I have to block out thoughts of darkness so I don’t lose my mind
They fester like a septic wound, leaving me alone waiting for death
Dropping darkness and insecurity, to remind me that I’m alone
******* with my head till I can’t ever get back home
There’s a self loathing in my mind, Self pity seeping in my brain
And I really want you to just end me, will you take me down again?
And I never even said that I love you or tried to give you hope
Don’t ever try to fix me,
I am still so lost to myself

**** me today, **** me tomorrow
**** me for all the things that I always did to you

I’ve been on my own for 3 whole months
It’s something that has made me completely hate myself
And we were so poisonous back then, and it’s you I’ll never get to touch again
And I will never ever thank you for leaving me so very far behind
While I didn’t ever give a **** about us, you were always on my mind
You drove me mad with your constant attention pleas and a sadness that I hate
It’s something I can never deal with and now it’s way to fucken late
So I’m longing for you to end me now so these sick thoughts can leave my mind
And once again your ever so precious self can leave me far behind

**** me today, **** me tomorrow
**** me for all the things I always did to you
**** me in ways, ways hard to swallow
**** me so you can finally get past what I broke in you

And I never cared for the ways we always fought
And I kick myself for always rising to your **** stupid taunts
Like a stupid ***** i couldn’t let it go
Looking deep in your blue blue eyes, I know it’s me you’ll forever hate
I just wish I could make everything always just go away
I just want all this **** pain to ****** end, so **** all that’s left of me
I know you’re wondering “Why is she doing this to me

**** me today, **** me tomorrow
**** me for all the things I always did to you
**** me in ways, ways hard to swallow
**** me so you can finally get past what I broke in you

Alone in my head, it's dark, i'm scared
Shaking in fear, can i be repaired?

Long days and thoughts fighting for attention
Body wired so full of tension

Alone again with my twisted thoughts
Such anger at myself
And this emptiness haunts

Letting go...so hard to do
It's not so simple to be made anew

Frustration in myself with things i cant share
Cause there's no one here
And i'm stuck in thinking "who would even care?"

Sharing my darkness,...such a hard task
Not wanting to burden those that ask

Ive been this way since i can remember
I stoked the fires and tended the embers

Taken away all im left with is my pain
Im wrapped in glass and held down by chains
All i want is to feel safe again...

I can see the shadows ahead of me
Cast adrift on this raging sea

Sleepless inside this insane mind
Forever in this turmoil confined

I take the pills 1, 2, 3, 4
Try to pick myself up off the floor

Plaster a smile upon my face
I hope that i don’t disgrace

When no ones looking the tears start again
I’m just so empty and full of pain

I hate what’s become of me
And hope no one can see
That inside me it’s grown so dark
The drugs don’t work
And it’s tearing me apart.

This disorder of the mind
Like a slow creeping disease
Separates you from reality and to your past entwines

Lost in it's Labyrinth of sickly woven truth
Reliving each assault like your mind needs new proof

The more you fight it the more tangled it becomes
Till your suffocating on memories and feel you are done

If I embrace the past for all that it's worth
Immerse myself and choke on it till the pain gets worse
Give in to it's redundant soul destroying curse

Then I may be able to abandon it and set this sickness free
Far from my mind somewhere safe for it to be
Cause I can't take much more of this
It's only this disease that I see
And I just want to get back to the real me.

I'll give you a nightmare so raw and true
For all the stress you put me through

Drag your body to the ground
Stab you once, don't make a sound

As your blood starts to pool
And your breath begins to cool

I'll cut your neck from side to side
Sink my fingers in as the skin divides

Grasp your ****** flesh with my fingertips
Pull down hard, watch your skin rip

The slower I pull the harder I play
As your lifeless face starts to grey
And your worthless life fades away

Slicing along your ***** bone
Is the most satisfying feeling I've ever known

I hold above me my treasured prize
My gleeful face I can't disguise

From your skin I'll fashion a light
It'll shine and make my darkness bright
Forever mine, always in my sight.

I've been awake for hours, all my thoughts are *******
Time stood still, broken pieces shatter and i'm torn in two
To myself i'm always so cruel

Cause words mean nothing when such painful emotions rule
Reality is lost, i'm floating lifeless in a disaster zone

A sense of confusion fills me and i feel so alone
At times like these i wish i could call my mind home

But it rages and storms and in darkness roams
Till it's so disjointed it feels like the thoughts don't belong
Nothing makes sense, everything just feels so wrong
I need to switch off, need to stop thinking for a while
It's been so long