I dont wanna turn 18
I don't wanna watch
As all my dreams
Fade and fall
Into the dark

I don't wanna turn 18
Because i know
That once I do
I have to deal with everything
And even more
With the thought of losing
You

I know that once I turn 18
Everything that is easy
Is gonna become
So much
Harder

I have to apply
To get money
Just to survive

I have to beg my mom
To pay
For me to get help
Cuz otherwise
I'm stuck here for life
With no one
To take care
Of me

I have to deal
With the possibility
That I can't receive help
Or funds
And I just become stuck

And i have to deal
With the thought
That if you leave too
I'll become lost
And gross
Because I can't even shower
Or go out anywhere
If you do

If i do receive the supports
That i need
I have to apply
For so many things

A service dog
Money cuz i cant get a job
A careworker
And a friend or two
Because nobody simply
Just wants to be friends
With you when you're this broken

I don't wanna turn 18
Even though
There's more things I
Have access to

Sure I can now
Buy ****
And alcohol
And consume it legally
But I might fall on those
As addictions
Not once in awhile
Supplements
For fun

I'm spending my birthday with
YOU
And I'm happy to
Because I'm happy with
The things we do

But I fear
That may be
The last day
You see me smile
Or even breath
And if I survive
It may be awhile
Before I can truly
Say
That I'm
ALIVE

Cut one
For every word
That went undone

Cut two
For everything
Done by you

Cut three
For all the things
You pretend not to see

Cut four
For when I
Walked out your door

Cut five
For every night
I slept with wet eyes

Cut six
For all of your lies
And all of your tricks

Cut seven
For every childhood wish
To go to heaven

Cut eight
For everything that you
Blamed on a personality trait

Cut nine
For everytime that
I said "I'm fine"

Cut ten
For evertime i was told
That I'd be safe
Tell me when

Cut eleven
For wishing
That I could die at seven

Cut twelve
For every truth that I told
Left and forgotten on a shelve

Cut thirteen
For wishing that I could
Shower on my own and be clean

Cut fourteen
For wishing that I could
Lay down on the grass all green

Cut fifteen
For every single
Forgotten dream

Cut sixteen
For all the
Broken seams

Cut eighteen
For all the times
I was stuck between

Cut nineteen
For all the happy endings
Full of lies on screen

Cut twenty
For everytime
You touched my body

Mark my skin pricked with sin
Leave it bruised and scarred

******* lips ridden with secrets
Leave them red and hard

Touch my body marked by memory
Leave it red and carved

Take my hand ruled by demand
Leave it bleeding and broke

Take my heart
Take my soul
Leave them torn
Not whole

When I was three I thought there were monsters in my closet and under my bed
When I was three I had a dog and a dad, mom and brother who I loved and who loved me back

When I was six the monsters were no longer in my closet or under my bed
For now they were at the side of my bed in the crack between mattress and wall
When I was six my dog died and I cried for many many nights
My dad would yell and hit not only me but mostly my brother
My mom still loved him, my brother and me and I loved her and my brother

When I was eight we moved to a new town and now the monsters in the cracks had started talking to me and whispering sweet truth
When I was eight my dad no longer worked and now stayed at home
My mom worked two jobs and wasn’t there for me when I cried
If she was there when he hit us or yelled she would sit and watch in painful silence as warm tears cascaded our cheeks
My brother tried to do his best to be strong and nice but sometimes he would start fights
I wasn’t sure who my dad loved anymore if he loved anyone at all
My mom loved my dad, my brother and me
And I loved my brother and the cat we now had who adopted our family

When I was nine I started telling myself the demons were whispering lies
When I was nine my dad finally told me he loved me one night
But not in the way I thought he meant
So I thought everything would be alright
My mom now worked more hours and was barely home
My brother still tried his best but played with me less
My dad loved me, or so I thought
My mom loved my dad, my brother, me and our cat
I loved them all for that short little while

When I was ten the monsters were no longer just at the side of my bed, for now they were also in my head
When I was ten I realized what my dad did was wrong
School was now my favourite place even though I had no friends and the teachers weren’t fond of me
When I was ten I started to hurt myself in places no one would notice, for it was my only sweet relief in a life of horror and chaos
My dad now yelled and hit more but that was nothing compared to the showers and poisonous nights
My mom was barely home but if she got home soon enough, would bring us treats
I didn’t know how my brother was or how hard he was trying to be strong for I no longer cared very much
My cat or so I liked to call her was the only one who I thought loved me
My dad was heartless and a walking lie so I didn’t know if he was capable of love
My mom loved my dad, my brother, me and our cat
I loved the cat and all animals for I no longer knew how to love a person

