Craving Felt better Than Using.
Why Is it?
What I once Was hooked On Was not How I imagined it to feel.
The Thoughts Gave Me a better feeling Than the actual Use of it.
For 2 years I Was feining For A Feeling That Ended up being 20x less than The reality if it.
How upsetting.
I'm Dissapoined For Failing But more upset At the fact that I've been Thinking Of it To Be Much Better Than I was Desiring it.
Wow

I battled Temptation For 2yrs.
Always Fantasising
On How it feels.
Missing That Intense Rush.
Feining For The Feeling That I was once hooked on.
I Failed To Stay Strong.
Not only Was I dissapointed At my Self , But dissapointed At the fact That I Did Not feel The Way I Was Craving it in My Head...
It Was Not As Good like I pictured. The Sensation Felt better in my imagination.
I Felt A Flow For
A Couple Minutes.
I'm So Mad.
I Did Not feel Different.
I Had The Physical Effects.
Dilated Eyes, no apitite, my face appeared Different.
I Didn't sleep For 2 Days And Felt No euphoria, energy, motivation through it.
Instead i Felt Fussy.
Ugh!
I Took A Risk For Bogus!
What a ****** waste.

I Tend To Always Want
To Walk Away
From Every Type Of Conflict.
Instead Of Staying
And Trying To See What We Can Work With.
I Give Up To Easily
& Feel if i Remove My Self
There Life Can Become Better.
i Make Myself. Suffer,
Just To Let Them Go So They Can Find A New Path
To Go Threw.
While inside Me
I Never Want To Set Them Free
But if They Stay
I Know im The One Who Just Dosnt Seem To understand
Or cooperate
With so many issues
floating in my head.

I’m not A normal Women.
I have issues That affect Not just me but my life entirely.
When I met You
Addiction was my only problem
You created Everything Els that causes daily doubts and arguments
I Was Once comfortable
In My own body.
like Everyone Els,
There are Things
I wish To Change Or have.
My Weight Didn't Bother me.
I didn't care about My physical Appearence much.
I Was Once Able To Go
A Full Month Without worrying About my looks.
until I Met You.
Everything Changed For me.
You Told me So Much.
Certain Likes,
Preferences & Dislikes.
What Your Taste in Women Are.
Hearing everything, I was far off.
Now Being Beautiful
is important to me.
Having A Smooth face, Slim Body *** And ****** Is What I feel I need To be Accepted And Liked.
Many Opportunties will Open And I will attract Friends.
Looking Beautiful In This World is The key To a happy life in my Eyes
Every Pretty Person I've seen
Is Happy with them self.
they have their Life together and living so well,
You are privileged in this world If You are goregeous.
It makes me cry
Every time I reach out for it.
I don't feel pleased When I'm about to Consume it.
It makes me feel horrible knowing I'm only doing this to forget the pain you put me through.
To Erase The memories .
How I wish I never went through this. Everyday I'm wishing I looked beautiful .
Light skin, well dressed, *** & big ****** like
You happily explained your type
All I Want is To Feel Happiness.
Go A Full Day Without Worrying About Nothing Naturally.
I Don't know how to See The beauty Life provides.
To Feel The Breeze And Have The sun Shine on me.

I owe myself
The biggest apology.
For putting up
With what I didn’t
deserve For so long .

Sometimes, we just have to let go of someone who matters to us not because we have to, but because its the right thing to do.
Believe Me.
I Love Him Deeply
I Love Him So Much I Want Him To be Set Free
All i Give him
Is Disappointments Pain and misery
I Want Him
To Be With Somebody That's Opposite Of me.
A Normal Girl
No issues No Addictions
A Lovely Girl Thats Experienced With What Love is
And How To Act & Be in a relationship
Matured Smart successful
I Feel letting go
Will Be A Good Thing
Not Towards My life
But his
Because his lifes Worth more than mines
I'd Rather Want Him With A Real women
Than To keep him
And drag him through all my
Complicated b.s
See a Better person
By His side
And live happily ever after

Midnight
The Time When it's best.
Interacting With The devil.
Releasing All My Stress.
Smoking & Lines
I'm tired of this life
Lien about recovery,
I want to stay high.
I Reached That Level
Where I should stay like this forever. Sobriety Always has me under weathers.
Being on keeps me
Away from all wrong.

