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Zero Oct 2020
this isn't me.
the reflection i see in the mirror cannot be the case that surrounds me.
this just isn't right.
i see my hands moving, i see my eyes blinking,
but that simply cant be.
this just isn't me.
i struggle with depersonalization disorder.
cat Mar 2020
today is a Gone day
the kind of day where i can't
see past the blood on my fingertips
the kind of day where standing up
or thinking too long
makes my chest ache

today the world outside my thoughts
is cloudy and irrelevant
i want to sleep but my head is too loud
i can't even speak over the deafening sounds
those wretched voices reminding me
that i'll never be enough

today I can't leave my room
reality slips under me and i'm in a Gone world
my senses evaporate and i'm left in my head,
alone, again

today will disappear from my memory
in the stream of coming days
it's already starting to slip away
one moment, and it's Gone.
quarantine is perfect for dissociative episodes :) hope y'all are coping okay and staying safe and healthy.
Raven Apr 2018
When you feel darkness creeping up on you and demons settling in you should push them away with all your might

Because if you give in they will haunt you all day and night

They will try and scare you any chance they get

When the demon named depression starts whispering in your ear I advise you to ignore every word no matter how taunting

When the demon named anxiety starts telling you stories to doubt every turn you take, anything you say, remind yourself they are just stories

If a demon named DPD starts telling you you're worthless unless someone is with you don't listen and remind yourself that what makes you worth it is you and not others

So no matter what never listen to the demons that may sneak up on you and don't take any steps into darkness because it is hell to try and get out.
January/ 2018/ 14 yrs old
sofia Feb 2018
i fear that when i love
it is far to much like a vine.
always longing to cling
and unable to grow alone
feeding off the sap of another
deteriorating any of my host trees
competing for their light

heavily vine laden trees grow more slowly
produce fewer seeds
less fruit
and due to their deteriorative effects on trees
most people seem to advocate the removal of vines.

i fear that when i love it is far too parasitic.
a poem about loving with dependant personality disorder
arms rip away at this skeletal heart without question:
a useless muscle that means nothing to me if i can't hold you.

open up your eyes, beloved.
just because i'm dead doesn’t mean
i can’t love you in this bed
during the night.

for today imagine that this is mutual.
that i am not a ghost and you are not
bound to sunsets with men that don’t
share my exact eye color.

let me lie to you. explain that i don't
******* to shadows ******* anymore,
cross my heart and hope to die.
(i hope you remember that
a heart can beat and still
long for grave-sites).

i know this isn’t a coffin
because i am burning
and you are always here at my side.

pull me up from this
necrophiliac-night-club
and we'll go on

as if you've never found those
maggots in my sock drawer.

i promise.
(c) ophelia annaliese 2k15

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