction makes for the best distraction,
Your strong presence makes flowers bow at your feet,
While my silent manipulation demands respect when I walk into the room,
I set wild fires with every step,
While you send rain to smoother flame,
You and I are not so different...
In fact were one in the same,
We both inhabit in outer space,
And one can't be the other without each other,
Your like a supernova burning bright, ignites the sky until it finally explodes,
And I am like the black hole left behind after a super sonic galaxy boom.
Apr 2019 · 107
Crack’d
ScaR SavagE Apr 2019
You didn’t break the girl
Just nearly cracked her
She spun around so fast
She’s out of sight now

You didn’t break the girl
Just barely scratched her
Covers the damage you have done
It’s all despite you

Got close enough that you could touch her
you ****** that up, but how?
She’s miles from you now

She fills the cracks,
same way you fill the pavement when it has a crack or two

Cosmetic fix,
****** mix,
It’s in her blood too,
Beneath the makeup there’s a scar or two,

You didn’t break the girl....
Just left her cracked against the sidewalk,
You can fix a broken mirror but....
You’ll ALWAYS see the crack in it,
It stares right at you,

And with two glass eyes she’ll stare you down too.
Apr 2019 · 90
“We’re Women”
ScaR SavagE Apr 2019
We’re women.
Men have it easy....
Home is not the house you stand upon nor is it the land it’s sitting on,
It’s WOMEN,
We are the neck in which ever direction I turn, turns your head,
This house is a house of paper cards,
It crumbles in a fire,
It rots in water,
It’s WOMEN,
The backbone, the care & the shelter you call HOME,
Without ME...
you are just a man standing, children crying, lost and pouting,
I am a WOMAN,
Bringer of life,
Maker of Home & Love,
I am NEVER allowed to be seen crying,
To show emotion or have feelings,
We are “meant to look pretty” smile with grace thru the grit of my teeth,
I must remain a WOMAN.
Taker of all that’s impossible,
Splitting myself into so many others to...
Warm up your HOME, soften your heart when it’s too cold and rigid,
I am a WOMAN,
Always expected to be strong,
Full proof SMILE thru the ache and weakness,
So your house is not your HOME.
It is I WOMAN birthing of life,maker of husbands and home,
It is I WOMAN that rules the earth that makes your happy place
HOME.
Apr 2019 · 106
Sleeveless”
ScaR SavagE Apr 2019
I wear my ❤️ upon my sleeve
For all of you to SEE
Incase you thought I couldn’t feel...
But I feel EVERYTHING
Apr 2019 · 80
“Oh Well”
ScaR SavagE Apr 2019
I Press the cigarette against my skin until it bubbles and it pops,
Like water does when you over boil it,
I pick the scab until it bleeds
In the same way you left me,
I hurt myself to rid the pain,
But I don’t feel a thing,
I blur the lines between the versions of myself,
You call the monster within me, because the girl is nowhere to be seen,
I drown my sorrows by the sea,
I let you in but, you never saw me,
Then yet again...
I don’t know the reflection that stands before me,
I hoped with time the wound would heal, but that was just a myth,
I split myself into pieces so small you can’t ever collect,
They say I’ll go to heaven,
if only I repent,
But it’s too late.. I’ve become the serpent you regret,
I’ll wrap myself around you til your dying breath,
I’ll take you down below the ground to hell and you will never tell,
Scream and cry all that you want,
but no one will hear you now,
You thought that I was through with you,
Like you were through with me,
And all that I can really say is: “Oh well!"
With a side glance and a crooked smile.
Apr 2019 · 91
HOLE
ScaR SavagE Apr 2019
I've got a great big hole inside of me,
It’s eating up the rest of me,
I got a nasty case of the empty,
I stuff it with my vices but it never fills,
I don’t recognize the girl before me,
I let you take the rest of her,
I made my vow,
I’ll never love anyone again,
I’ll never open,
Never smile,
Never sing another song again,
I’ve got a great big hole inside of me,
Killing all that used to be,
I wear a shell,
You couldn’t tell?
I fake it very well,
**** it to hell,
I’ve worn this disguise since the day I fell.
Apr 2019 · 474
SUMMER-LOVE
ScaR SavagE Apr 2019
Don’t fall in love with me,
We know I’m not the one,
Don’t set your sights on me,
You know she’s just far gone,
Don’t try to buy my love,
