You asked me to jump in the river,
Last I was here I nearly drowned,
You assure me it's safe, like a dip in the lake
But I just stand here and stare at the ground
You're tugging and pulling and teasing and mocking, it's all such good fun for you
But Im stuck in a daze, reliving the ways the current swirled and looped
You're starting to get impatient, we're hand in hand,
My feet stuck firm in the sand
You're disappointed I couldn't follow through

I go with the flow until the current consumes me, thrashing around until I'm lost at sea. Sometimes I'm lucky to find a rope to be held, a sense of safety amidst the chaos, a feeling unparalleled. I'll tug and I'll pull until I'm almost free, but the rope always snaps and the hands on the other end I never reach. I sink to the bottom with no hope to keep float, the sadness is heavy, a personal chainmail ccoat. I work up the nerve to swim towards the shore, but that's so ambitious when I've never been there before, so I spend my days floating in thoughts, reminding myself love has always had a cost. Every time I'm close to the beach of a lover, I'm hit with tidal waves one after another. One day I'll free myself from this isolating ocean,  but the whisper of being saved is a lingering notion.

I fell in love with our delusions
Promise of love, a home, a life
With no fear of the obstacles or outside intrusion
But that blew up and now I'm stuck
Convincing myself it was all an illusion

Two tattoos, 10 years, many moons
No one could have told me I'd spend my life without you
You saw it all, my rise and my fall
Every girl that I was,
And the woman that I am
Saved a special place next to me
Where always you could stand
You held me when I cried
Cleaned my room when I couldn't move
Came to me from hours away
When I faced my darkest doom
Without you, I'd never be me
So I'll always love you from here
Even if you never see

I showed you all my favorite activities, included you in my hobbies.
I wanted you to see my soul and know I held you close.
But now everything is tainted with thoughts of you.

I want something sweet on the tip of my tongue,
a strawberry, some coolwhip, and coconut ***
I need it to send dopamine to my brain,
I want to stop laying here, going insane
Ice cream and syrup and sprinkles could do,
But after it all,
I'm still craving you.

I was made of fabric
Hair like silk framing my face
Naive eyes looking every which way
And through rough palms
I was strung along
And changed into tattered lace

I was made of leather
Firm but flexible
Looking for pleasure
I thought I knew better,
Had found the right way
I had to learn it hurts just as bad
To bend but not break

I am made of steel
Solid and sturdy, I don't have to feel
I can keep myself safe
It's okay to be alone at the end of the day
I built myself up, I filled my own cracks
It haunts my heart to think of my reckless past

The tide rolls in, the tide pulls out, with every wave I'm drowning no doubt, totally surrounded, pulled deep in the undertow, my senses unfounded,
but you're where I want to go,
I'm thrashing and paddling, I'm searching for air, the current I'm straddling will take me somewhere, without reason I flow away from the shore;
Diving with intention?
I've never done that before.