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I waited
20 weeks
38 weeks
177 weeks
And I still loved you
Because it came as naturally as breathing
And who but us could understand
The waiting
I've caught myself low again
In a pretty place
Where my troubles can't find me
I guess it goes to show
Distance can't fight sadness
When it sits in your soul

*Maybe tomorrow it'll be better
My best kept secret
Is that I love you
So much that sometimes it frightens me
And I enjoy my time
Spent wasting nights in your bed
Just please remember darling
I like bruises on my thighs
Not my arms
And there are boundaries
You just shouldn't push
I can't help but wonder
If you ever loved me at all
Which is such an interesting thing
For me to ponder on
Considering the doubt was
Close to always
Directed toward me
Yet somehow here we are
30 weeks and some odd days later
And I still want what's best for you
But you want nothing of me
Perhaps I am being too rash
In my making of assumptions
But quite frankly
If you ever once loved me at all
You would put in the effort
To be civil to me now
How long until you give in
When missing me takes priority
Over all your pride
When the same dreams that haunt me
Overcome your sense of self
And you finally look at me
With my familiar blue eyes
And my freckles
That your lips have worshipped
A thousand times over
How Long?
It was never once a question
Of whether or not she loved me
. . .  Though I did question it . . .
Of course she loved me
She loved everyone
Misfits, rejects, broken hearts
Why would I be different?
But in the end,
That was the question
Was I different from everyone else?
And if so,
Why?
She never once gave me an answer
If Someone Were To Write A Poem About Me, This Is What It Would Say.
I have been up many a night
Yet I still don't know why
Those that I love so very much
Want so desperately to die

*The Suicide Diaries
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