Get clingy then I run,
I don’t believe in summer fun,
With summer love I’m DONE.
Apr 2019 · 86
SUMMER-DUMP
ScaR SavagE Apr 2019
I watch em frolick in the sun,
Reminiscing of a time...
A time when I was happy in the sun,
Now I stand here in the shade,
Cursing summer that I now hate,
I watch em holding hands,
Tied together with rubber bands,
They lean into each other share a kiss,
Something that I truly miss,
Was hoping love would last FOREVER....
But all I was a summerdump
Mar 2019 · 96
MOTHER NATURE
ScaR SavagE Mar 2019
You run thru my forests,
Set fires thru my grassy
Dry hair,
I warm your homes with firewood,
And feed your hunger with wildlife for it is in my nature,
You drink from my rivers,
I quench your thirst with my bodies of water,
You poison my oceans with the waste of your spills,
The curves of my body provide lands in which you foolishly ****, with your littering and machines you created,
I give you air to breathe so you may exist within my being,
My clouds cry acidic rain in despair of the abuse you may bring,
My lands & oceans make a blueprint that is my body...
I make life your very existstance,
But you've damaged my O-Zone layer,
Giving no care like a player,
Polluted my air with your venomous clouds,
And depleting my oxygen with every tree you've cut down,
You gamble in my deserts,
Sin in my cities, claim foreign lands,
But I can be alpha &/or Omega.. the beginning or the end of life,
I sing you faint lullaby's you can hear in the atmosphere,
You can feel the curves of my body in my forests, mountains, lakes and sea's,
You can ******* sorrow with every icy raindrop,
You can rejoice in the scent of the damp earth on a rainy day, the sweetness of a rose in a garden, or the bliss of a pine in a forest,
I am home to all that bleeds,
Mother to all that breathes,
I am the foundation of life,
I am mother to all... I am Mother Nature.
Feb 2019 · 118
Prima Jean
ScaR SavagE Feb 2019
I don't know who else to talk to...
I see a shrink but I can't even spill,
I got so many things to say but when it comes down to it the words and thoughts don't escape my lips,
The heaviness of the load is hard to carry,
The only time I can release is in the dark under the moonlight,
I walk outside, stare at the sky have lonely conversations with myself,
I feel so lost,
I have no will to even try to get myself out,
I look at myself now and I don't know who I am...
I don't like what I see,
I don't even recognize the reflection the stares upon me,
I can't even see the me before all of this,
I've gone so far that I can't even reach the old me,
The infinity of the nothingness I feel is quickly devouring me,
I contemplated suicide almost everyday,
The only reason that I stay is because I'm not that selfish,
I wanna die, I want to so bad but now I'm bound and I cannot go thru with it,
I cannot leave my baby with the emptiness Her father left me with after his death,
I grit my teeth and bare the weight,
My bones are slowly crushing,
But I can't leave my baby girl with the pain and hopelessness my passing will implant within
Feb 2019 · 90
FELLOW FRIEND
ScaR SavagE Feb 2019
Most times I stay silent,
My sight wandering off into space, into day, into the nothingness of life,
A billion of scrambled hopeless thoughts racing to crowd dark crevices of my mind,
Infecting the wellness of my psyche,
A cancer that makes you powerless in agonizing pain,
And I don't ask for much....
I don't wanna burden anyone with the weight I carry,
So I keep it,
Carry it.. til my arms are too heavy to hold up,
Til my legs give out and my knees bend with a struggle,
I don't expect much...
I don't want much,
I just needed ONE,
One person I can call a friend,
One person that can hold my hand....
One person I can say I can count on,
One person I can release all my anguish out to so that the weight don't wear we down,
Just one,
One person who cares,
When person whom I can count on BELIEVE KNOW that Everytime I'm in need they got me,
No hesitation, trade or game,
Just a true fellow friend
Feb 2019 · 95
"Daddy Didn't Call"
ScaR SavagE Feb 2019
Mommy, why Daddy didn't call?
She didn't know he'll never call again,
Not on this birthday or the next,
He left this Earth for a better place,
I couldn't bare to see her cry,
Not on this day,
This is HER day,
But the awful truth was eating me,
