stop destroying your life
and yourself
for people who
don't deserve it.

i wanted so badly to be saved
and i wanted you to be the
one to do it.
but it turns out
people are never the
antidotes.
you were never the cure.
it turns out
you were killing me
all along.

The slowest
most painful
death you will ever have
is wanting someone
who doesn't want you.

When was the last time you ever cared about anything?
When was the last time you wished you didn't care?
How many times have you have you laid on your bedroom floor,
shaking,
thinking over and over again
it'll all be worth it some day.
Cause they tell you to keep going even though
You feel like you're going to die.
So what's the point?
And it hurts.
it hurts so bad,
but we keep going.

Snakes are sneaky
they slither through the grass
without making a sound.
When they bite
it is deadly.
Your words come out like venom
goes into my bloodstream
and nearly kills me.
The only difference is
you do it by making a lot of sound.
Yelling.
You like to yell.
But so do I.
Are my words venom to you as well?
Just before I die, you apologize.
I start breathing again
and I think you do too.
But everyone knows we do this
every weekend
and Snakes never just bite once.

You disappoint me
time after time again.
It doesn't bother me anymore.
I'm used to it.
Or maybe i wish i was used to it.
Maybe i should stop wishing
that you could be the person
I want.
Maybe one day you'll realize
the damage you have done.
But i don't think you ever will.
Cause time and time again
you never say sorry
when i tell people who you are
i say no he is not like that
he doesn't care what i feel
he doesn't care what hurts me.
He is nothing more than a child
stuck in a mans body.
Doesn't understand the effects of his words
and the earthquakes that he starts.
I am nothing more than a tiny
little house to you,
and you are the volcano
that sits right across from me.

I wanted to scream
at the top of my lungs
and tell you that if you're ever
looking for me
you know where to find me
and i'll always be here
waiting
but at this point i knew
i was just yelling
with lungs filled with water
and you would never hear me
but i will always be here
waiting

you are going to build your walls so high
and one day you will meet someone who
you'll let tear your walls down
and then one day they will wake up and change their mind
and it will feel like the ground is going to break
underneath you with each step you take
and you'll not want to wash your clothes or sheets ever again with the fear that
you're washing them out.
and you'll feel like you're going to die.
but the sun will shine again one day and your walls will build themselves back up.
you will be okay.

You're going to love someone with everything you have one day.
You are going to love so hard that it almost kills you.
It's going to feel like you're dying.
And maybe you are.
Maybe thats what love is
Maybe love is taking every single inch out of yourself until you are left
with nothing just so that the person you love is okay.
Maybe we take all of our warmth and put it into someone else
until we are left frozen and alone.
But maybe that isn't love.
maybe love is putting warmth into each other so no one is left in the cold.
Maybe I've been doing it wrong this whole ******* time and its time
to ******* be warm again.

It was 1 a.m.
I was at a bar,
you were probably
at your house,
drunk,
having people come over.
I texted you
and the first thing you
said to me was "come over"
but you and I
both know that wasn't
going to happen anymore.
I had to tell you I didn't
hate you.
Because the last time
I talked to you the words
poured out of my
mouth like lava
and I was sure you
would never talk to
me again.
But sure enough,
without even hesitating
the second my name popped
up on your screen
you told me to come see you.
And that's what drove
me crazy.
Despite everything
you still always wanted
to see me.
And that's what made me wonder,
despite us being so against
being together,
we can never leave each other
alone.
I could only think
you wanted me
as much as i want you,
but we both know
we will never
admit it.
Maybe two people
are meant to meet,
but can never be together.

