Swaying in the middle of a roaring crowd
Heartbeat steady, I can't hear a sound
The silence is deafening

On the bus with so many around
Facing forward, head hanging down
The silence is deafening

Sitting at home, family full on
Eyes shut, my mind gone
The silence is deafening

Standing in a long checkout line
Switched off, stare on, all's fine
The silence is deafening

At a party with friends on a Friday night
Standing alone, music loud, dim light
The silence is deafening

The silence we hear when our minds shut down
When thoughts are deep and in silence we drown

Enjoy these times for what they are for
An escape from the madness, till our minds restore.

I'll give you a nightmare so raw and true
For all the stress you put me through

Drag your body to the ground
Stab you once, don't make a sound

As your blood starts to pool
And your breath begins to cool

I'll cut your neck from side to side
Sink my fingers in as the skin divides

Grasp your ****** flesh with my fingertips
Pull down hard, watch your skin rip

The slower I pull the harder I play
As your lifeless face starts to grey
And your worthless life fades away

Slicing along your ***** bone
Is the most satisfying feeling I've ever known

I hold above me my treasured prize
My gleeful face I can't disguise

From your skin I'll fashion a light
It'll shine and make my darkness bright
Forever mine, always in my sight.

I fall to my knees as you run that mouth
We will always crash and burn
When it's the truth we need to learn
Over and over the darkness spins endlessly
Taking a hold of the tension screaming in every nerve
Crushing it till you get what you deserve

I save myself from sacrifice
The blood that rains down won't be mine
I'll save myself from sacrifice
The more you cut the less I mind
You cry, you beg, it's you that bleeds
The husk of your soul that was never meant to be
Crumbles in the aftermath of all the ****** debris

Pointless dramas in a wasted life
Full of scars and memories stuck on constant repeat
These technicolour fuckups have never set you free
Tripping on your fear and hate in a sick twisted sea

I save myself from sacrifice
The blood that rains down won't be mine
I'll save myself from sacrifice
The more you cut the less I mind
You cry, you beg, it's you that bleeds
The husk of your soul that was never meant to be
Crumbles in the aftermath of all the ****** debris

So take these words and choke them down
The lump of your truth will be painful to drown
Your mind is now open to realities lies
It's you that is broken now open your eyes
I want you to watch as...

I save myself from sacrifice
The blood that rains down won't be mine
I'll save myself from sacrifice
The more you cut the less I mind
You cry, you beg, it's you that bleeds
The husk of your soul that was never meant to be
Crumbles in the aftermath of all the ****** debris

Come to me my little fiend
Come dine with me
On the blood of the weak and thine enemy

Demon of flesh and darkness of old
Take him down before you in his arms he enfolds

Slashing at flesh, cackles of glee
The demon strikes at your miserable plea

He says don't struggle now, your souls bound to me
Nails of searing heat tear at your flesh
As your agony and his delight, like light and dark firmly mesh

He is yours and now you are his
He licks his lips and sighs out a hiss
Take me as i am, your darkness of retribution
Enemies downfall and your weakness persecution.

Drag me under and hold me down
The more i choke the faster i drown

Take my horror and wield the knife
You pierced my skin will you take my life

I grit my teeth when the blade sinks in
Moaning in pleasure with this painful sin

I crave my torture to keep me sane
Begging you to do it over and over again

The cutting, the pain, i feel so alive
In this nightmare is where my sense thrive

My nerves on fire as blood fills my mouth
I laugh in glee as the blade slides out

Now you know my secret...
What i dream about.

To feel numb, to not look back
Close my eyes and hit that same old track

Oh the bliss, take a deep breath now as i fall into the abyss
All that was broken in me i can now dismiss

Cause it's washed away in this false state of freedom
Where i let go and have no fear of my demons

But this place is not safe to hide
It's a killer and will cut you up inside

Cause great pain and conflict
Drag you down much further than before

Even have you lying in your own blood on the floor
Even then you will hear yourself say
Just one more hit...one more fix...one more day.

Ah yes, i too wish to be by the sea
So at night my soul can roam free

Riding the waves in the ebb and flow
While my mind is caressed by the gentle wind that blows
The sand between my toes makes me smile as my tension goes

The beach is everything to me
I love the sound, the sight, the sea
It gives me peace and makes me feel free.

