Inhale me like a drug
As you take me into your lungs

Caress my skin
The way that you caressed them

Blame me for your addiction
To my skin
As you spit out the words
That you dont mean
But continue to say

Blame me for the way
That you cannot get enough
Of my touch

Drive me insane
With your addiction
To my name
As you place
All of your blame
Upon the things
That I say

I drown as I gaze
Into the endless blue
Of the sky

I think of all the poeple
Possibly doing the same

Thinking about this
Thinking about that
Thinking about everything
And nothing

As you stare into the endless blue
Are you thinking of me
As I think of you

As you stare into the endless blue
Do you think or heartbreak
And what could have been?
Or do you think of love
And what is?

As you stare into the endless blue
Are you sad
And lonely?
Or happy
As you can confidently say
"I have someone to hold me"

Everyone who spirals
Into the endless blue
Will spiral into thoughts
About everything
And nothing

But the question is
Are you happy
Or depressed?

I always hated the days
That my ankles would betray
My functionality
But atleast I could bare the pain
And still walk away to escape
In a world of my own

And it wasnt so bad
Because I could
Push through the pain
And maybe even use it
To make the bad thoughts go away

But now its my brain
That has given up on me
And my legs will not let
Me stand on my own

And its the worst thing
I could imagine
Aside from HIM
Happening again

So when my legs collapse
Underneath the weight
Of my body

My mind also collapses
Under the weight
Of no escape

So would you
And could you
Blame me
If I lay here
And give up
If I lay here and die?

Can I please
Just eacape reality for a day
As I lay on the floor
Drowning in music
And every memory of before

Let me escape reality
As I bleed out
Behind a closed door
And fade away

Let me escape reality
As I burn myself
And stare at the flame
Mesmorized by how I made it
Through the day

Let me escape reality
As I bite myself
As I have no other way
To feel the pain

I want to fade away
From reality

I want to watch the blood
Drip down my arm
My thigh
Or any other place
Shy of view

I want to watch the flame
As it turns my skin white
And burns the thoughts away

I want to watch the bruise
Form on my skin
When I bite myself
And it splits apart from within

When I harm myself in many ways
I can escape reality

When I watch the blood
It mesmerizes me
With the way it flows

When I feel the burn
It soothes me deep within
As the only thing I can think of
Is now the pain
And not the painful
Memories

When I bite myself
My thoughts numb and dissappear
As I dissociate
From reality

Music isn't loud enough anymore
I can't write enough poems
Your cuddles make me insecure
And drawing is too much effort for me to cope

Take my disabilities
And extract them out of my body

Extract the very part of me
That people have an issue with
Extract the essence of me

Take the autism
And tear it apart
Rip it to shreds and burn it
Because all of them
Have an issue with it

Take the CFS
And lay it down to rest
Tranquilize it and put it to sleep
Because all of them
Have an issue with it

Take the FND
And turn off its functionality
Ruin its muscles so it loses its grasp
Because all of them
Have an issue with it

Take the DID
And put the people inside of me
Out of their missery
Because all of them
Have an issue with it

Take the POTS
And stop its heart
Neurtralize its beating
Because all of them
Have an issue with it

They
People
Them
Everyone
Except the rare few
But they're too far and in-between
To stop my suffering

"Why does your face look like that"
"Why are you so obsessed with that"
"Why do you talk so loud"
"Why are you so quiet"
"Why do you have so many stuffies"
"Why do you carry a stuffie around like a child"
"Why cant you go to busy places with me"
"Why cant you take a buss"
"Why cant you live alone"
"Why cant you work"
"Why do you have a wheelchair"
"Why cant u walk today"
"Why cant you make your own food"
"Why do u spend so much money"
"Why do you sleep so much"
"Why don't you respond sometimes"
"Why cant we hangout"
"Why are you always so tired"
Why cant you just be normal

Extract my disabilities from my body
And bury them into the core of earth
So that they'll never again be unearthed

The wait starts to fade

You may be asking
The wait for what?

