Sometimes I think it has gone away
Those are the times that I’m mistaken.

The hurt, it always comes back.
Reminding me that I’ll never get better.

I've always felt lonely
but never like this
I just want a hug
a crushing, meaningful, never ending hug
and someone to whisper in my ear
"I get it. You're not alone."
I'm so starved
Of touch
I just want a hug
and a whisper
that I'm loved

deleting poems 6.29.25 (6:32 pm / 18:32)
there were happy poems i wrote
apparently three thousand happy words
that i deleted

i couldn't look at them anymore

Notice me
Acknowledge my existence
Talk to me
Please

Your soft black hair
Your beautiful brown eyes
Your bold and loyal smile
Your gentle and loving words

I know
I never deserve to be with you
Never deserve to talk to you
Never deserve to be in your life

Yet,
You’ve got me around your fingers
You’ve got my heart tangled in your words
You’ve got my mind hypnotise by your smile

So many ‘i want you’s i want to say
So many ‘i need you’s i want to say
So many ‘i love you’s i want to say

Yet,
I stumble when i see you
I crumble when i talk to you
I mumble when i admire you

I want you
I need you
I crave you
I love you

I thought I'd never do it
That I was the only one in the universe like me
By I think I've finally found my tribe
And I think I've finally found my reason to keep going

"Why are you looking at me like that?"
He asks
It's because I want to hug him and tell him he's so so lovable
And that he is a boy
But I can't

"I'm happy you're writing again, but I'm sad for you"
I say
I want to cry for him
Take all the hurt
And I know that's crazy
Either way I can't
And I won't

The bad side of caring so much I suppose

I wish I lacked empathy.
I don’t want to feel.
I don’t want to see signs.
I don’t want to be real.

One minute, I’m fine—
then my soul explodes in my chest.
I wish I didn’t see that.
But I did. And now, no rest.

I wish I could shrug,
say “that’s not my concern,”
but every flicker of pain
Causes my stomach to hurt.

I notice the silence,
the shift in your tone—
there's nothing in your voice
It's all I think about alone.

This is why I'm standoffish and stick to just me
There's no ache in loneliness
At least not the kind that stings

Maybe I'll make friends but that feels like betrayal
These self imposed rules- a safe fortress failure

I wish I didn’t feel
At least not to this extent
My day was going so good
But I ruined it again

A mother cat and her babies, maybe five, maybe four                           Together all cuddling in a box on the floor                                                            ­                                                           She is so attentive, as they meow loudly,                                                          ­                                                   She gets them motivated, corrals them proudly                                                          ­                                                     A collection of soft and colorful fur                                                              ­    up safe in their loft, they snuggle and purr                                                 She eyes me watching, while cleaning them gently                                   none of them matching other than their innocent beauty