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I preserve your nearness
At the trunk of a hopeful future
Which I sprinkled with angel's hair

I got back home after the war
Stayed in a shack of glass
Surrounded by words and dreams
From colorful, deadly languages
At times I was talking to you
The wind's echo yelled answers
Blood was dripping from my eyes
Then I saw a white area of light
Immeasurable for the human eye
Populated by translucent children
Playing in my memories
So I opened my eyes wide

The blood was crusted
I scraped it off with a blade
You were somewhere out there

You're being out there
I preserve your nearness
Nearness
 Apr 8 Rainswood
maria
And your silence hums like a ringing in my ear.
My hand extended in mid-air
and yours lingering by your side.
Needed you then,
needed the sound,
but away, away, away you went.
Nothing left unsaid,
nothing said at all.
I just meditate on the lifeless air,
and talk myself in circles.
 Apr 8 Rainswood
jenna
hands
 Apr 8 Rainswood
jenna
glowing under fluorescent light,
end of shift, day emerging from night,
fingers bent gently at the edges of a book,
i should take a photo to remember,
but i’ll settle just to look
at the wrinkles of my knuckles,
always had a thing for hands,
callouses and broken skin
can tell you a lot on who someone is,
where they’re going, where they’ve been

i wonder what my hands portray,
(although i do not care)
in this light, on my thigh,
they remind me of a simpler time:
gripping my mother’s fingers,
watching her stir a ***,
or a cigarette held between;
but i reminisce quietly,
for my mother i am not.
I dip my pain and misery in glitter
to blind you with the joy and colors
but you’ve called my bluff
You looked close enough to see
washed out colors
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
Ashamed I look down
because I too was
blinded by all the glitter
So desperately I wanted to be who I’ve always been
so I held on to it
I kept it there for people to see
that I wasn’t completely,
broken
..
(And maybe I could even convince myself
that I was okay)
#2
I dream about you
knocking on my door
pulling me outside
into the rain
in the middle of
the night
raindrops look like
shooting stars
but you're like the sun
keeping us warm
let's go side by side
I'm sure we'll find
someplace
for you and I
love rain you dream
 Apr 7 Rainswood
fox
there is teeth, that i have, and there is marrow, which i do not,
because when we slaughter this year's chickens in preparation for a feast we will eat all of it,
just like you have taken my bones and emptied them,
you do not have teeth, resigned to suckle ,
i wish i was free of taint, there is teeth, that i have, and i wished i had ,had the nerve to bite back,
because there is only the remnants of a proboscis eating my marrow,
i was groomed as a child
Burst through from the other side
Jump on a bike
Take a ride

What thoughts inside my head
All this
While asleep in bed

Are dreams a real place?
Or just the space
Behind the face?
Sunlight shining on the flower
Giving bliss

it's photosynthesis

Neutrinos Cosmic fleas
interdimensional bee's

Long long ago
Deepest hole
Creation of coal
When things become difficult
I am not afraid to turn towards the source of pain.
Thus I asked: what is your greatest fear?

Failure is a path to learning.
To err is human.

You can never be abandoned.
Solitude is a blessing.

Damage is the chance we take.
It is the most genuine fear

known to all wounded healers.
Sometimes it's a tough world
to be a sensitive soul in.
Life [is] in motion.
A man once made me a ring on a metal lathe and promised to love me forever

So I filled his cup. Over and over. I poured from myself until I was empty.

I created and carried a life for him, I made us a home in which to live

And then I watched as all the walls cracked, and all the effort in the world couldn't hold it all together anymore

But I still tried, patching and sanding. Maybe if we fix the floors, maybe if we paint the walls, maybe if we get another pet

The mud ran out, the drywall broke, the voices cracked and carried until the neighbors could hear every word

And at the end, I built walls of paper, glue and paperclips, pasted on a smile and continued on

It's no surprise it all tumbled down
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