iNever Been iN A Relationship With A Human Being.
Only With My Drug,
Crystal ****.
IConsidered iT My Lover.
My Baby, My World My Everything. iFell inlove With A Substance,
Felt So Real.
Created A Strong Bond
That Seemed unbreakable We Were unseperable.
This Stimulant Kept Me Away From Reality And Everything in it.
Blocked Me
From Having An Actual Boyfriend and Catching
True Loving Feeling.
iWas Blinded By These False Euphoric Feelings.
A Rush Like iF ive Accomplished A Hundred Things.
iWas Concentrated And Focused On Getting High And
Just living The Addict life.
That iHad No intrest At 16 Towards Boys or having a love life.
My Mind Was Just Set On The Streets And Dope Game,
Riskful Missions And Hanging With Friends. Guys Would Holler,
But id Give No interest.
Just Me And My Drug iS All That Mattered.
Throughout My 3rd Time iN Rehab, My Neighbor Would Call.
A Guy Friend.
Daily Conversations, Laughs And giggls,  something so rare and unexperienced.
As iBegan To Recover & Emotions Started To Untie,
iBegan To Feel Some Strange feelings ive never experienced 1st hand.
Once iGraduated My program. We Communicated More,
I liked This, i liked him.
Was Hard To believe that after all he knew about me?
He was into me to.
My supporter, My Friend This Guy Became My 1st Boyfriend <3
041314

We Break up
Then We Make Up.
We argue & Talk ****.
Then we Get Close And touch lips.
Grab me by my hips
And start feeling on my ****.
Soft kisses
Turned to aggressiveness & hard breathing.
******* Slowly
Steady leaning, as I have my hands around your waist.
Saliva running down my face
As I Move my head around.
I love how you taste.
Getting lead to the bed, you lay down.
I Look into your eyes
Ask if you're ready for the ride.
You Instantly say yes
As I climb your feeling on my thighs.
The feel of the slide makes my kitty feel as if in paradise.

.
This decade
was nothing But misery,
with heavy pain that
brought many tears.
To finally end off this year.
With a boast to the new,
in which brought me strength
& A path thats now cleared.
I’m happy, for a new decade.
I’m ready for a new start,
This time around,
things will be different.
No more falling apart..
I will hold my self steady
I will hold my self up.
Too much time wasted,
This time I’m building up.

Bye bye 2019,
Bye bye to the 2010’s.
A decade that I will
erase from my life.
1 I’ll never speak on.
a decade I will let go of,
and finally move on.

Will iBe Strong Enough
To Stop,
Im Sober Already
But
Temptation Creeps
Blinds me
Will i be quick to say no if pulled out infront of me?
iWanna Stop but iStill wanna use
At times Idont know what
Iwant.
Sobriety or the highlife...

I’m getting closer.
To Packing & leaving.
It’s about time
The rain slows down.
For so long I Yelped.
I’ve cried so hard.
Ignored & left to drown.
In my own tears
Caused by they who I call dear.

I’m getting closer
To packaging & leaving .
I used to always hold back.
Said I’m done but always turned back to get hurt all over.
“I’m sorry, il change, 1 last chance”
Was a song that played all throughout my 6yrs of so called “inlove”.

I’m getting closer.
To feeling what
I’m supposed to feel.
To do what’s right & stop my tears.
To agreeing & realizing .
I don’t deserve All this negativity
I’m understanding that I’m wrong for always staying.


I love him.
So much.
It’s not fair that I’ve shown loyalty
That I’ve hurt so much
It’s only right for me to go
& say “I’m done”
To be told “ you never loved me”.
For the script to flip from
Victim to bully.
I’ve been Soo ******* good.
I’m betrayed.
After so many time
s of being played?
I decide to Finally act on my sadness.
What I’m supposed to do.
Stand up for myself .
What happens ?
The bully plays the victim .
I’m then seen as the biggest ***** and bad ****** girl friend.
For what ?
Standing up for myself.
I’m always faulted and bashed  when I act out on something that hurt me .
His actions of betrayal
Must be forgiven.
My actions on feeling hurt
Are seen deceiving

