I cannot stand to be
continuously touched
It makes me anxious
& sick to my stomach
He was the one who
understood my struggle
He accepted it &
respected my boundaries

Why couldn't you?

I'm not asking much
when I'd rather sleep alone
It is not because I'm
not interested, but because
it makes me physically ill
You're touch is comforting,
don't get me wrong,
but cuddling gives me anxiety

When we're in public
& you kiss me,
I want to get in a ball
& roll away from the scene
He understood this
& would hold my hand
He accepted that PDA
made me uncomfortable

Why couldn't you?

When you kiss me in front
of all of our friends
& sometimes strangers,
I get nervous & shakey
It's not their business
& they don't need to see
cause PDA gives me anxiety

When I see a door ****,
I refuse to touch it
I will use any excuse to
have someone open the door
or open it myself with no contact
He understood this &
would never let a door close
He accepted it & carried
around GermX at all times

Why couldn't you?

I'm not asking much of you
to open a door for me
You are not my slave,
it's just called kindness,
cause germs give me anxiety

I lose people I love
because of my anxiety
I try to make up for it
in little things I do,
but usually it's not enough
But if I'm uncomfortable
& seriously unhappy,
what's the loss?
I'll find another him
that accepts me for me

You just couldn't

What daze me craze
Is your faith to fate
Up above the nation's feet
Across the oceans rage
Down the land that curse
Yet mind stands fearless
Amidst your foes rants and lies
How soon shall you come
Into the land of rest
Not until your fame flies
Up abroad its stage
With eyes full of many
Unriped aborted response
Maami thought you craze
Papa says you'll fail
Uncle lays await
Of your failed mistake
To blow you off in mockery
And shame daze you off the way
Yet your craze raised high
In what seems unshaken
Of your faith and hopes
To make the village known
Of its giftings and raws
.

#AfricanThoughtCollections

Low, down,under
Almost drowning
Kick, push, hold on
It gets harder when you're counting
I'm weak, in doubt and fear
Down know where the shore is
Love, hope and faith
That's what keeps me floating

I wanted to think that I was special to you;
that I was different than the rest.
fooled myself into somehow believing this,
and lived in a state of false happiness

But I was so used to being covered with your lies
that when it was over you left me bare
and my raw skin felt it all;
the pain, the sadness, and especially the fear

I've been searching for the truth ever since
hoping that I could finally find comfort there
but I don't even know what honesty looks like
because the face of sincerity has become so rare.

empty bottles litter the room
too many have passed your lips
lying bathed in darkness
eyes bloodshot with tomorrow's regrets
you hold my hand like an anchor
keeping you from drifting in this lonely sea
as 80 proof courses violently through your veins
I like to believe you chose me to be here with you anyways

silence surrounds us until you finally find peace  
desperate to remain afloat even if only in your dreams
my breaths ebb and flow to the rhythm of your heartbeats
my restless nights without you I'll spend
thinking of times like these
so if only for this moment
right now you need me
an antidote that will save you from yourself
then that is what I'll be
even if you’re the drug
from which I need relief