When I was eleven I thought love was touch so I did things I shouldn’t

When I was twelve the demons were now only in my head
My dad still touched me and poisoned my mind
So much happened when I was twelve I can’t even begin to describe
My mom was now tired more often than not
I never showed anyone the real me for I was scared to let them see the broken girl I had come to be
I no longer accepted hugs and pushed everyone away eventually
My mom loved my dad, my brother, the cat, the dog we now owned and me
I loved nothing and no one for now I was too broke

Let’s skip a few years and lots of tears until we end up here at fourteen where I am now
I no longer live at home but with a friend
I still cut but less often for I am trying to stop
I don’t eat very much because I don’t like my body
My dad is dead to me
My mom is still with him and so is my brother
My mom loves my dad, my brother, the dog and me
No longer the cat cause she left not too long after me
I love shiloh and jordyn but I don’t yet love me
For I have been too scared throughout my ages.

Hello
This is me

I am seventeen
But sometimes I age regress
And can be
Much younger than perceived

I am short
And small
But I don't mind
As it makes it easy to hide
And confine myself
Within small spaces
Or up in your arms

I go for walks
Late at night
When most people are peacefully
Wiithin a dream
As I drown within
The music I hear

I collect stuffies
And all the broken bits
Of my heart
And soul
So I don't become empty

People use
Abuse
And re-use me
But I still only want
To see them happy

I collect memories
Within a box
And my gallery
Afraid one day
I'll forget about my days
So I collect and keep them safe

I was never truly a kid
For I was only ever trapped
In thoughts of escape
But I've found that
No matter the place
Things are still always the same

I trust animals
One hundred precent
But people are always lacking
A small precentage
Even though I give them
Every piece of me

I am innocent and sad
Collecting onsies
And stuffies
And cuddling whoever will

But also impure and numb
Collecting trauma
And broken dreams
And feeling the touch of wandering hands
In places they shouldn't be

Alone
At 3AM
Under a bridge
Contemplating what life
Means to me

Alone
At 3AM
Under a bridge
Wondering why
It always has to be
ME

Alone
At 3AM
Laying on a swing
Wondering why
I cant just eat

Alone
At 3AM
Laying on a swing
Just thinking why
Did he have to touch
ME

Alone
At 3AM
Under a bridge
Hoping that you
Can make me feel

Alone
At 3AM
Hoping one day
You say you love
ME

ALONE
In my thoughts
Getting dragged down
And drowned

Why cant I eat?
Why cant I imagine anyone wanting me?
Why cant I sleep?
Why cant I stop thinking about what they did to me?

I want to fade away
Dissappear at 3AM
Somewhere far away
Somewhere I dont have to be

I don't know what it is
But there's something different about you

When I'm with you I don't feel like
I have to pretend as much
As I do with everyone else

When you hold me I not only feel safe
I also feel calm

When you hold my hand
I feel free

There's something different about you
And I don't know what it is
But I love it

Another year
Containing more months
That I have to bare

Another year
Containing more days
Where I wont sleep

Another year
Containing more weeks
Filled with nothing but empty air

Another year
That everyone celebrates
At the beginning
But I shall not
For I never wished to be here

Another year
For people to use
Abuse
And break me

Another year
Alive knowing hes alive too
Not too far from me
Infact sometimes just a wall away

Another year
Living here with her
Knowing shes using me emotionally
But having to just smile and agree
To all the things she wants from me

Another year
I wish I didnt have to say

Another year
I wish it would just go away

Another year
Until it's over

It's only been about a week
But I can already tell
That I'm falling for you

When you look me in the eye
My stomach fills with butterflies

When you hold my hand
I feel safe
And as if
I never wanna let go

When you pull me close
I feel warm
And as if
I want to hold your heart
Close to mine forever

When I hear your voice
My face flushes with excitement
And I feel as if
I want you to never stop talking

When you play the bass
I get lost in thought
And I feel as if
I could stay right there forever

When you comfort me
I feel understood
And I feel as if
I could tell you anything

I know it's only been
About a week

But my heart feels as it
It's falling for you

Away from here
Away from you

Away from that
Away from this

Every time I find someone I love
One of us leaves in one way or another and I'm left in need of repair