The wait for happiness
The wait for a real smile

The wait for these things
Is starting to fade

Soon I will no longer have to wait
And that's
Because of you

You have started gathering
The broken pieces of my heart
And so far
You have about half

And right now
I'm hoping
One day
You'll have them all

Then piece me back together

I say I'm alright
I say i'm okay
But you don't see the smile
When it falters form my face

You see the happiness
And the laughs you hear
But you're not there when I start to fear

You're not there when I question
All that life
Is to me

You're not there when I question
What it means
To be

I say I'm alright
I say I'm okay
But really deep down
I'm starting to decay

I feel as though I'm falling
With no real destination

I feel as though I'm falling
With no plan on where to land

I feel as though I'm falling
In mind
And it heart

I'm falling for you
And I'm falling out of this
But into that

I'm falling with no real destination
But away
And forward

I'm falling away
From the things
You say

I'm falling away
From the things
You do

I'm falling away
From the I love yous

I'm falling away
Because you tell me you love me
Even though your faith fell away

I'm falling away
Because even though you tell me you care
You're efforts have gone astray

I'm falling away
Because I feel as though
You're falling away
From me

On the other hand

I'm falling for him
For the things he says

I'm falling for him
For the things he does

I'm falling toward
A possible I love you

I'm Falling for him
Because even though there's no love
The faith seems to be there
and hopefully will stay

I'm falling for him
Because he shows me he cares
Even without the words

I'm falling for him
Because when he holds me tight
My heart feels warm

I'm falling for him
Because when he looks in my eyes
I feel seen

I'm falling for him
Because I feel as though
He's falling towards me

I'm falling
With no real destination
But up and away
Down and forward
Around and around

Until eventually my thoughts
Have me drowned

I live in a place
Where being alright
And being okay
Can't be reality
Unless I step outside of my head
Out of the body
That lays in my bed
And float onto a cloud
Of false dreams
False promises
And false hope

I grew up inside choas
Abuse
And trauma

Every turn I take
And every turn I took
Led to a door with a demon behind
Waiting and ready to taint my mind
My body
My soul
Until reality
No longer seemed
To hold much importance

If you know me
And you understand my reality
You'll understand why
Eventually within my mind
I'll run out of time

Your name to me is dad
Or father
But thats not how it feels in reality

I dont want to call you that
And it physically hurts me to
Because of all you've put me though

My pain stems from you
My tears stem from you
My heartbreaks stem from you

Every broken part of me is because of you

You touched me one night
And stole my innocence

You hit me one time
And stole my confidence

You shame me for the friends i make
Just because of race
Or maybe because they arent strong
Arent smart
They aren't good enough to you

And by doing that you make me afraid to hang out with them
Because if i do
Im afraid

Im afriad you'll hate on them
Or maybe ryu will

Im afraid you'll call me stupid
Or *******
Or any other thing
Just because they dont fit your standards

You make me afriad
Not of others
But of you
And i have a good reason to be

So no
You are no longer father
You are no longer my dad

You are no longer my family
You're just a name in the wind

I live in my own secret world

I think of things that I know are just a fantasy
I often imagine a different reality

I imagine a reality where me and you lasted
Where I didn’t flee from my feelings
And they weren't just blasted away
By my insecurities

I imagine a reality where I get to see you smile
And laugh
Every single day

I imagine a reality where your existence makes my day
And you make me consistently feel okay

I often imagine this reality
Maybe a few times a month
Because I try not to get too lost
Too caught up
In such a fantasy
Because then my feeling may overflow
More than they already do

I know you don't think of this fantasy world
This fake reality
Because I know I hurt you beyond trust
Beyond repair
So I just wish that maybe you'll consider a friendship

But you never do
Because you hate you
And you want me to

But I'll never hate you
And I never have
Because you live in my heart
In my mind
And in my soul
And I don't think I'll ever be able to
Just let these feelings go

"Father, why do you yell at me?"
"Because sometimes you're too much"

"Father,why do you hurt me?"
"So what you understand pain"

"Father, why won't you hug me?"
"Because I won't always be here"

"Father, when will you find help and get better?"
"When the time comes"

"Maria, why do you yell at yourself?"
"Because my own mind is too much"

"Maria, why do you hurt yourself?"
"So that I understand pain"

"Maria, why do you avoid me?"
"Because it'll hurt less when I'm gone"

"Maria, why won't you find help and get better?"
"Because you made me this way, father"

You heat me up and make me warm

When you kiss my skin
I love the burn

You light me up as you die down
Not even my tears can make you drown

I can feel the damaged emotions
On the tips of your fingers

I can feel the whispered silence
On the cracks of your lips

I can taste the wasted innocence
On the tip of your tongue

I can feel the gentle heartbreak
On the smoothness of your chest

I can feel the damaged distance
On the edges of your words

You aren't perfect
And you aren't a beautiful poem
But you are what I've fallen for