As I contemplated what words to say,
How to explain.. HE'S GONE.
She says:
"Mommy, can we look for Daddy?"
I held my breath,
We rode a train and then she said:
"He's not here.. I can't feel him.."
She knew the truth before it was ever said,
I knew that dreaded day would come,
When I'd have to tell her why,
Why he hasn't met up with her under the tree everyday for school,
Why he didn't call to say happy birthday to you,
So I put together a scrapbook,
Of all our memories with Dad,
One night as we swing side by side at the park,
I finally told her why....
I heard her heart cracking in half,
And this is why Daddy didn't call that day.
Feb 2019 · 121
The One
ScaR SavagE Feb 2019
Is she the one?
Truly, The ONE??
The one that eases stresses with just a sideways smile,
The one who's voice brings color to your world,
Tell me,
Did you find THE One?
The one that you were searching for,
The one talked and dreamed about both day and night,
Tell me... Is she the one?
The one that brings the sun to your grey days,
The one that kisses all your pains,
Is she the one you reach for at night?
When your body craves for warmth,
Is she the one that makes you feel invincible?
The one your heart skips beats for,
Tell me..
Have you found the one everyone speaks of?
The girl that compliments your dreams,
The girl that's equally your half?
Is she the one...?
The one that plants fluttering butterflies in your gut,
The one that completes your being?
Tell me.. is she the one to bear your children?
The most beautiful woman you ever seen?
Have you found the one who's scent is sweetness to you,
The one who's flaws you find perfection in,
Tell me have you found the girl who's touch you miss,
The one you never ever want to let go?
Tell me..
Have you found the one you want FOREVER,
The one that's home to you?
Tell me love, have you found the one you can be your true self with?
The one that wasn't me
Feb 2019 · 121
SHADOWS OF THE SEA
ScaR SavagE Feb 2019
She danced in circles by the Sea,
Barefoot, a hypnotic scene,
He gazed in awww, as her silhouette met with the sunset
A view like this has to be heaven sent,
she danced in circles as if carefree, drowning her sorrows by the Sea,
He watched her fondly... and for a minute buried all his woes,
under the sand where no one goes,
just for a moment in time the world rolls on,
We're stuck in a gaze,
We shared agony and love with such a Grace,
For one last time she danced in circles against a reddening sunset,
Eyes locked she got to see....
for one last time,
His smile,
His laughter and his humanity
This poem is about my late husband watching me hula hoop.  Just one of the few normal memories I have of him before his mental illness and demise.
Jan 2019 · 258
DAILY DOSE
ScaR SavagE Jan 2019
One pill for this,
One pill for that,
One pill to tilt,
One pill to numb,
One pill closer to dumb,
One pill to feel,
One pill to cry,
One pill to live,
One pill too close to die,
One pill to replace... and fill the hole you left behind.
Jan 2019 · 95
RAIN
ScaR SavagE Jan 2019
The rain keeps falling,
It's pooling at my feet,
It's also washing, **** it's clearing away all my dreams,
I'm left in disbelief of all the dreams that were piling at the gutter of my defective will,
I tell myself look just chill one day your will, will be done,
I sit here waiting look out the window watching raindrops fall,
Oh **** it's acid rain here to burn holes thru my brain,
I cannot cope my will it drains,
It's collecting in the rain,
My melancholic state reciprocates my gloom surrounding and the soul that's cracking deep within.
Jan 2019 · 112
LIFE-LINE
ScaR SavagE Jan 2019
I thought you were my life line,
But nah, you were my flat line,
The day that I was born you took my breath away,
And not in a good way,
I left myself and any good left in me that day...
The day you decided this should end,
I thought you were a direct line,
To my life ***,
But you were just a straight shot,
To a flat line,
My demise,
I thought you threw me a line,
To help me up,
Instead you were a death trap,
Painted in beautiful colors
Jan 2019 · 314
CLOSEST TO THE HEART
ScaR SavagE Jan 2019
I wouldn't be so lost...
If you would have just stayed with me..
I lost my place,
I lost my head,
I'm running in circles with no end,
I keep you to my left,
Left is closest to the heart,
I loved you more than I could ever love myself,