Place me back in time
Back there
Back where I was abused
And constantly used
Something used to vent your frustration

Place me back in time
Back there
Back where I was nothing more
And nothing less than
Something used for ****** gratification

Place me back in time
Back there
Back where I was manipulated
And nothing on my own
Something used to satisfy your needs

Place me back in time
Back there
Back where I was scared
And nothing but small
Something used to gratify your existence

Use me
Abuse me
Manipulate me
All for your own pleasure
Because its always about you (him)
And never about me
For why care for something that was created
Just to satisfy the needs of others
Who can't be satisfied by regular means

Laying on the bathroom floor
Staring at a ceiling
That i wish would fall away
And reveal an empty space
For my thoughts to float away

Laying on the bathroom floor
Remembering you
And what we once were
Remembering you
And knowing we're no more

Laying on the bathroom floor
Soon to be eighteen
But wishing I never made it
Past age twelve
When I first tried to drown
In the forever darkness

Laying on the bathroom floor
Wondering how
Anyone could love me
And not wanting it to be
Anyone
But you

Laying on the bathroom floor
Wishing to never be touched again
But craving the warmth
Of your arms around me
As you whisper
That you love me

Laying on the bathroom floor
Knowing I'll never be yours
No matter the words

You broke me
Beyond repair
Beyond help

Because now my heart isn't just shattered
But also torn
And fractured
If its even there at all

You took my trust
Then threw it to the wolves

You took my love
Then through it into flames

You took my fear
And magnified it

You took my pain
And watered it whole

You broke me
Beyond repair

I watch it flow
Off of my arm
Onto the floor
Or onto me

I watch it flow
As it mesmorizes me
And drowns out
The memories

Its beautifully red
Sweetly warm
And bitterly tasting

It soothes me deep within
Like no other person or thing
Could possibly match

It may be bad for me physically
But mentally its soothing

It calms me
Soothes my mind
And soothes my soul

But

I want to drown in it

I want to make sure there's enough
To make a pool
A puddle
Or to drain me
From within

I wanna be stained crimson
As I fade away
From this house
Where safety
Never existed

You broke me

You broke me with your words
And you broke me with your gaze

You told me you loved me
Then became distant for days

You broke me with your habits
And addictions

You took my heart
And wrapped it in flames

Maybe you thought that
Would warm it back up
But all it did
Was burn it apart
And now it's in ashes
So I can't fix it
Because

You
Broke
Me

Eternally

Hey brother how are you?
What have you been up to?

Always simple never deep

You should listen to this song
Wanna hear a poem I wrote?

I attempt to share a piece of me but somehow you never seem to see

You ask me how I am
I say fine
I'm attempting to get you to ask me why
But you always seem to brush that question aside

When I ask
Hey brother, how are you?
I'm asking for the truth
Not a lie, for I wanna know before a final goodbye

I cant breath
When I imagine
How you used to
Look at me

I can't breath
When I remember
The last words
You said to me

I cant breath
When I remember
How you threw me away
Without a care in the world

I cant breath
When I remember
All the times
You didn't want me

I
CANT
BREATH

Please
Just set me free

I dont wanna live with
These memories anymore

I dont wanna suffer
Every night
When I remember
Exactly how your touch
Felt

I cant handed it
NOT ANYMORE

Please
Just let me go
Set me free
From all the memories

It washes my emotions away
And make me feel free
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

I hold it in my hands to numb them
And it makes me feel at peace
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It drips down my skin
And soothes me deep within
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It holds me close
And makes me feel less alone
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It heats me up all over
And sends my body into overload
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

It makes all thoughts disappear
And leaves me breathless
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

The thought of it sets me at ease
And fills me with a weird sense of peace
Can you figure out what I'm talking about?

Walk with me into my brothers room
To where the cheap piano stood
Feel the scratchy carpet underneath your feet
And the keys under your fingers as you touch them gently
Remember your frustration that it lives in his room
And not yours
For you're the only person who touches its chords

Walk with me into the darkness outdoors
To where I walked the dog out among the stars
Feel your feet within the shoes you begged and cried for because boys shoes were cheaper
And the leash within your hand
The pain when he would tug and pull and the leash would drag and burn
Remember your anguish as you begged to walk him only once a day
Or maybe for less hours
For your ankle was broke and torn and walking left you powerless

Walk with me into my room
To where you had no door among little privacy
Feel your feet carry you across the hardwood floor
And your fingers grasping the standing closet door
Remember how unsafe you felt as you crawl inside
Lock yourself whithin its grasp as you beg for it to hold you safe some more
For this was your only private space
And you could lock it from indoors

