Waking up to a heavy chest
My body begging me to sleep again
And my anxiety begins the second I realize I'm alive
I'm trying to learn to function
With all of this negative energy inside me
I know it'll pass and
I know it'll get better
But right now it hurts
I feel unloved
Unloveable
I feel lost inside myself
A place I can't stay too long
Before I lose my mind
I can tell myself I'm worth it and
That my worth isn't defined by others
And it works for a bit
Until something else comes up and
My heart loses its energy
And I either feel like giving up
Or ready to fight everyone

I have a fear of commitment;
A fear I can't lose,
For holding onto stardust
Is something I can't do.

I have a fear of attachment;
A fear strong and true,
For clinging onto ashes
Is something I would do.

I have a fear of contentment;
One that sticks like glue,
For getting far too happy
Would **** me through and through.

I had a fear of commitment;
That is, until
I met you.

Tranquility equality
I pray this becomes my reality

Lick the words
from my lips
let them slide down
your throat
like fruited jewels,
   dark, hard candies
   that melt into cream
a healing liquid  
oozing into my
               ventricles,
pumping milky beats
out through
           your cells
permeating the deep
of my wild
  
My syllables will
   wrap themselves
      around your syntax
frothy hybrids
of buttered silk
                and irony
heart-to-heart
conversations that
flow into the ether,
as heaven's night
endlessly begins

We twirl our tongues
into guttural utterings,
lustful verse
that glides from
slick-fervored ice
to an outpour
                    of lava
We feed each other
dreams
our saliva like honey
dripping with dawn's
tender glow
as we open up
like baby birds,
begging to be nourished
at all costs

Here,
in this lingual forest
Your breath finds a home
on my tastebuds,
my tongue
in your
          cheek
            
In between the tumults
of our
exploding oceans
This
     is how we
  love

There is a reason I never return your calls

I don't have nothing to say
I wish I could forget about you
and all the memories we've made

There's a reason we only text

I can't hear your voice
I have no words to express my feelings
you don't make it easier

There's a reason I can't see you

I'm hurt
I don't want to cry or get mad
It can go both ways

I just don't want your face in my head
I don't want to see you in my dreams

I've been half lucid
half livid