I wasted time,I wasted my peace of mind,
on YOU,
****, I wasted a lifetime when I erased your mistakes,
Your not my lover not even my friend,
Your now just a stranger that got lost in my head.
Dec 2018 · 86
AGAINST THE WORLD
ScaR SavagE Dec 2018
whatever happened to You and me against the world?
and when did you become the world against me?
when did declarations of Love become declarations of war and woe?
when did you stop being my lover and become my foe?
when did my best friend become my biggest threat?
when did hugs and kisses become a trade for sticks and Stones?
when did you begin breaking the bones you swore you'd mend?
when did longing loving stares become dagger threatening glares?
when did you decide to trade love in a for war?
hugs to scorns,
when did we stop fighting for eachother?
and start fighting one another?
when did you become the world against myself?
Dec 2018 · 114
By The Day
ScaR SavagE Dec 2018
Not a day goes by I don't whisper your name,
Speak to the winds,
Search in the sky for he brightest light,
At night the cool crisp air embraces me,
It's when I feel you the most,
No, you never speak,
Or answer my questions...
I take these dimes I find laying about as a token of your presence,
Trade my sorrows for vague signs of life,
But not a day goes by without missing you,
Without feeling like I'm only a partial of my former self
Dec 2018 · 77
THE LAST TIME I WAS HAPPY
ScaR SavagE Dec 2018
I know.. it's just a season,
It's just a picture,
It's just another lingering memory,
but it's not.
Just another candid moment caught in a dim lit whirlwind,
I know, it's just a picture...
but it's not what you see that I must stress,
See that day was special,
We admired beautiful sparkles of whites and blues,
We awwed at sculptures made of ice,
We laughed,
We loved,
We're intertwined,
Stood side-by-side..
Then, SNAP
a flash,
The end result, I caught your soul,
Printed on this photograph of US,
The last photo taken of you,
With you, this was the last time that I was happy,
The last photo as a family, and the last time I saw you smile,
I know.... it's just a picture,
Painting 1000 words to choke on, then quickly swallowed,
But it's not just any picture...
This one was the last time we were a FAMILY,
The last time we were "normal,"
The last time schizophrenia allowed you to be a father and a husband,
So you see, this one was special..
THIS WAS THE LAST TIME I WAS HAPPY.
Poem background: Last photo taken of my late husband was when we went to see the frozen ice sculptures. The last time he was normal
Dec 2018 · 203
"Pen-flow"
ScaR SavagE Dec 2018
Poetry flows thru my pen,
Like blood flows thru my veins,
If I try to just write a piece it fails because it wasn't naturally,
I jot down my best pieces when in a rage or melancholia,
I see words as pictures in my brain,
Playing movie rheels inside my head,
Words of sorrow flow thru my pen like a ship sailing across the deep blue sea,
No one really knows my sorrows,
I'm good at hiding what you cannot SEE.
Dec 2018 · 289
TOILET PAPER
ScaR SavagE Dec 2018
Your just like toilet paper...
See thru like a colorform,
Your just like toilet paper...
Use once and then destroy,
Your just like toilet paper...
Weak-willed tears up when in rain,
Your just like toilet paper...
Drop you in a porcelain thrown just rid of you like a bad habit,
Your just like Toilet Paper...
Wipe my *** with your face when I'm done giving a ****,
Your just like toilet paper...
You are only a DISPOSABLE poor excuse of a human being!
Dec 2018 · 143
ONE LAST TIME
ScaR SavagE Dec 2018
I know it was your time
But couldn't we just have another night?
Before you laid down to leave it all behind,
Just one more warm embrace,
Just one last look at your handsome face,
I know it was your time....
I could feel it all that you hide,
But couldn't we just had one last meal,
One last kiss,
One last sweet memory before you left us here behind.
Dec 2018 · 81
Some Day
ScaR SavagE Dec 2018
Some day I'll be able to speak your name without any pain,
One day I'll talk about all the wonderful things you said,
Some day I'll be able to talk about the highlights of our lives together,
But today I avoid mention of your name *** the ache is too much to handle,
One day I'll be able to speak your name without tears rolling down my face,