Come with me at midnight
Traverse an obstacle course
Leading to my heart
And into my soul

Come with me at 1
Run through the park
With no care in the world
But your hand in mine

Come with me at 2
Dance with me
In the middle of a field
Like only we exist

Come with me at 3
Tell me all the secrets
Your heart carries
And I'll tell you mine

Come with me at 4
Let me pour out my soul
As you hold me close
And I hide in your warmth

Come with me at 5
Look at me with weary eyes
And kiss me in disguise
As I melt from the look in your eye

Come with me at 6
As we return to reality
With me in your arms
And you mine

There's you
and there's him

He makes my insides
feel as though
they are on fire
and a storm has set in

You make my insides
grow butterflies
and feel as though
a calm has set in

He makes my face flush
with embarrassment
and pleasure

You make my face flush
with shyness
and warm weather

He humiliates me
and it makes me want
his touch
to a new degree

You praise me
and it makes me want
to stay in your arms
forever

He likes me
but he doesn't know yet
to what he's agreed

You love me
but you don't yet know
what that'll mean

I love him
and you

But my heart burns with a completely different passion
for him
then for you

For he's a gentle storm

And you're a chaotic summer

It counts as consent
Because I never said no
But my mind was screaming
Please stop
Just go

It counts as consent
Because I didn't push you away
But my eyes were pleading
And trying to say
Go away

It counts as consent
If I don't say a thing
But you ignore the pain
And the fear in my eyes

You don't care for me
You just want to look at my body

So please just go
Leave me alone

Consume me within you

As I walk through the dark
Through the gate of another world
Consume me within you

Wrap me in your pain
And consume me within your rage

You are my companion
And my worst fear

You whisper to me the lies people tell
Then turn around and whisper your own

You whisper to me the hate in peoples hearts
Then turn around and consume me within your own

Sometimes I wish for you to let me go
But without you
I feel as if I'm no one

Nonexistent

Like the smallest whisper carried by the wind
Could wisp my will away

So no
Don't go

Wrap me in the dark
And pull me into the darkest corners of reality
As you consume me
Within you

I sit here on the floor
Waiting
Just contemplating

Should I call
Or should I not?
Because I don't want to wake you up
And I've already called once
Today

I sit here and I wait
Hovering over the button
Hesitating

Should I call
Or just suffer in my silence
Because if you don't pick up
That's how It'll be anyway

But the chance
That you might Just answer and talk
Makes me sit here and hover

Because the sound of your voice
Already makes me feel better
And you know just what to say
To make me feel less sad
To not feel as bad

So I'll sir here and hover
Contemplating
And just
Waiting
............

I feel as though I'm empty
And as if my feelings will overflow

I feel as though I love you
And as if I cant feel at all

I feel as though I want to try
And as if I've given up on life

I feel as though I want to see you smile
And as if I want to erase it from my mind

I feel as though you made me happy
And as if you broke me apart

I feel as though I feel too much
And as if I don't feel at all

I feel as though I want to be alone
And as if I never want to let you go

I cantradict myself
And my feelings when it comes to you
But also when it comes to me

I wish to not feel this way
As you dont feel this way for me

Normally
Cookies
Are seen as sweet
As something
For a child to enjoy
Or at least that's the stereotype

And normally
Wine
Is seen as bitter
And something
For grown ups to enjoy
Or at least that's the stereotype

But
Children are now drinking wine
And
Adults are eating cookies

Adults look the other way about the children
With wine

And children look the other way about parents
Eating cookies they can't have

Why have things turned around?

Why have things changed?

Maybe because the children saw adults
Using wine
To dull pain
And so they tried it
Even though the aftermath
Was also painful
It was less painful than the rest of the world

And maybe because parents realized that if they put *** in their cookies
The children would stop stealing
And sneaking them

But both have backfired

Because now the children have more problems than before

Cover me
In your love
And put your hands on my body
With your lust

I cover me
In cuts
And put the blade
To every inch of skin

You let
HIM
Near the house
With no guilt
Or regard to me

So I remove his hands
From my body
With a blade
And no guilt
Or regard to you

You watch
My every move
When I leave the room

I listen to
Your every word
When on the phone with
HIM

You talk
Of letting him back
Into the house
Where safety never was

So I sink
Into this bed
Where safety left
When I was touched

I smile the most
When I want to
Cry

I laugh the most
When I want to
Die

I sit here
And I act playful
As we text

But deep down inside
My heart
And my hope
Have failed
And I lay here
Stuck in my head
Unable to leave this bed