I want to feel every inch
Of your heartbreak

I want to feel every second
Of your whispered truth

I want to feel
All of the broken
That you hold within

I want to take your broken soul
And hold it all together

I want to feel it on my lips
And on the tips of my fingers

I want to feel it in my heart
And as you run your hand along my body

I want your heart next to mine
Even if it's a disaster

Its sad to be
In my thoughts
With me

But if you wish to delve
And take a dive
Inside of my mind
Then look below
At the words hollowed out
From within

I wish to be
Debilitated
But not dead
So that finally
Someone would just take care of me

Just for a little while
Until I was better
And maybe I'd once again
Gain my smile

I wish to be
Under the water
In an endless sea
With the only thing in sight
Endless blue
And faint bits of light

Just for a little while
Until I was calm
And maybe I'd once again
Find peace in your arms

I wish to be
Someone you see
As not broken
Or damaged
But yours
And just yours alone

Just for a little while
Until I felt okay to go
And maybe once again
I'd break anothers soul

I wish to be
Somebody else
With a good life
A big house
And maybe lots of friends

Just for a little while
Until I knew a normal thought
And maybe once again
Feel the innocence of freedom

I wish
To finally
Feel safe

I wish
To finally
Be at peace

I wish
To finally
Fulfill my dreams

I wish
To finally
After all is said and done
Be
Gone

I have had many houses
But never a home
Until I found you

When I was younger I didn't have a home
In the sense that
My heart was alone

When I was younger I didn't have a home
In the sense that
I couldn't drop the fake smile
Until I was on my own

I didn't have a home
Just a house or two
But then
My heart led itself to you

I no longer feel alone
Because now my heart is yours
And yours mine

I no longer feel alone
Because now I know I can be myself
Even when around you

I no longer feel alone
Because now I live with you
For the time being
And you have made this place feel like a home

So
I'm no longer alone with only a house

For now I have you
And you come with a home

And I know that even when I leave
I won't be alone

I find myself missing you

I wake up to our memories calling my name
I fall asleep to my forbidden fantasies
Pulling me away

I find myself missing you
Night
And day

But
I'm happy
With who I'm with now
So why does my heart remind me of you
Whenever I take a break
From the smile on my face

I lay in bed
And I fade away
Into thoughts
And memories

I lay in bed
As I drown
From within
Hoping that maybe I'll be pulled back
And be free from this reality

Drowning
Falling
Floating
Fleeing
Gone

I float on the maybes
Hoping they become solid

Floating makes me tired
I just want to lay down
On the ground
And rest

I drown in all the things
That fall through
And are no longer true

I drown in all the things
That you did
And that I did to you

I'm falling away
From reality
But I'm not even sure
If I even want to stay

I'm full now
Full of broken promises
And the lies people tell
Too full to take another bite

I'm wishing to be gone
To float away
Up into space
Where I can just be
In peace

I sit here
Blade in hand
But also beside me
As I try my best not to

But as I sit here
My mind floods with thoughts
And I begin to silently scream

Please
Dont let him
Near me

Please
Let me
Out of here

Please
Let me
Just be safe

Please
Give her
Back to me

Please
Dont
Leave
Me

Please
Dont
Use
Me

Please
Dont
Touch
Me

Please
Dont
Abuse
Me

Please
Dont
­Abandon
Me

Please
DONT
LET
HIM
BACK
IN
THE
HOUSE

For I fear for the day
Or maybe the night
That it happens
AGAIN
But you don't listen to my words
My please
My cries
For you to care

So please
Dont let it happen
Again
For I may not
Make it out
Alive

What's one more step
When my soul
Has already died?

Fly with wings of flame
Then maybe
You can withstand hr fiery eyes

Fly with wings of water
Then maybe
You won't drown in the depths of her soul

Fly with wings of earth
Then maybe
You won't be buried by her words

Fly with wings of air
Then maybe
You can glide the distance
To
Her heart

Follow me
Follow them

Follow this
Follow that

Fall for her
But not for me

Fall for him
But not for me

Round and round the cycle goes
People only liking people
For show

There's a forest in my soul
The leads to my heart

There is many things in the forest
Most
If not all
Are hidden

To reach my heart you must make it through

You must make it past
The forgetting paths
They often forget where they are supposed to go

You must make it past
The clingy wolfs
Sometimes they forget how far
Is too far

You must make it past
The overthinking bears
For they'll pin you down in a death like grip
But then stay there
For they start to overthink

Last
But not least

You must make it across
Lust lake
For sometimes
Depending on the way I act
It can drown you
In temptation