Thoughts so shallow
This page ain't deep
Blood, ***, self torture
For your pleasure comes cheap

Hot, sick, twisted images
And I'm breathing hard
Almost over the edge
Can anyone tell how far

Lust is fleeting
But oh so sweet
And the ache deep within I can quiet with my evil sin

My thoughts wander to your flesh so sweet
And your sick, twisted words
Have my heart missing beats

This is my pleasure
This is my pain

I don't think I ever wrote anything that scary
But just because you happened to dare me

I'll weave a tale of fear and dread
A story so vile it'll stop your heart dead

Deep in the night when you're asleep in bed
An creature most foul enters your head

He slits open your papery eardrums with his claws
And sneaks on through without even a pause

He runs his sharp nails along your tympanic cavity
And blood rains down as he licks at it absently

A slit he cuts in your middle temporal artery
Then he slides on in like a thief on a robbery

Riding the current on twists and turns
On the crimson tide he is now a foreign germ

When he reaches his prefered destination
It is here he will wreak his final devastation

Behind your eye he works his claws and drills your bone
Until he hits his mark and lets out a gleeful moan

From his mouth comes a proboscis long and sleek
Then out it's tip a rancid fluid it does leek

Turning your eyeball into slimy mush
He ***** up the fluid in one long gush

Then he squeezes through the hole that he made
And in the eyes remains is where he lays

When he wakes it's through your eyelid he tears
His furtive scrambling's on your face does pierce

As you wake up and the pain you can feel
Screams of terror as to your mother you appeal

The blood streaming slowly down your face
Is acidic and burning as it leaves a furrowed trace

Looking into the mirror in shock and dismay
You realise in horror that in your eye eggs have been laid.

At an age where I was so fragile
You took to me with more than I could handle

A hand to the neck, my head through the wall
What did I do to make this anger on me befall
In my room a sock I forgot to pick up was all

You screamed in my face till my brother intervened
It was far worse than anything I could of ever dreamed

Through the years the anger kept on coming
And it turned me into the ***** I was becoming

The time I curled up on the chair
You kicked and punched me, pulled my hair
I may have misbehaved but that punishment was so unfair

You say you gave us kids everything
You did along with heartache and pain
We learnt how to be violent
For that you are to blame

Two of your children are so violent it's sick
Two others it was drugs that they picked

Drugs is the reason that one is dying
And the other one can't stop on alcohol relying

You say you've had such a hard life
It would have been better if you'd been a better wife
A nicer mother to your children
But even they took to you with a knife

I wonder sometimes what would have become of me
If "I love you" had been said to me
Would there still be all this debris
All that's left of this family

My anger at you is still so raw
But unlike you I don't need to settle the score

I've taken my own family and given them love
I give them everything I always dreamed of
It's all I had needed when I was young
But from now on you and I are done.

I'm gonna make you feel so small,
On your broken knees you'll crawl

I am your only friend
And I'll be the one to destroy you in the end

Make you feel worthless, uncertain and purposeless
And I'm so **** remorseless

Spend your days hiding in the dark,
The fears and guilt I feed you will hit their mark
Just one look in the mirror
And on a downward spiral you'll embark

Wallowing in self hatred and pity
This emotional ride I got you on is gonna make you dizzy

When you're up I'll drag you down,
You'll feel empty and in sadness drown

When you're down on your feet you'll be raised
Just so I can show you it's I who holds the reigns

Nobody likes you...
You're always forgotten
Nobody wants you...
And the scars inside
Nobody cares...

I am the only one that will always be there...
but I only offer you...
Pain...Sadness...Weakness and Fear...
Am I making myself clear?

I'm lying naked, in your eyes i can see your ***** hatred
But i still want it...

Your precious degradation will be my salvation
Create my fate in this hopeless situation

Do i seem so demure?
Behind these eyes i am far from pure

Wrap your hand around my neck
The more you hurt me the hotter i get

Self hatred feeds these sick desires
And just a spark of pain can start the fire

Alone...i want your demons
Lonely...I need your dark
And now...i have your nothing.

I write because it keeps me sane
Takes away my sorrow, anger and pain

When my mind switches off or gets stuck on repeat
Words make no sense and i feel incomplete

My lines have no flow and the frustration sets in
Pen poised above paper
Giving up before I can even begin

On with the headphones, Psyclon Nine takes my life
Haunting my head so my hand can write
The rhythm of rhyme pushes my senses to flight

While the energy  incited by the beat of the drum
Has me no longer frustrated and no longer numb

Music is my muse and with it I play
I'm the hunter, the words are my prey.