I miss having more people
To hold me close
And cuddle
For now everyone
Makes it ******

I miss holding hands
With people
And going on adventures
But now everyone
Assumes that means
I want them

I do want love
And I do want someone to hold
But just because I cuddled you
Or held your hand
Or was goofy with you
It doesn't mean
You're the one I choose

A cuddle
Shouldn't turn
Into a ****

Holding a hand
Shouldn't turn
Into love

So why is that
What I always
Run into?

Currently
I am
In love

Not with just anybody
No

I am
In love
With someone amazing

But who also
Doesn't seem to see me
In the same way

They say to me
I need to figure things out

But what does that really mean?

Sometimes I overthink
And I ask myself
What if that really means I don't feel the same
Yet I don't want to hurt you?
What if that's what that means?

What would I do then?
Because I'm so completely committed
That if they turned me down
I wouldn't know where to run

What would I do then?
Because when I realized my love
My feeling for every other person
I used to like
Disappeared  

I can't explain why
But I fell for you

I fell for a person who I get reminded of
Every turn I take
Yet I doubt it's the same for him

Hello
This is my introduction
Of me

My name is that of a flower
My name is Daffodil
A choice made by
My mother

I was born when all flowers bloom
Into the world
When all things warm up again

My past isn't bright
Like the month I was born
It's dark and cold
As if I was stuck in a never ending
December

Regardless of my past
I remain resiliant
And hopeful
Of all the things to come

My favorite colours are
White
Pink
And orange
But I walk the halls wearing mostly
Shades of yellow

I have many friends
And blend in among all types
Of crowds
Shining bright as can be
Spreading sheerful smiles
Among everybody

I tend to tuck myself away among friend groups
That have already been established
They appreciate my company
For they say I keep the pests away
With my cheerful display

I have unfortunately earned the nickname of daffy
But people say they like it
Because it dulls me down a bit
And apperently I need that

So hello
This is me
I hope one day we meet

The darkness is seeping in
Into my mind
Into my heart
And into my soul

It's taking my thoughts
So now they are no longer whole

They are broken
Fractured
Shattered
Seeping into nothing

They are being consumed by the darkness
Along with me

One day I will no longer be able to pretend
And everyone will see
The me I have kept hidden away

I reach deep down to the memories within
This vast space
Where it's all stored

I reach deep within
But my fingers only graze them
I try to grasp onto one
With all my might
But it slips between my fingers
And disappears out of sight

Sometimes I manage to pick one up
But then it slips and falls
It rolls away and disappears into the depths
No longer stored with the rest

I have concluded to leave the space be
Stop trying to grab onto the memories
But I stare at where they're stored
And slowly watch them fade
And distort
Until they're no longer visible

It doesnt matter if I leave them
It doesn't matter if I grab them
It doesn't matter if I move them
It doesn't matter if I try to keep them safe
Or pay them no attention

It doesn't matter
Because regardless of my action
They disappear
They fade
They vanish
So now I relinquish my hold
And I sit folded up
And I stare

Knees to my chest
Head to my knees
Arms wrapped
And body trapped

I stare
I sit there for hours
And keep watch
And slowly
They fade

Sometimes they flicker
Sometimes they glow
And it fills the void
Makes me warm

Sometimes an empty slot
Will fizzle
And spark
And it fills the void
Makes me smile

But then it dies
And I die along with it
A little bit each time

Hey
I say

Two hours later
Or maybe even more
You reply
You say
I was busy
I say ok
We talk for maybe thirty mins
Then once again
You say you have to go

Where have you been going?
That's what I wanna ask
But I don't wanna be one of those clingy *** girlfriends
That no one wants

But that's who I am
So why don't I show it?
Because I mean I already have
But even so I still try to hide it

But please
Tell me why
And tell me where
You have been going
Cause you have been distant lately

Youre getting
Further
And further
And further
Away

We used to hang out almost every day
But it was two weeks before friday
So how long will the wait be
This time?

It's already been two days
Which isn't bad
But the longer I wait
The more I get sad
Because the longer I wait
The more I feel you will leave
And find someone better
And I'll never know where you met her

Distant
So
So
So
Distant
But why?