Forgotten wishes
When we turn
Four

Forgotten dreams
When we turn
Six

Forgotten friendships
When we turn
Eight

Forgotten imagination
When we turn
Ten

Forgotten smiles
When we turn
Twelve

Forgotten crushes
When we turn
Fourteen

Forgotten love
When we turn
Sixteen

Forgotten stories
When we turn
Eighteen

Forgotten family
When we turn
Twenty

We forget
And we remember

Every new memory comes at a cost
For every memory gained
A memory is lost

Let me go
Set me free

I'm tired
Of me
Of others
Of everything

I'm tired of being woken up by yelling
It's damaging my soul
And taking away my sanity

I'm tired of not getting any trust
It makes me feel as if all I do is wrong
And it's making me restrain all that is me

I'm tired of craving touch
All it ever does is remind me of the thing's he's done
And it's stealing my innocence over
And over
Again
And again
Day in and day out

Let me be
Set me free
Stop everything from continuing to
Damage me

Look at me
And see
How broken I've come to be
And **** with with me

Look at me
And see
The scars that litter my body
And **** with me

Look at me
And see
The horrible thoughts I hide away
And **** with me

This isn't what I want
But it's what people do
So if I play along
And let you use me
And abuse me
You're not playing me
But I'm playing you

So **** with me
And lets see
Who wins
This mental war

get out
Get out
GEt out
GET out
GET Out
GET OUt
GET OUT

I repeat it under my breath
And louder
And louder
In my head

But it doesnt matter
How many times
I repeat it
Or how loud
That I scream it

It wont do anything
When
YOU
KEEP
BRINGING
HIM HERE

Get away
From the house
Is all I can say
But it wont work
Because getting away
Is my job
And always will be

Your voice in my head
IT WONT LEAVE
Aslong as I hear
Your voice
Utter any words
In my vicinity

I cant get you
OUT
Because she keeps
BRINGING
YOU
BACK HERE

Please
Leave
LEave
LEAve
LEAVe
LEAVE
LEAVE!
LEAVE!!
LEAVE!!!

Or atleast
Let me
Die

At age 3
I began to see
That the world wasnt as kind
As it first seemed to be

I'd wake up to his voice
Loud and unrelenting
And I'd cry until
My eyes were dry

At age 5
I became sad
And tired
Losing the only friend I had

For my dog died
And could no longer protect me
So I cried
Until my eyes were dry

And every night after
I'd stay awake
Watching the cars drive by
My window
All night
Wishing once more
That she could be asleep
By my side

At age 8
We moved to a new place
And for a little while
Things were at peace

We lived in a campground
In a tent
Surrounded by other people
Some who I called friend

That was until
My friend split her head
And I watched her bleed
Unable to breath
Yet I was punished
And no longer able to see
The friend she had come to be

At age 9
Things fell apart
All because
He told me for the first time
That he loved me

But it was all lies
As he'd sneak into my room
Late at night
And steal the light
From my eyes

At this time
I also began to
Not wanna eat
Because
If I made myself
Skinny and sick
Maybe he wouldnt
Comment on my body

At age 10
I became the me
That I wish never became
Reality

I started to harm my skin
Hoping to bleed
So that the only reason
I was bleeding
Wasn't because of him

At age 11
My classmates
Started to ask me
Why I was always
Spending all day
Locked away
In the nurse's office

I would always just say
Oh
I'm just tired today
But the truth is that
I'd come to school
Crying everyday
And couldn't function
So they'd hide me away

At age 12
I ran away
They didn't even notice
That I was gone the entire
Beggining of the day

When I was found
I was yelled at
And called selfish
So that night
I tried to end my life

I didn't succeed
And after a bit
I started dating
People online

I was groomed
And used
And abused
But atleast someone
Wanted me

At age 13
I could no longer be
Living for the purpose
Of being for him

So I told my brother
Who betrayed me
I told my mom
Who decided
That it was me
Who had to leave

She'd visit me
Once a week
And always update
HIM
On me

So I started to change myself
So he couldn't possibly picture
Who I'd come to be
With this new family

And so that
The person who ***** me
Would no longer be attracted
To the person
They'd now see

At age 14
I started to change even more
For it didn't feel like enough
To me
And I didn't want to be recognized
If he were
To see me

Later that year
My mom also asked me
To once again
Come be with her
And live in a new place

It felt like a dream
Like everything would be okay
And I could live with a real parent
But I soon learned
That biological
Doesn't mean real

At age 15
He came back
Into the house
Into my life

And my home
Turned into
A cold dark
Nightmare
All over again

But I just told myself
That it was just that
A nightmare
It wasn't real
And I began to let myself
Be used
By partners

