I keep myself busy,
Try to make music,
With no knowledge on theory of music,
Try to make a game,
With no knowledge on coding,
I am engrossed in these works,
Work for days,
Exhaustion lurks,
I push myself too much on these,
I love these,
But the real reason,
To keep myself in a prison,
To not feel or remember,
Memories locked away,
To hide away in this work,
But then,
My work feels fake,
Everything mentally it takes,
And I end up resenting,
What I make

When you make a friend,
Someone who knows you,
And feel like she will stay till the end,
A feeling develops within you,
The more we talk,
The more this love is there for you,
A friend who would mock,
A friend who would talk,
About endless dreaming with you,
Make plans with you,
Always talking over text,
Everything is perfect,
And everything blinds you,
Cuz you love her,
But.....,
She never loved you,
You imagined a life with her,
U can't leave her,
And she loves someone else,
She will be with her lover,
And you can't even talk to anyone,
Cuz you loved her,
And she was your best friend too,
You have no one to talk to,
You don't know what to do,
Just.....,
Feel this familiar pain,
A pain you are used to,
This is what you get,
For being kind,
Loving,
Caring,
And good,
To someone so much,
Just pain,
Just tearstains,
And sleepless nights,
And empty stomach,
And broken heart,
You are not ready to smile again,
To try yet,
Cuz everytime,
This is what you get.

After so long feels good,
To write again,
Finally in the mood,
Finally more pain,
I thought it went away,
I'd never feel it again,
I guess now it's here to stay,
Finally more darkness,
Thought the light was a way,
The light was a lie,
Now I am not fighting it,
I will not even try,
This is what I like,
This is what I want,
This is my life.

Friend: who is she?
Me: someone who stays up all night,
And chat with me till no end,
In my dark world my guiding light,
A potion of happiness she can blend,
Never once did we ever fight,
Someone who chats with me with no end,
But....
Friend: but what? She sounds perfect!
Me: but....she is just a friend,
Her love string is not at my end,
Love letters I cannot send,
She is just,
A friend,
Friend: why do you wait for her message?
Me: because I love her
Friend: why do you not want to talk to her?
Me: because.....I love her

Surviving and living,
Both have the same meaning,
It is just the difference in feeling,
Let me begin explaining,
Surviving is staying alive,
Just for the sake of being alive,
Surviving is struggling,
Competing,
Fighting,
It is a rough journey,
Full of hatred and being lonely,
Whereas,
Living is surviving,
But with happiness as feeling,
It is a rough journey,
But feeling happy,
In every little story,
Feeling happy with oneself,
Happy with whatever is happening,
Even if your world is crumbling,
Find joy within the disaster,
The aesthetic within the storm,
Don't waste time competing,
Struggling and fighting,
Live life don't fight it,
Once you can smile through a storm,
When happiness is the feeling,
That's when you know,
You are living,
And not surviving.