I’m groping in the dark.
I entered this world clueless.
I don’t know whats right.
How am I supposed to act ?
What’s Ok & what’s not ?
What should I feel ?
How do I react .
Is this too much , Fair or too little?
What’s affection?
Why am I being scold ?
Why am I being Told that I’m not showing any love ?
I’m giving all my attention
I’m very nice , I’m showing that I care a lot and figure ways to make them smile and laugh?
Why are they mad ?
Insisting to touch lips
To Rub hips
To touch Areas I had no clue sent signals of “love” ?
I’m so confused.
I have no experience.
I’m told to kiss
But I don’t know how to move my ******* way they find pleasing?
As a matter of fact
This all feels so Uncomfortable
Weird , odd & A vibe that’s
Opposite from what they are experiencing...
I never knew there was
types of love .
Never knew the ways each one is expressed..
My head is blank from everything other than the love my
parents showed me..
i Got into a relationship
Without knowing the definition
Nothing close to knowing
any meanings..

angrily reminds me.
He wasn’t raised to show affection.
His reason to why he’s
Never caring or “loving”.
In a mean why
Telling me He’s Sorry
He can’t respect or show How much I mean to him .

Angrily tells me
He’s Sorry He can’t
Show me the “boyfriend qualities” id wish he had.
His excuse to never Making me feel special, appreciated, wanted is
He has no experience being in a real relationship.

Angrily Tells me
To go find someone els
Who can treat me the way I want.
Who Can do all the things
I ***** that he never does.
His excuse?
Once again..
He has no type of experience
Never had a real gf.

Angrily tells me
He has no experience showing someone how much they
mean to him .
How he doesn’t know how to treat a real girlfriend..

All of this gives him the right
To act So cruel.
All of this Is why I’m
Forced to forgive him for all of his hurtful actions.
I’m forced to be understanding
To always accept this.


Clueless on how to act in a relationship.
Mind blank of how to be loyal , Kind , caring, Honest & respect.
Well Learned To
Lie betray hate & be disrespectful
.
Clues on how to show love.
Be amourous , give affection.
Well educated on how to ask & insist for ****** pleasures.

He’s clueless on how to
make me Feel Special.
Well educated to make me
feel like I’m nothing .

Says to not expect
Teddy bears , surprises, Gifts.
He doesn’t know how .
He knows how to
Vanish for days give
Unread texts & missed calls.

Parents showed no love.
So he’s not experienced.
Parents didn’t show him To look & ask for ***.
But he’s fluent In Talking & Making his way through those gates.

Numbs my tears
Sadness disappeared.
This soft Powder
Makes all real
Not reveal .

Numbs
in every way.
feel no Emotions
No physical pain.

Love this
Smooth soft *******

Untitled
You once told me.
'Not everyone thinks like you'
I Now know.
what your phrase means.
how its applied to our life.
Its 2018
You still question whether
to continue on our love..
You are right. nobody thinks like me.
so I have to accept.
that's just who you've always been.
loved me with doubt.
---
Untitled
Been living in The dark.
Trapped by these 4 Walls.
Everyday, Same Feel.
Sadness & Helpless.
6 Years.
Living In a box .
Nothings changed
Happiness has not made its Way in
I Can’t no more .
I Sit On The cold Floor.

---

Untitled
The nerve you have to make me.
Feel as if I’m truly torturing .
As if you don’t deserve to be
**** talked to.
The nerve you have
To say I don’t respect you
Making me feel so bad

----

Let it consume me.
Destroy the little left in me.
Let it Come Like a tornado .
A furious hurricane .
I don’t care , what’s there to look forward for.
I’m so unhappy and keep on finding more reasons to

----

Untitled
Why
Did you Do this to me.
Damage me badly.
I repeat over & over.
Same Vocals.
Why
Did You Hurt me.
Why did you play with me.
Why didn’t you notice how this was affecting me.
Why
Weren’t you respectful.
Take advantage
Take me for granted .
Why
Did You convince me.
To be kissing friends knowing I had feelings for you.
Did

---

Forever now
I’m doubting
More than I ever have.
Wondering about the
Little loyalty you carry.
What’s going to happen
To that speck .
You’ve never been honest.
Now I’m worried.
Since I avoided you that night
Which is something I never do but I copied you that night.
My point
My irrelevant lie
----
Untitled
I made a mistake.
So little that it’s not worth the hype
But you ,
You wait for days like these.
I Mess Up So Small
& you love to make it a big deal.
It’s your excuse to go

----
Untitled
Disgusted of Drug Abuse
When She Hurts Her mind Turns.
The tears that run down & The Trigger Is something he’d Said or done That’s led her to run .
Alone She Seeks & Returns.
She Uses Alone.
Responds to All calls & Texts.
You Were the switch
To intoxicate her body , Esch hits a risk . To breath less , For the body to not resist & Give Up .