I have to block out thoughts of darkness so I don’t lose my mind
They fester like a septic wound, leaving me alone waiting for death
Dropping darkness and insecurity, to remind me that I’m alone
******* with my head till I can’t ever get back home
There’s a self loathing in my mind, Self pity seeping in my brain
And I really want you to just end me, will you take me down again?
And I never even said that I love you or tried to give you hope
Don’t ever try to fix me,
I am still so lost to myself

**** me today, **** me tomorrow
**** me for all the things that I always did to you

I’ve been on my own for 3 whole months
It’s something that has made me completely hate myself
And we were so poisonous back then, and it’s you I’ll never get to touch again
And I will never ever thank you for leaving me so very far behind
While I didn’t ever give a **** about us, you were always on my mind
You drove me mad with your constant attention pleas and a sadness that I hate
It’s something I can never deal with and now it’s way to fucken late
So I’m longing for you to end me now so these sick thoughts can leave my mind
And once again your ever so precious self can leave me far behind

**** me today, **** me tomorrow
**** me for all the things I always did to you
**** me in ways, ways hard to swallow
**** me so you can finally get past what I broke in you

And I never cared for the ways we always fought
And I kick myself for always rising to your **** stupid taunts
Like a stupid ***** i couldn’t let it go
Looking deep in your blue blue eyes, I know it’s me you’ll forever hate
I just wish I could make everything always just go away
I just want all this **** pain to ****** end, so **** all that’s left of me
I know you’re wondering “Why is she doing this to me

**** me today, **** me tomorrow
**** me for all the things I always did to you
**** me in ways, ways hard to swallow
**** me so you can finally get past what I broke in you

The tip of the blade as it touches my skin
Is the ecstasy of pain, now let the pleasure begin

I crave the dance of emotion as contact is made
The depraved breath in, as my skin you degrade

Don't stop now, the sensation is real
Give me pain for my pleasure
Till it's rapture I feel

Stroke my irritation till the blood gently flows
Wrap yourself around me, does my desire now show

Slide along my skin, now it's slick with my blood
Your crimson body now like my lifes new drug

Is this what you wanted, has your soul been freed
Because if you make me want, you better feed my need.

Alone in my head, it's dark, i'm scared
Shaking in fear, can i be repaired?

Long days and thoughts fighting for attention
Body wired so full of tension

Alone again with my twisted thoughts
Such anger at myself
And this emptiness haunts

Letting go...so hard to do
It's not so simple to be made anew

Frustration in myself with things i cant share
Cause there's no one here
And i'm stuck in thinking "who would even care?"

Sharing my darkness,...such a hard task
Not wanting to burden those that ask

Ive been this way since i can remember
I stoked the fires and tended the embers

Taken away all im left with is my pain
Im wrapped in glass and held down by chains
All i want is to feel safe again...

I can see the shadows ahead of me
Cast adrift on this raging sea

Sleepless inside this insane mind
Forever in this turmoil confined

I take the pills 1, 2, 3, 4
Try to pick myself up off the floor

Plaster a smile upon my face
I hope that i don’t disgrace

When no ones looking the tears start again
I’m just so empty and full of pain

I hate what’s become of me
And hope no one can see
That inside me it’s grown so dark
The drugs don’t work
And it’s tearing me apart.

This disorder of the mind
Like a slow creeping disease
Separates you from reality and to your past entwines

Lost in it's Labyrinth of sickly woven truth
Reliving each assault like your mind needs new proof

The more you fight it the more tangled it becomes
Till your suffocating on memories and feel you are done

If I embrace the past for all that it's worth
Immerse myself and choke on it till the pain gets worse
Give in to it's redundant soul destroying curse

Then I may be able to abandon it and set this sickness free
Far from my mind somewhere safe for it to be
Cause I can't take much more of this
It's only this disease that I see
And I just want to get back to the real me.

The anguish that festers in our minds at night
Takes a hold when our torment takes flight

Why can’t we just let it go
Slice the skin, let the pain flow

All thoughts and reason could be forgotten
As the sickness inside starts to blossom

Mingled and entwined with your soul
It’s how the sick darkness takes control

On a dark tide of false thoughts and dreams
Reality fights while your inner demon screams

Tearing apart the delightful little lie
Piece by piece as you stumble and cry

All your left with is stark reality
A sense of loss in truths brutality

Open your eyes and remove the blinkers
See people for what they truly are
Or the pain and hurt will forever linger.

I've been awake for hours, all my thoughts are *******
Time stood still, broken pieces shatter and i'm torn in two
To myself i'm always so cruel

Cause words mean nothing when such painful emotions rule
Reality is lost, i'm floating lifeless in a disaster zone

A sense of confusion fills me and i feel so alone
At times like these i wish i could call my mind home

But it rages and storms and in darkness roams
Till it's so disjointed it feels like the thoughts don't belong
Nothing makes sense, everything just feels so wrong
I need to switch off, need to stop thinking for a while
It's been so long