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 Feb 2018 empty seas
Sam
Happy days
 Feb 2018 empty seas
Sam
I can't lie to you
I'm not happy
I haven't felt happiness
In a very long time

So when I get sick
I tend to overreact
Because it makes my
Depression enhance itself

Isn't it ironic
That the word "influenza"
Is funny yet scary
At the same time?

Isn't it funny to think
That we're all dying
But sickness makes us
Die faster?
Ummm yeah I'm really sick rn and that doesn't help depression soooo ye.
 Feb 2018 empty seas
Rubii ü
SHE
 Feb 2018 empty seas
Rubii ü
SHE
She's lonely, but she seems happy
She's tired, but she moves forward
She's down, but she doesn't drown
She's hopeless, but she's not careless

They say she's pretty,
but she feels ugly
They say she's smart,
but she feels dumb
They say she's talented,
but she feels incompetent
They say she's strong,
but she feels weak

She has no one, but she ain't gone
And that she,


**Is me.
 Feb 2018 empty seas
mumu
804-HOPE
 Feb 2018 empty seas
mumu
I have a million words to say
How I'm hollow today.
Yet, no one can hear me.

But,

If I drown myself into water
To washed away this aches forever,
Will you see my worth?

If tonight, I drank this seven pills
To stop this heart that kills,
Will see my pain?

If I hang myself in the ceiling
To end this empty feeling
Will you wish to fixed me?

Because,

I tried to be a conqueror.
I tried to be a survivor.
But, no one is here to be my listener.
To my fellow Filipino, if you are having a hard time right now and thinking to end things, stop. Please. 804-4673, the HOPE hotline is here for you. Ready to listen, ready to help you.
Remember, you are not alone.
 Feb 2018 empty seas
She Writes
Why do we search
For comfort and healing
In the hands of those
That broke us in the first place?
 Feb 2018 empty seas
Madalyn
You stir through the room,
as if breathing was subconscious.
Your breath never wavers.

I'm acquainted with my breathing,
It's almost never instinctive.
It flickers.

Realistically,
we breathe the same air,
But yours is nimble.
And mine is undexterous.

My air is stagnant,
Breaths are fatiguing.
Lackluster.

You seem to rest on water,
Your movments are graceful.
Ethereal.

I struggle to breathe,
but our realities are different.
You'd never notice,
That I'm drowning.
i told my therapist about you,
while your lips were still slathered alllll over my body.
i showed her the places we had been,
and all the things we had seen.
i told her what lies underneath that pretty
                                              pretty
skin of yours,
and i told her how i knew.
i spelt out your name as she scribbled it on her cute little clipboard,
i told her about the   first     night
and the      second
and the   fourth
and that time in the closet.
i told her everything,
i really just wanted to   get
                                                  you
                                      out  
of my brain,
it didn't matter if saying these things put me in  sososo  much pain.
because you've  moved   on  so why can't i?
i told my therapist about you,
but i still can't tell you
                                           goodbye.  
i know i'm  s t u p i d,
for holding on this l
                               o
                                n
                             ­    g,
i know it's useless,
for wishing you weren't                              gone.
but my words carry on like a heartbeat
s     l      o      w
steady
                          fast
u   s   e   d
  n    t   a   y
i   keep   keep   keep  breaking and breaking and breaking and
i told my therapist about you.
i think part of the reason why we hold onto something so tight is because we fear something that great will never ever happen twice

****
i was in so much pain when i wrote this, my lover had just left with two years of my life and i felt so so so alone. i chewed through therapists constantly, they left me behind because i was too broken to fix. i hated them all. but there was this one, this one singular human being that listened to me. she didn't flinch, she didn't look at me like i was a broken puppy left for death. she just listened. i was all over the place, but i managed to lay out my entire mind for her to dissect. and she did. she helped me so so much, and i could never repay her enough for how she has helped me. when i got home, i wrote the basics of this. it was like 12:30 when i wrote it and i couldn't sleep the next night so i decided to make this look exactly how i felt when i wrote it the night before. how my lover made me feel for so long. so i did. i was crying mountains, i was hyperventilating, i threw my phone through the wall. i put all my anger, blood, tears in each letter, each space. i put it all in there and then posted it a couple weeks later. i didn't show anyone. i just put it out there, hoping my lover would see it. but it didn't even matter cause when i woke up, the whole world saw it instead. thank you. i love you all.
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