It seems I can't get away from my inevitable destruction

I've tried too many times to counterfit my emotions

And I've searched like a blind man drowning

I've put my best foot forward only to find myself running backward

I've laid my best intentions only to find the road to ruin paved with the best of them

I've said a thousand and more times sorry

Only to end up having to say a thousand times more

I've dared to dream my dreams and grasped only thin air

I've allowed myself to be used and abused time and time again

Like some twisted self flagellation

only to find my self unrepentant without even knowing it

I've hidden from the truth only to find it find me

I've doubled down and doubled myself over it

I've built walls to dam up my failings only to find holes in it

always one hole more than any fingers or toes I've got for it

Troubles always seem to find me and worries never leave my mind

I'm not afraid to cry

And here I am still hopeful I've got one more time left  in me, and the will to try

Who knows, one day I'll win the tittle and maybe...

Tea stained blotches
Slowly spread across
thick green leaves
as July is pulled into
August. Fat blackberries
Are scattered into hedgerows of
Cow parsley.
Brambles reach out their forked
Fingers and nettles swallow the pathways.
I am looking forward to autumn
When I am no longer in a busy emerald city
But instead in cool quiet
Trudging through golden bracken.

I see the lights through the window
Forming shapes in your ceiling
We lie in bed and you look at me
You don't say what you are thinking
But you smile and get closer.

I hear the traffic through my window
Keeping me awake till late at night
Too late to say what I was thinking
That time I wanted to stay
But left anyway.

i spent my life trying to please
someone with a twisted disease
i broke myself down
and tucked my feelings away
to become the person
they wanted me to be
i let myself be watched
through the glass of a two sided mirror
of a sociopath
i wallowed my spirit away
and begged for acceptance
but there’s nothing in the world
that i could do
to let the narcissist know
that i am human too

I'm sitting here
on the darkest night
when a poem comes
and says, "stay there",
and silence will be your friend.
Let's pretend
to know each other
even though
we never remember
faces like the people
we once loved.
I'll say this
and everything you hate
shut up.
You are victorious
over all solitude.