Philomena

Philomena Jan 2019

I can recognize the smell in this room
It's a familiar smell
An old smell
A smell I used to bury my face into
And just close my eyes and drift away
But somethings changed
Its grown distant
And its grown cold
And I think it may have loved me once
But I will never truly know

It's going to be a long night I'm afraid

#love #loss #friendship #smell #pain

Philomena Jan 2019

I'm sorry for my lies

I'm sorry for a lot of things
But i'm mostly sorry for my lies
You know the simple ones
Like saying I'm alright when I just want to die

I'm so sorry
I'm sorry I told you to go away when I needed you most
And I'm sorry I was never much
There and gone just like a ghost

I mean when he was lying it wasn't real great you know, but I wasn't doing much to help.

#lying #lies #pain

Philomena Jan 2019

Right in Front of me

The sky is dark and full of stars
The same stars you love
The same stars we loved

But soon the sun will rise
And darkness will die
And there you will be
Right in front of me

I'm not ready for morning to come. Time to face the facts though.

#loss #love #stars #night #pain #nervous

Philomena Jan 2019

Run

I feel like I've had this conversation before
But here we go again

Run

Run like your life depends on it

Run as though you are outrunning death itself

Because I fear it has only begun
The tragedy of life
This is the play
And we are in act one

Now that I think about it, I've diffidently had this conversation before.

#love #fear #tragedy #warning

Philomena Jan 2019

Reading

I was 10 years old
I was an excellent reader
Ahead of my age
I could read for hours a day
Books each night
I was sitting in class that day
Reading aloud
And noting looked different to me
In my mind every word was right where it should be
And mid-sentence I heard it
The shrill voice yelling to read it how it was written
But I was reading it how I saw it in my own eyes
Only my eyes were wrong
Mixed matched and all around wrong
And as smart as I might have been
I was never the right kind of smart

Teacher was a ***** anyways

#pain #memory #dyslexia #intelligence #smart #books

Philomena Jan 2019

Hope

You are always saying the most romantic things
And I'm always sitting there listening to you
And they sound wonderful they really do
I have just lost faith in all things soft and beautiful

Sometimes your words keep me awake
Leave me thinking of all that is yet to come
And if such fanciful things can really be
You leave me sleepless

And sometimes I dare to dream
I'll think of your words and wonder if my future can be that bright
If love isn't lost
And if the word can be beautiful

You leave me dreaming about everything
Weddings that will never come
Families I will never have
Love that will not last
Yet you give me hope against it all
Because just maybe you're right

Half a decade ago I would have believed you wholeheartedly
Back when I was still a girl
Before reality struck
And my heart died in one of countless suicides

And the world is cold
But you make it sound beautiful
You make me dream of something more
You give me hope

You have no idea what your words do to me.

#friends #hope #love #suicide #dreams

Philomena Dec 2018

20 Days

It has been twenty days since I saw you
That boils down to about...
...480 hours
...28,800 minutes
...1,728,000 seconds
Not to mention a whole lot of missing you

What more can I say

#missing #distance #love #time