I am not the the night
i took comfort in another women's
idea of a home.
I will not be defined by the man
who only took what he wanted
and not what would make me
happy.
nor will i be defined by the man
who i let lay hands on me
and forgave home plenty of times
after.
I am the coffee shop i sit in
alone in the middle of the
afternoon to gain my piece
of mind.
I am the sunset i drive into,
alone, on weekday nights.
I'm made of the flowers i pick for
myself and put in a vase.
I'm not what these people think
of me to be.
I am so much more wrapped into
human skin.
And if they don't understand that,
they will never understand you.

it hurt.
the kind of “what if” hurt.
what if it was me?
what if you got lost in my eyes
in the middle of night instead
of hers?
what if I never let you go?
she wasn’t there when
those cigarette burns
were fresh but I was.
she didn’t know,
but I did.
it should have been me.
it should have just
******* been me.

did you think you could just take
the most vulnerable parts of me
and then leave without saying a word,
like i wouldn't rage a storm on you?
like it hasn't happened to me before?
did you think you would be so special
that i would let you ruin me?
because you got the one girl that your teammates couldn't stop talking about.
because you used her.
because she told you about the things
that made her bones ache?
and then you left,
without saying one word.
did it make you feel good?
and now you can't even pick up
the phone and answer when she asks
why.
because you are that weak.
honey, let's be real here:
you could never handle this storm
and we both knew that.

My bones shattered beneath
my skin.
My rib cage could no longer
hold my heart steady.
The blood rushed
through my body.
And I had to force myself
to take a deep breath
one last time.
Theres no way I could
break like this again.
I dropped to my knees
and thought to myself
"I can't possibly
do this anymore."
And I swear that night
I could have drowned myself
in the shower.

It starts in my chest as a small burning flame.
I feel it go down my right arm and into the tips of my fingers.
Almost painful to the touch, my hands tingle.
Almost as if my soul was trying to reach out to anything that would reach back.
My face turns hot and red.
I try to take a deep breath but feel as if my lungs have quit their job.
I lose control of myself.

I can't decide if the grass is greener on the other side or if it just keeps getting brown as I walk to that side.
and I thought maybe if I drank myself to sleep tonight I'd stop having dreams about me dying.
have you ever noticed how the sky can be a bright blue on one side and the darkest black on the other right before it storms?
do you wonder if the bright blue side knows the dark black thunderstorm is coming,
or is it a surprise just as it is to us?
maybe if the storm waited a few more days or minutes it wouldn't have been as bad.
maybe it was always that bad.
maybe the rain is what makes the grass greener.

tell me about your favorite day in the whole
world.
tell me about your favorite soul in the whole
world.
tell me about the day your world fell, crushed, at your feet and how you made it through even when you were positive you were going to die.
tell me about your favorite thing on spring mornings.
tell me about how the crisp wind and autumn leaves make you feel after a hot summer.
tell me about your mom and dad.
did they show you kindness to no extent or did they shatter your dreams?
did it make you who you are today?
I don't just wanna know your name, I wanna know you.

One night I was sick and tired
of being weak
so I looked up at the sky and screamed for something to save me,
it turns out that I had received a pair of wings.

as much as i wanted to be wrong,
i knew i was right.
we are not meant to be.
two people cut from different cloths.
You and I.
two different branches
stemming from two different trees.
we never stood a chance.
this world couldn't handle two
huge weeping willows
put together as one.

When is it ever okay
for something to be so wrong
but feel so right?
Have you ever stopped
to ask yourself if it was just you
if you were just crazy
But what if its just that gut feeling
or what if its the illness
the doctor diagnosed you
with when you were
fifteen.
Do you embrace it...
or let it go?

I can always find a silver lining.
There was never a struggle that I couldn't handle.
But I cant handle this.

Growth is suppose to make you feel lost
it's suppose to make you feel scared.
But should it suffocate you?
Why do I feel like I am dying when I should be moving forward?

Dear God please tell me I am not dying.

Why is my life ending when it should be starting?
Their whispers ring in my ears through the night,
they wake me up at 7 A.M.

why the **** are you guys screaming at 7 A.M?

Please go back to bed.
We don't have to drown if we are not awake.
We can live in our dreams.
You are still smiling in my dreams.
I am still smiling in my dreams.
When I am awake I am dying.

How am I already ******* dying?