Some day I'll fully forgive myself & not carry survivors guilt that stained me after your death,
One day I too will close my eyes FOREVER return to the ground I lay on,
Some day I won't blame myself and will be able to speak about you without chocking back tears
Dec 2018 · 146
Don't Even Speak
ScaR SavagE Dec 2018
I don't even speak your name,
Doing so is just a waste,
No I don't call you out by name,
You and dog are all the same,
No won't even mutter under my breath,
Your name to my lips is poison that brings me to my death,
No I don't speak your name,
Because your name doesn't deserve a place upon my silent lips
Dec 2018 · 89
IF YOUR READING THIS
ScaR SavagE Dec 2018
Hey..
If your reading this know that you were chosen,
You were chosen to find this,
To find me,
If your reading this know that you are because I am no longer here,
I am now but a particle in the air,
I'm cut off like the human hair,
I am now blue like the sea,
I was hurt....
But you never see.... Until it was too late,
And my pain consumed me that I began to hate,
To hate every breathing waking day,
Stuck in a vessel where my soul now fades,
And the rising sun stings like sharpened blades,
If your reading this..
I'm sorry..
Sorry I couldn't be stronger,
Sorry I couldn't take it much longer,
If your reading this know you were 1 of the few people that touched my heart,
Maybe one of the people that broke it apart,
If your reading this....
Maybe you were my disappointment,
Maybe.. you drove me to finally disown MYSELF,
If your reading this... I onced Loved YOU- GOODBYE
Dec 2018 · 837
BATTLE INTERNAL
ScaR SavagE Dec 2018
I am my worst captive
A prisoner of my own kind
Nothing brings me down faster than my own mind
I am my worst enemy
Love then hate myself you see...  
I don't care to be me
But being me will never set me free
I am stubborn in my own beliefs
I bend my knees for no one and in time you'll see...
That the biggest battle and wars that I fight are all amongst MYSELF,
THATS RIGHT.
Dec 2018 · 595
THE GIRL AT CERRITOS PSYCH
ScaR SavagE Dec 2018
Sweet 16 was when I found myself roomed in Cerritos psych ward,
2 other girls roomed with me,
One kinda like me,
I still have a piece of her converse sneaker logo as a suvenir of my teenage years,
The other girl was a beautiful girl,
Who cried everyday,
And slattered makeup before going to bed,
A beautiful girl with a stain in her smile,
And a **** to her ego,
I sat in this room and saw many come and go,
I'm still stuck here....
With a suicidal mind a flow,
Self esteem sunk low,
Taste for life gone bland,
Took this hand full of pills,
Hope to sleep at last... FOREVER.
Didn't happen,
I'm getting stuck with needles on a daily,
Monitored my food intake on a daily,
Anorexia nervosa won't let me,
But the girl at Cerritos psych,
She still my roomie and others are gone....
Then back,
Then gone again,
The pretty girl at Cerritos psych,
With big eyes, full lips and gorgeous brunette hair,
She's still stuck in Cerritos psych,
*** daddy told her that she's ugly and she's worthless only has a use for one thing,
And to this day I wonder if she ever saw her reflection??
Has she finally seen beauty within?
Or is she still stuck in Cerritos psych ward
Nov 2018 · 72
"The Way He Loves"
ScaR SavagE Nov 2018
He loves me...
I can tell by the way he smiles at me,
He loves me...
I can tell by the way he looks at me,
He scars me...
With a single word he shoots me down,
He drowns me,
With words of sweet nothingness .
But I know.
Yes I know... He'll never leave,
*** I know he loves to torture me the most,
He Loves me...
I can tell by the way my face has swelled,
But he loves me.
I can tell by the shades of purples and green,
He calls me....
Only to soothe his own shame & guilt.
And drowns me...
In a sea of liquor so he can have his way with me.
But I.....
I stay.
*** I know nothing more....
Than this life of misuse and abuse.
But he loves me!
I can tell by his apologies,
But he loves me....
I can tell by the dozen roses he sent to me.
Oh he chokes me.....
With the same hands that once comfort me,
And he burns me,
Faster than a house on fire.
But he loves me.......
He can be violent, harsh, and sweet,
And I spend my days walking on a wire,
But he loves ME!!
I can tell by the way he says: "IM SORRY."
Nov 2018 · 101
SANITY OF THE INSANE
ScaR SavagE Nov 2018
"SANITY OF THE INSANE"
By: Let et ScaR