----

Untitled
Disgusted of Drug Abuse
When She Hurts Her mind Turns.
The tears that run down & The Trigger Is something he’d Said or done That’s led her to run .
Alone She Seeks & Returns.
She Uses Alone.
Responds to All calls & Texts.
You Were the switch
To intoxicate her body , Esch hits a risk . To breath less , For the body to not resist & Give Up .

---


My depression is not progressing
I’m in such distress.
No mood to right Nomore .
I’m tired , Of not having power.
To leave & Move on From Everything That’s Overwhelming.
I’m hurting a lot.
People don’t see it.
It’s all in my head.
It’s insanity eating my brain .
I’ve been walking forever.
So many obstacles have crossed my path that’s delayed me.
Back trac

Will I lose or will I break.
I can not let my Addict mind
Take over as it will convert quick &
dope will become my fate.
For ever Gone, unpaired & Lost.
Toss my self away to the drugs

I'm Down
Lowering To the ground
With every minute that passes
I'm Caring less
Depression is manifesting
Addiction is controlling
I'm not wanting
These bad feelings are pouring
Bones are aching I feel so weak
I Don't Want, I feel I have too
I warned myself, where's my brain? The mentality of Wanting to change ? My hope? My strength?
Why don't I feel like changing anymore. I'm not afraid to lose Nomore
I'm feining now.. for tweak
IM sorry, I warned Me
I knew this would happen
I have already forgotten
I'm ok now, with being a Drug Addict ...
I lost my ways within 2 weeks
All because my heart broke
I lost my hope
It can't be

I'm needing A Fix.
I'm low on this Glow.
I'm sadend, Feel weakened.
I'm coming down slow.
I'm feeling My feelings
Tired From Sleepless
Hungry from starving
Feeling from numbing.
Baby I'm sorry!!
I'm urging to wan it.

There is a monster
who lives in my head,
she talks to me softly
she wants me dead.
She tells me this time
I'll stay in control.
She tells me not to let anyone know.
She convinces me that
no one cares,
she whispers the pain
is to much to bear.
She tells me how wonderful
I will feel.
She tells me she loves me
and it is real.
She tells me not to call anyone,
My heart starts racing,
she tells me it will be fun.
She tells me not to think of
past times,
she promises I can do it just
once this time
Who is this monster who calls me
by name,
crystal ****
shes waiting to start the game.

iTs Difficult To Live Mylife,
The Struggle.
The Problems iHave And Keep Creating.
Not Knowing Who iAm
Being A Drug Addict Who Cant Seem To Stop There Bad Habit.
They Say iTs Easy You Just Want To Want iT.
Not iF You Fallen So Low, left All Alone.
iM Deep iN This ****, Deserve To Be 6ft Down To Rest.
iTs The Best.
For Everyone.
iM Doing Nothing But Disappointing The Ones Taking There Time Trying To Support Me.
Wasting There Encouragement Not Knowing iWont Last Long Before iUse And Fall Back in
The Same Cycle All ******* Over Again :/
iTs  Very Sad, To Continue This.
Been To Many Places Yet Nothing Changes,
iM Tired And Overwhelmed .
Why Am iUsing Now?
iFeel Lonely.
This Drug Fills Everything Up inside Of Me.
This is The Reason Why iWent Back To iT.
Before iT Was Cause iLoved The Effects And Kept Trying To Get High Asf Like My 1st Hit,
Then Lead To Me Going At iT Cause
My Body Felt Like iT Couldnt Function Off iT
Which Made Me An Addict .
Loving And wanting To Always Have iT.
Before iT Was Great,
Nobody Knew.
Then they Found Out The Truth.
Ever Since Then Ive Been Living Daily On Lies Having To Hide iT, Denying im On iT When Clearly iTs Obvious.
Chemicals Messing With My Mood ,
My Mind Now Plays Tricks On Me. Dont Know When itl Be Over Cause iDont think il 
 Want To ever Be Sober.

Each tear that runs.
drop that falls.
frown i make
& Fists I ball.

Each Hateful Word
I say, Curse & Promise.
Each Negative feeling that Develops in me.

Every Time I Cry
“I want to end my life”
“There’s no point in living”
“I’m ending it tonight”

Is serious.
I’m guaranteeing
An end .