My body was the only thing on me
That people would love me for
So why not use it

Near the end of the year
I moved in
With someone
I didn't even think I loved
But he cared for me
And he liked my body

At age 16
I knew I loved him
And I always would
For he took care of me
And did his best
To shield me from all the bad people
That would harm me

Even though sometimes
He couldn't handle
What it meant to be
In love with me

And I began to learn
That I was more than my body

But then
I was also once again
***** by another
Who was supposed to be
A new friend

Now we are here
At age 17
I was put into an abusive
Foster home
And had to call the police
After walking to a gas station
For 2 hours
At 1 AM

I ended up
Back at my moms
At a place
Where I never feel safe

I was ***** by
Another two
People

One who I loved
And felt the most safe with
In such a long while

And another
Who was just supposed to be
A friend

I've been touched
Another two times
By someone my mom
Decided to be with
And decided to date

After she knew
She still stayed
With him

But now I'm at my end
Because
I can't get the feeling
Of his hands
Off of me

Put your hands on me
For I only have substance
If I have a body

Put your hands on me
Ignoring every verbal
And silent plea

Put your hands on me
A girl barely formed
Underneath a monster

Put your hands on me
Fully grown
And fully used to the memory

Put your hands on me
As you force youself
Onto me

Put your hands on me
And cover my mouth
If I dare to speak

Put your hands on me
And silence me with threats
Of being taken away

Put your hands on me
Sexually
But if I dont listen
Physically

Put your hands on me
Forget your words of love
Forget the words of trust

Put your hands on me
Abandoning all morals
And all inhabition

Put your hands on me
And fill me with love
For only your touch
Makes me always sure
And always secure
But you want more than just mine

I harm my body

I can still hear the sound of my fist hitting metal
And I still remember the fleeting way I would look around making sure no one saw

I can still smell the sweetness of my blood as it drips
And feel my skin as it splits in two

I harm my self in many ways
Some that I can't even explain

You asked if I hate you and said that I should
The last time that you did
What you did

And I don't

I don't hate you
I hate myself

You make me hate myself
You reach deep down inside
Grab all my fears and insecurities
Shove them back down my throat
With all the force you can find deep within
Yourself

You claim to love me
Yet you abandon me in need
And claim I'm too overwhelming
You can't care for me
But oh
You love me

You dont make me hate you
You make me hate myself
You grab every single thing I fear
And you light it on fire infront of my face
As you force me to watch

You claim to love me
Yet you cheat on me when I'm incapacitated
And claim you have no memory
So you can't take accountability
But oh
You love me

You don't make me hate you
You make me hate myself
You grab every single thing I hate about myself
And hold up the magnifying glass to all of it
As you force me to comply

You claim to love me
But then you criticize me when I'm looking for a compliment
And claim you didn't understand what I need
You didn't understand that it was mean
But oh
You love me

No I dont hate you
I hate me.

But man am I ******* angry
At everything you do.

He writes poetry
But no one knows

He writes poetry
He writes about love
And loss

He writes about smiles
And frowns

He writes about sorrow
And forgotten towns

He writes about how lost he gets
Caught up in his own mind

He writes poetry to
And about others

But no one knows

Know one knows the depth of his soul
Because they all choose to see the exterior
And that exterior screams

Preppy
And preppy
Don't have souls

Or so they thought
Until the day he was consumed
By his own poetry

His eyes flicker with fear when you reach a hand out
But you don't notice

His eyes flicker with worry when you hang with other guys
But you don't notice

His eyes show love when you smile his way
But you don't notice

His eyes are peaceful when you hug him
But they are also showing a paralyzing fear
You still don't notice though

You make him feel peaceful when no one else does and your laugh erases his fears
But you don't notice

His stormy grey eyes and gentle hugs make you feel wanted and worth something
But this isn't a love story

For her demons consumed her one night and now shes gone
And he never noticed her pain for she was a master of deception

Hold me close
Hold me near

Don't hold me like you wanna touch me
Hold me like you wanna love me

Wrap your arms around my waist
Don't lead them any other place

Pull me close
Keep me safe

For your arms around me
Brings me peace

I
Think
I
Love
You

Hold me close
Keep me safe

Wrap your arms around my shoulders
Wrap your arms around my waist

Hold my hand
Pull me close

Make silly jokes
And make me smile

For when I smile for you
My smile is true
And when I see your smile on your face
All my fears and doubts
Are erased

