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:-(
Mash Oct 2017
:-(
I wish my illness was physical.
Maybe then I'd be more forgiving of myself.
I can't help but think of myself as weak for being brought down to my knees by my own mind.
And it would also mean I wouldn't have to deal with the occasional "Hey,but you look fine" or "just get over it".
Get over it how?
Mash Feb 2017
When we sat on that rooftop,staring at the clouds, talking like we'd known each other for centuries ..
that's when I knew that the rest of my life had just begun.
#newlove #happiness
Mash Jul 2016
Having a friendship with you was emotionally taxing. Some days you were awesome and on most,you were ******.  I'd wake up not knowing which you I'd get that day. You have messed me up more than anyone else,and what made it worse was you never even noticed . You might disagree but,when someone tells you you've hurt them,you dont get to justify it or decide that you didn't.

It was rainbows and butterflies and **** in the beginning but as time went on,it got real. You weren't there when my whole life was falling apart,on days I woke up hoping to die. You were never that friend I could rely on for emotional support..I'm just gonna assume it's because you're such a happy person so you have no patience for such?Don't know but ya.

I told you our friendship was slowly dying but you refused to believe it. While you were busy with your awesome life,I was learning how to not be so reliant on you,how to go back to life without you,how to fall out of love with you  (because i never really got over you) but anyway,I'm over all that. All the effort I put into our friendship, I'm gonna put into myself.

Oh and,nice move not putting up a fight,how easily you let me go shows me how much I meant to you. Anyway ,bye.
Mash Oct 2015
"I've seen people with half your talent succeed. Imagine what you could do" he said. These are words I'll cherish forever.

Having someone who sees the best in you,even when you are at your worst is the most amazing thing ever.
Mash Nov 2015
They're all staring at me,I know it
I can feel their eyes on me
                    Judging.
                     Hating.
                  Condemning.

Everytime a group of friends giggle,I just know it's because they're making fun of me.

I asked my mom why one day & all she could say was "nobody's even paying attention to you kiddo. It's all in your head."

But I don't believe it. So I lock myself up in my room where I will not be stared at,made fun of & judged.
Having social phobia has to be the worst thing for a teen.
Mash Dec 2015
No matter how long it's been,some scars never disappear
They only seem to get worse with each coming day.
Whenever you seem to be making progress,something cuts you even deeper than before..
Leaving you with the same,old,ugly scar.
No matter how hard you try,some experiences you just can't get over.
Mash Nov 2017
I'm sorry I give you so little love that you have to be satisfied with the little scraps people give you.

I'm sorry I beat you up for your imperfections instead of embracing them.

I'm sorry for all the times I've stayed up all night being horrible to you. Calling you stupid,ugly and unworthy.

I'm sorry for all the times I told you you deserve to die and that nobody would even notice if you were to disappear.

I'm sorry I have nothing but these words to offer you.

I pray that you will forgive me someday,Thami.
I've spent my teenage years punishing myself for not being perfect. Being mean to myself. Hating myself. Today,I begin my journey to truly accepting, loving and appreciating myself.
Mash Oct 2017
Just as I had predicted,you finally got tired.
Tired of trying to carry my problems & not being able to.
Tired of constantly having to talk me out of suicide attempts.
Tired of reminding me that it'll all get better.
Tired of trying to convince me to get out of bed,when the last thing I wanted to do was face the world.
I don't blame you though,I'd also walk away from myself if I could. Pity I'm stuck with me for life.
Mash Nov 2017
It's been a month since you left, but it still feels like yesterday to me.

I still remember the exact time it was,

The feeling I got in my chest as I lay there reading your text,

The flood of tears that followed afterwards,

The amount of "you'll be fine"s I whispered to myself that night.

I remember it all.

It's been a month since you left, but it still feels like yesterday to me.
Mash Nov 2015
I think I'm better off admiring things & people from a distance.
I always mess things up when I get too close.
Mash Sep 2016
I never really understood why people go back to the people who've hurt them the most. Well,I'm one of them now.

You made me feel worthless,unattractive, unintelligent, Every single day,yet when you walked back into my life,I stood there and welcomed you with my arms wide open.
I'm taking a chance on us and I do hope it pays off.
Letting someone who's hurt you countless times back into your life again is very risky. But you're worth it.
Mash May 2017
Bright and vibrant friend of mine,I plead for mercy on your behalf.
From the sidelines I watch as within you,a thousand battles are fought and lost,your spirit low,almost broken,but everyday you rise above,you survive. How do you do it?
My heart is heavy,the feeling of helplessness almost consumes me
Because I swear,I want to be more than just a bystander to your pain.
How I wish I was strong enough to be your salvation.
I hate that I am weak,that I have no such power,that I have to stand aside,watch you brave the full current of the wave,and hope to God you don't drown-Bongiwe Ntsuntsha
This is something one of my closest friends ,Bongiwe,wrote when I finally opened up about  my depression.
Mash Jun 2016
My worst fear is that you'll wake up one day & realise that there really isn't much to me.
That I'm not as funny , outgoing or as pretty as the other girls.
That I'm just me.
Mash Feb 2018
We were creating a rose garden
We spent seven months working tirelessly towards it.
Just as the seeds we planted were about to bloom,you decided you didn't like roses anymore.
My love alone wasn't enough to water them.
I write this,sitting in the ruins of what could have been our garden.
All our roses have wilted.
How I would have done anything for 7 more days. Months. Years with you.  To see our garden through. To water & grow it till our hearts didn't beat anymore.
It could've been beautiful.
We could've been beautiful.
Today marks what could have been my ex boyfriend & I's first anniversary. Bummed that this day has come & he's now nothing but a stranger.
Mash Oct 2017
You occupy my thoughts day and night.
All my days are wasted daydreaming about you finally giving me my fairytale ending
& you again,visit me in my dreams. There's no escaping you. It's torturous.
My first heartbreak. How do people do it?move on from the person they thought they'd be with forever?
Mash Nov 2016
Even after you've made it very clear where we stand,I keep hoping you'll come back and tell me you realise what a fool you were to let me go.

I'm still waiting.
Mash Oct 2017
I haven't done half the things I wanted to do with you.
Haven't made half the memories I wanted us to
And now you're gone and it hurts to  know I'll never get to do the simple things like
Lie on the grass & gaze at the stars with you
I wish we had more time.

— The End —