I Love You, but Im Sorry.
For Failing on Myself And Dissapointing You.
After 2yrs of being sober,
I Relapsed again.
I Couldn't Help it. I Had To Use.
Temptation Was Strong And I Didn't try fighting it this time.
I Didn't See A Point In Staying Sober. I'm miserable Either way.
We are always arguing.
You Are always Making me feel sad and hurt my feelings.
I'm Tired Of Being a fool And forgiving You. When You don't even deserve to be forgiven.
You Don't Treat me fair And don't show me real love and Affection.
Always at your convenience.
I have Always been Good to you.
Honest , Loyal , trustworthy.
I Don't deserve to be treated less.
I Wanted To Use.
To not feel The way I Do Anymore.
To Forget all The ****** up **** you done to me and feel  Numb.
Please Don't hate me.
I Hope You understand.

Is It even worth it.
Staying sober ?
I’m Beginning to lose the little faith I have towards wanting Sobriety.
What Would You lose if You Use.
No wait, Better question.
What are you gaining ?
What are you Accomplishing by holding back ? Is it pride ? What are you benefiting by feeling good that you said no to drugs.
All I see is Double tears.
The problems unresolved and adding it to the list of things Dwell on .
Refusing to use keeps you in the Same place. Sad, hurt Your feeling.
Using Removes You away from All Negative As long as you Stay.
Wether you refuse or use at the end of the day The problems never Go away.
When You Deny To Relapse your only making your family happy but your Still Sadden.
But When You Do Give In
Your escaping reality for Only a moment but at least it makes you feel better. Your family will be angry but why care ? Staying sober isn’t moving you anywhere.
Your Being good to please others.
Think about yourself & question if you got something you wanted out of it.
You have nothing going for you In life. Why Not just go back to Your habit ? It gave you something to do in your life. It kept you moving Instead if Sitting home lonely crying.
Drugs are bad yes, but when your high you don’t even care. Compared to being sober and noticing The reality of your ****** no life self.
Die sober and Unhappy
Die High and Unaware

Im Struggling So Much
And Im Doing nothing But Let Me
If Anything Add Things.
This Depression Takes Affect On Me So Much
That i Don't Think People See
How Its Very Sadning
People Around Me Are Most Likely Used To My Same ****
Negative Talking.
That They Feel iTs An Okay Thing Since im Always
Singing The Same Old Song.
It Hurts Me Alot
I Dont Like Feeling Sad All The Time
Feeling Like i Have No Worth
Not Having Motivation
Feeling Useless
Especially When i Dont Have Any Reasons To Actually Even
Think Like This.
My Mind Makes Me Think So Low
Without Actual Reasoning
I Feed into it
Then Start believing it
Feeling Like Theres No Point in Living.
What Depression Leads Me To
Are Suicidal Thoughts
Especially When im Over thinking.
Just For The Littlest ****
Id Want To Cut A Vein.
Isnt That Dumb And Insane?
Thats How Bad Having it is.
How Hard its living Daily Like This.
I Don't Want To Continue
Surrounded By The Only Option Of Killing My Self.
For Others it Sounds So Stupid
Only if They Knew How ******* Bad And hurtful it is To Thinking This Way,

Devil please don’t take me there.
I will get too familiar .
Find it easy , it’s just 1 hit.
Without notice il be tweaking on a full binge .
Without notice,
1 Hit Will Convert to many .
I continuously hit it.
Forgetting theres a limit.
My surroundings
Become unnoticed.
What’s important, Is Forgotten.
I’m careless Over whatever’s
in my circuit.
I’m just focused on the dope & Ingesting more.
To get high but higher than
I’ve ever been.
That High no longer exists.
All My Misery Vanishes
My emotions tie back
Everything I hurt over
, Is no longer In my thoughts.
Just like my negativity?
My Amusement & happiness Disappear too.
Completely numb.
Devil Please stay away .
Il turn cold with a grin.
Il be selfish & Careless.
What I love Will No longer
be important
Il care for nobody But The dope that fools my mind.
I’m another person When I’m ingested with lots of ice.
I lose my state of mind
My mind wanders off
The drug
Removes Your struggles.
Just to make room for the Devils Gifts for choosing to live
easy & quick

Devil please stay away
Il fall quick & forget About sobriety.

I preached the opposite
of what I reached.
It Was Too Late, To capture Myself.
I no longer hate..
Am I me?
Did I convert already ?
Why do I feel confused..
Are these feelings true?..
How long was I really in use ..
I'm driving my Self crazy ..
Sleepless night have crawled up.
Where is my care of freedom?
From The disease Or is it already leached on me ..
Addiction is scary.
Please Stay Drug free ...