The dark spots on the floor are moving closer to me,
I don't know if its real, or if its dream.

The faint sounds that are afar seem up close, but no one hears their static noise but me....
I then start to question my own sanity,
And fail to recall, insanity is just a pattern.

We all wake to do the same mundane thing everyday,
Insanity is just doin the same thing over and over again.
Am I the only one to see these things?
And through a side glance I see shadows running free.
But when I turn to look they dissipate,
Should I question Insanity???
Nov 2018 · 64
IN A WEEK
ScaR SavagE Nov 2018
"IN A WEEK"
By: Let et ScaR

YEA, THEY LEFT ME
LEFT ME HERE.
THEY LEFT ME,
SOMEWHERE IN THE DRIED UP GRASS….

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
LEFT ME HERE.
HIGH & DRY BUT IT WONT LAST….
THEY'LL FIND ME DRIED IN THE SANDS OF TIME....

YEA,  THEY LEFT ME.
FORGOTTEN ALL I'VE DONE.
BUT THEY WONT SEE MY FRUITFUL WAYS,
UNTIL I'M LONG DEAD & GONE...

YEA, THEY FOUND ME.
SOMEWHERE IN AN EMPTY FIELD,
INCASED IN A FROZEN PARALLEL OF TIME.

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
WHEN I WAS HIGH & DRY ......
& MY TEAR DUCTS WERE TO DRY TO MUSTER A CRY.

YEA, THEY LEFT ME.
THEY LEFT ME HERE TO DIE.
WHEN THEY'VE TAKEN ALL I'VE HAD,
TO TURN THEIR BACKS WHEN I CAME BACK HUNGRY FOR AN ACT OF KINDNESS.

BUT NOW THEY'LL SEE.....
IN A ABOUT A WEEK.
WHEN THEY FIND ME...
& THE INSECTS HAVE ALREADY FED ON ME.

YA.....
THEY'LL SEE.  WHEN THEIR FRUITS AREN'T SWEET.
WHY THEY DON'T ENJOY....
CAUSE THEY ALL FED ON ME.
AND I ABSORBED ALL THEIR BITTERNESS, IN RETURN FOR FRUITFUL SEEDS.

BUT NOW THEY TOO....
WILL DECAY LIKE ME.
BECAUSE THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO SWALLOW THEIR PAIN.

AND THEY'LL REMEMBER....
THE DAY THEY WALKED AWAY...
AND LEFT ME HERE.
WHEN I WAS HIGH & DRY, TO DIE ALONE & RETURN ONCE MORE....
INTO THE GROUND
INTO THE DIRT THAT I ONCE CAME FROM
ONCE UPON A TIME.
Nov 2018 · 67
I MISS YOU
ScaR SavagE Nov 2018
I miss you.....
with a passion,
With a fire that has no extinguishing,
I miss you like a baby misses her blanket,
And the moon misses the eclipse of the sun.
I miss you.
Like a child misses her daddy,
And the ocean misses the tides,
I miss you.
Like night misses day and day misses night.
I need you like a diabetic needs insulin,
And the crazed need their meds.
I'm hungry....
For the warmth of your body, and the sweetness of your caress.
I'm craving.....
Like a dopefien in fasting and the vein to the needle.
But I.....
I miss you.
Like a soldier missing an arm and a leg
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