Annie McLaughlin

Annie McLaughlin May 2016

13

Mirror cloaked in tears
I scream at my own reflection
Why couldn't you have just killed yourself at 13,
Like you always said you would?
You didn't know rejection.
Eyes glazed over, helpless red
Why did you have to stay on and be strong?
You could have found out if heaven were real
Or maybe you would just be nowhere instead
There, there little broke girl
I know you want to die
If I would have just killed myself at 13 (Like I always said I would)
I wouldn't need to be alive

This is not in promotion of suicide. There are always better options. (just not for me.)

#suicide #broken #depressed #selfharm #13

Annie McLaughlin May 2016

silently breaking

nobody knows how broken I am
nobody sees what's written in my skin
nobody hears when I cry out to the dark
nobody loves me when I feed my flesh to sharks

But my heart is screaming... How can you just pick and choose what you want to hear?

#alone #nobody #pointless #agony #selfdestruction

Annie McLaughlin May 2016

forever last living glimpse of you

Here's a fact.
Here's the truth.
Here's my heart surrendered
At the thought of never knowing you again.
Here's the fact.
Here's a truth.
Here are my arms abandoned
With the feel of never touching you again.
Hear this fact.
Hear my truth.
Absorb my bleeding tongue
As it has let these gory words flow through.
Hear my heart.
Hear my cry
As I recognize my last,
My forever last living glimpse of you.

coming to know reality

#truth #death #reality #forever #fact #noheaven

Annie McLaughlin Apr 2016

Focus

Focus
this moment won't last forever
Focus
take it in, not only the better
Focus
on our heavy breaths synchronizing
on the way that our bodies mold perfectly together
Focus
on his eyes, his chest, his lips on my collarbone
Focus
on the tree outside the window
that has been an umbrella to our love
Focus
on the bandaids on my arm
blocking the gory scars from a quick relapse
Focus
on the pleasure
that only he could cause
Focus
this moment won't last forever.

#*** #moment #pleasure #focus

Annie McLaughlin Apr 2016

boy and me

There's this boy and me
there's this boy I love
This boy and me
grew up not far from each other
but never yet crossed paths
until we were ready, this boy and me
see, this boy and me
we went through similar things
this boy had his bullies
And me, I was my own
There's this boy
who I think I'm going to marry
Yeah, me, the girl that
didn't think she would live past thirteen
there's this boy who makes everything okay
And me who finally sees happiness
asleep or wide awake
there's this boy and me
you may not know, but you're going to see
strolling hand in hand
Thirty years from now still.

feeling in love and okay.

#past #boy #forever #marry

Annie McLaughlin Apr 2016

uncomprehensible self-hate

I hate my body. Okay, I said it. I look in my mirror and think how did this happen and why. I contemplate bad things. I do the bad things. The bad things don't work like I wanted them to. My body is still a bad thing. I am so ashamed. I can't even let my love look at me. I hate my body and what it has become. Now I try to do good things. If good things don't work, I do bad things to make the good things work now. Will my body ever be a good thing? I think walking in the door and staring at your reflection and breaking out in tears when you realize how you looked the whole day is enough to make one want to rid these bad things. But isn't the irony so that to rid the bad things one must do more? Bang. Slash. Swallow. Beep. This is me leaving. This is me leaving my hated body behind. This is me doing bad things to my bad body.

. . . When has it become so bad?

#body #selfhate #badthings

Annie McLaughlin Apr 2016

feel things

when did I become
Everything I'm running from?

#hate #running