When we argue and ignore each other. I always say dream about the life we could of had If I wasn’t an addict & you we were A faithful person. Knowing myself, I strongly believe I could have made you the happiest person alive. With My actions And Sweetness .
I daydream Of our life without negativity.
I always vision you happy & smiling.
I always fantasize of a life With You That I cannot live in the real world.
I truly love you. I always have.
I don’t understand how you can doubt that.
Don’t be angry.
Please don’t Feel hate towards me.
Don’t Feel betrayed.
How can you expect me to change?
Yes, you’ve recently behaved.
But I’m still Sinking In The Sadness From the past event that you left unresolved?
How do I move on if all my problems are not solved ?
The situation is to heavy To Forget About completely.
These were repetitive Lies
All avoided and You don’t see how all the hurt you provoked Has built up and anything related will Remind me and hurt 100x more.
You can Do something about it.
Yes I’m complicated.
But there is a way. I won’t tell you.
If you really love me, you’ll solve it. After all through the worst actions I’ve forgiven you.

He feels he needs to breath
From the problems he’s caused.
Yet feels he needs air
As he sees her be the cause.
Lately he’s thinking,
wondering Off.
Not wanting to but
slightly thinking of leaving her off ..
The problem isn’t his Part, or nothing he ever Cause.
He just sees the main parts, the ones he disagrees on.
He already dislikes the issue
Now involving the girl that’s supposed be his wife soon ?
He’s not wanting but wandering off
Thinking a slight different of leaving her oif.
He’s never truly proven how strong his love is.
Which adds more the conspiracy  
Of leaving the love ..
Not that he ever felt Bad
Or try to correct anything
His emotions have been 1#.
Besides he didn’t like her all that much

Don't hate Me, Don't blame Me.
Please Don't Make me Feel Worse.
Don't tell me I'll never change.
Don't Assum I want to Continue being a drug addict.
Don't believe drugs are my only happiness and it's all I care about.
Don't leave me
Thinking It's drugs I prefer.
I Want To be Sober.
It's Just Really hard For Me To forget The Power Drugs Provide.
Easy Numbness And Cures all My misery and sadness.
It's hard For a Drug addict to Just Forget and Quit something That gives You An easy solution to Bad days.
Would You Stop Doing Something That makes You feel Better?

I Don’t Want this life.
I’m tired of coming back..
I don’t want to be sad.
I don’t want to feel less .
I don’t like to go numb then return feeling 2x worse.
Yes , I Say I want to be on.
I talk about dope like it’s my love.
I write about feeling nothing & Getting on my level till I drop.
Believe me when I say it’s not the life I truly want .
I want to live and smile.
On Dope I can’t even laugh .
What is it that keeps me dreaming
The First High feeling, lifting off the first few minutes.
It all changes after that.
I get stuck trying to feel amazing
I lose track of time feeling nothing but frustration.
Sitting Down Focused on The glass pipe.
I don’t want to hit this Nomore

Don’t fall for it .
Stay strong.
There’s other ways around this.
Permanent solutions
Ones that won’t cause harm.
Just time & patience.

Don’t do it.
Push through it!
Fight the urge !
It’s not with it.
A temporary choice
That will Bring more devastation.
Another problem thrown
To the pile of Unresolved ones.

Stay strong !
Hold on !
Yes, it’s hard love.
But What do you prefer?
Sobriety, zor A never ending
Drug run

My Bright Light.
The Turn for help & support.
My Dark light.
The Turn For Blame & Shame
I Thought The only feeling a bf is supposed to make you feel is loving.
Why am i experiencing the opposite.
All Day Arguing.
About some misunderstanding or nonsense.
He Wants me to grow up & change but how if He has me tied to a chain.
Can't expect A Sad person to stop crying if the only things that revolve them are hurtful.
Yes He Makes me happy
But it quickly turns into a froun once he starts talking about
All The b.s i should still be feeling bad about.
Instead of Putting new thoughts in my head that will be helpful for my future. He Puts back the ones that is ruining and holding me back from being successful.

As iGet Ready To Sleep
Close my Eye's
&
Laydown, The 1st Thought Appears
Then The image
And rolling tape, scenarios of me getting high
Lately Have Been Appearing. Feels realistic
And They Have me Feining. The Movements look so Amazing &
Deceiving
All this is trippig me.