You told me yesterday
And since then all I wanna do is cry

Because it's my fault
And now I don't know how to fix it
So im sorry
But im breaking my promise
Cause the only thing that'll make me calm
Is the splitting of skin
And the smell of sin
As blood drips down along and around my wrist

Along with every forgotten wish

I say
Sorry

I get no reply
Because you're busy

One day
I'll saygoodbye
But once again
I'll get no reply
And you'll be too late

My heart is yours
But yours is distant

Every day I fall for you a little more
And my heart flies a little further
Towards you

Yet every day you restrain your heart
Instead of letting it fly free

So your heart is as distant
As
The distance
Between us

So
I'll start building a bridge
That will one day reach you
And hopefully
You don't knock that bridge down

I dont want him
To recognize me
To see any little bit of
The face that has come to be

So please
I know you dont want
Me to do such things
But please

Let me cut my face so that
Some semblance of it may be gone

Let me maybe drag the blade
Across my cheek
Or any other spot
So as to not be the same
When he sees me again

I know its wrong
But please
I cannot have him
Recognize me
And possibly once again
Say my name

So let me hide behind new hair
So that he may not recognize
The features
That make me
And so that you may not see
The damage I do to not be
Recognized by him

Do you ever just
Sit on the bathroom floor
Staring at the blades
Hoping someone will know
Maybe send a text that will save you
From bleeding tonight

Do you ever just
Lay in bed
Wondering where
Everything went so wrong
Wondering why you are so hard
To love

Do you ever just
Go for a walk
And wonder who else is
Walking around lonely
Wishing to run into another
So that maybe they can be the one
To save you from yourself

Do you ever just
Drown in music
Staring at the roof
The stars
Or the ground beneath your feet
And wonder how many others
Feel the way you do
Or if you're the only one
Whose at the limit tonight

Do you ever just
Wish to be on the moon
But with no air to breath
So that you can finally
Die in peace

There is a girl
Her name is
Raven

She's beautiful

Ocean eyes
Fair skin
Short hair
Dim smile

Her presence
Sends shivers

She's beautiful
But her heart
Is dressed in thorns

Anyone who tries to take care of her heart
Gets hurt
And she uses those thorns
To mark her skin
For her many sins

She's beautiful
Yet untouchable

Dressed up in smiles
Dressed up in frowns

Dressed up in pride
Dressed up to hide

Dressed up for success
Dressed up to fail

Dressed up in love
Dressed up in lust

Dressed up in confidence
Dressed up in fear

I am one
But also both

I'm just another broken soul
Drifting through life
On one last piece of hope

I grasp onto that one last piece
As it pulls me along
And drags me forward
Even when I can't walk

It drags me along
And bruises and breaks
As it goes along
Dragging me across every bump
And every surface

I'm drifting away
From this place
Drifting away
From the space
That I occupy

I've got one last piece of hope
But its leaving me
Bleeding and broke
As I drift away from

Reality

Nik
Drown me in the memory
Of your touch
On my body

Drown me in the memory
Of when it was a yes
Not a no

Drown me in the memory
Of being high
In your arms
With lovely kisses

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
Your arm around my neck
And your leg between mine
Forcing submission
Without permission

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
My nails digging into
The back of your hand
Doing anything I can
To remove it from behind

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
The emotionless expression
And lack of remorse
When you look at me as I lay
Hitting myself and screaming
Mentally in too much pain
As you never even said
"I'm sorry"

Monster
Drown me in the memory
Of when you were gone
And I was free to just
Be me

Drown me in the memory
Of all days I was away
At a friends place
Or camping peacefully

Drown me in the memory
Of when all you did was yell
And hit me
But never said you love me

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the nights I lay awake in wait
Waiting for you to come in
And use me as you please

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the times I'd avoid the shower
Because when I didn't
You had to come with

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the times you'd ask me
To come watch a movie
Because that wasn't all it was

Zeke
Drown me in the thought
Of meeting you again
And being happy
That you know me

Drown me in the thought
Of the movie theater
And hoping no one sees
As you mess around with me

Drown me in the thought
Of sneaking glances
And passionate kisses
Full of love

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
My no's going unheard
And never noticed
As I push you back

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
The pain as you forced your way
Inside of me
Into places I never wanted you to be

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
When I told you what happened
And all you said was
I'm sorry but that was a long time ago
And I never even heard you

To everyone else
Who ever touched me
When I never said yes
And even said no

LEAVE MY MEMORY
And please
Just let me
Live in peace