I'm hollowed out
From within
Feeling empty
And barren

Laying on my bed
Fading away
Into the thoughts
Of nothing
As my eyes begin
To unfocus
And everything around me
Begins
To
Fade
Away

Fading
FAding
FADing
FADIng
FADINg
FADING­

Gone

You ended things
Because you couldn't handle a relationship
At lest that's what you said

But really
It was because
You didn't love me

So stop with the lies
And tell me the truth

Because
I no longer
Want to hurt

I love you
Yeah
I said it
And I know I've said it before
But I no longer say it to you
Because
You aren't sure you want to be more than a thing
Ever
So I'll just keep it in my head

Everytime I text you I feel my heart constrict
I love you
And loving you hurts me

But
I'm going to fight
For you
And I'm not giving up
Not until you find someone else

I wanna see every smile that crosses your face
I wanna hear every laugh that passes your lips
I wanna help with every tear
Every sad thought that passes your way

I want to make you happy
But I'm not sure I'll be the one to do that

But I won't give up
Not yet

You set me free but at the same time I hold back

Every time I see you smile I wanna say I love you
Everytime I make you laugh I wanna say I love you
Everytime you frown I wanna say I love you
Everytime I look into your eyes that hold all the emotions I wanna understand
I wanna whisper I love you

But I can't say it out loud
So I'll say it silently

I'll say it to myself before I fall asleep
I'll say it to myself when I wake up
I'll say it to myself on those lonely nights when I stare up at the moon
Wishing you could hear me
And maybe say it back

But for now
I'll wait

You hurt me
But I love you
So I'll fight

I am the shadow you fear in the darkest corner of your dreams
Yet I am also the beauty of the haunted mysteries that draw you near

I am darkness
And I am light

I am a monster
And I am an angel

I am the memories you wish to erase
But I am also the ones you wish to keep

I am love
And I am hate

I am truth
And I am lies

I am you
But I am still me

I am your conscious

If I was a guy would people like me the same?
Hate me the same?

Would they treat me the same?
Or would they like me more?

Would they treat me the same?
Or would they hate me more?

If I was a guy would I be as lost?
Would I be as broken?
Would my past no longer be the past that it is?

If I was a guy would my dad have ever touched me?

If I was a guy would I still be just as used?
Just as worthless?
Just as lonely?

Or would I have somebody to hold?
Would I have somebody to call my own?

If I was a guy
Would I still be me?
Or have an entirely different reality

I hate you
I HATE you
I HATE YOU
I wish to scream in your face
I wish to scream until my voice is erased

But you're also everything to me
Everything in me
SCREAMS
I love you
Dont go

Although you dont love me
The way that I love you
Or you wouldn't ruin me
Everytime we get back
Together

You care more about your satisfaction
Than my emotional reaction

You cheat
You lie
You hurt me
And lay it all down in a pretty disguise

You love me
You take care of me
You keep me alive
But it's you I despise

I HATE YOU
But please
Stay here

You see the smile I plaster on my face
But you don't see it falter
At the end of each day

You see me laugh as it lights up my eyes
But you don't notice
That it's really from crying

You notice the happy looks
And blushing you cause

But you don't notice the sad ones
And the frowns that come from
My own self imposed flaws

You see when I'm happy
And up and about

But you don't see when I'm sad
And can't even get up
To walk around

You see my talk about the things I love
Like my art
My poetry
And the walks in the dark

But you don't see the results that come from
These things that I do

You don't see the art
That shows the pain that I wish to display

You don't read the poems
That speak the words my heart wishes to say

And most of all
You're not there when all of my broken
Flows to the surface
As the dark masks all the flaws
As I think about all the wrong choices I've made

Buy hey,
I'm okay
So just focus on the smile
On my face

I scream into the empty space beyond
"I'M HERE"
But all I hear is my own scream echoed back

I scream out loud
But there is no sound
Except for my own echoes
In my head

Its dark
Empty
Cold
Crushing
And you're the darkness

You're the darkness and he let you back in
With his harsh words
And zero remorse or genuine conviction of care

You're all around me
You completely surrounded me
I can't run
I can't hide
For its endless
And I'm tired

You completely surrounded me
As I drown myself red
To add any colour to this dreadful dark
But it's so dark that nothing could hope to ever see
So the red flows black
Nothing but a feeling
Fleeting
Eating me alive

I scream
"PLEASE HELP I DON'T WANNA DROWN"
But all I hear is a soft voiceless echo
As my cries leave my mouth wordless
So all that can be heard
Is the silent echoes
As I'm swallowed
Now gone