I'm in a trance..

My knees are shaking
My throat choking on words
My face beaded with sweat
My mind in a chaotic state

Here I am..

Wearing this heart of mine
On a sleeve of uncertainty
The words trying to come out
From this stomach filled with butterflies

How do I say this?

Ever since that day we met
You already caught my attention
My eyes we're looking towards you
With every little thing you do

Everyday you sparkled..

Like stars in a dark night sky
Every little thing about you
Set sparks in my ******, depressing life
Little cinders slowly burning my anxieties away

Until I was set ablaze..

Consuming every bit of me
Occupying my every thought
And before I was aware of it
You pulled my heart towards you

It consumes me..

This insanity I call ''you''
It makes me writhe in pain
But also eases my sorrows
Burning me to my core

I'm going crazy..

I never even planned this
To fall in love with my best friend
But the more time we spent together
Made me realize that I always wanted you

It's not an easy thing..

To tell you that you consume me
And that I want you to be mine
And I, to be yours only
To be more than what we have now

I want to take you..

And lead you towards an uncertainty
That may completely destroy what this is
But the only thing I know for certain is
That these feelings are real and overflowing

So..

Here I am terrified
Giving my heart to you
Whether you break it or throw it away
Know that from this day on
I declare to the world
That I want to us to be more
Than what we are now
And that this heart that I give
Will always belong to you

Writing this piece not with my mind but my heart,
Not with my thoughts, but with my feelings
It's not easy to say
but I wanna say it anyway

I love you.

If you only knew
How much I've been keeping it in
Maybe you could cut me some slack
And leave me to my thoughts

If you only knew
The feelings in my wavering heart
That no matter how much I resist
They're eating me away slowly

If you only knew
How much I want to apologize
For keeping myself at bay and distant
Because I might never want to let go

If you only knew
Why I'm doing things to hurt you
Acting indifferent despite being close
Resisting feelings that I shouldn't feel

If you only knew
How much I'm falling in love
With everything and all about you
Wanting to break the status quo

If you ever find out
That I've been hiding these feelings
To keep this bond between us
Would you rather stay?

If only you would stay
I really hope you won't leave
But if you really do
This may be the last time
That I admit to you
That after all this time
And after all this pain
After all that ignorance
And all that silence
All the wrongdoings
And all the mistreatment
I love you
And pushing you away
Asking God to take away these feelings
Away from my fragile heart
To save what we have
So that I could keep you still
Even when we're far apart

Emptiness
This heart is a mess
Broken to the core
In search of something more

Useless
My life in a mess
Without meaning nor purpose
No direction nor course

Senseless
My path is aimless
Stuck in uneasy fears
My plea no one hears


This soul is tired
These hands reaching out
Trying to save itself
While slowly succumbing to surrender
This drought in my life
Consumes me every day
******* me of all confidence
Feeding my personal demons
Day and night
Rescue me please
From this faithless walk
Show me a path
That leads to a purpose

Do I have to sell myself
Just to get out of this hell?
It's a suffocating existence
It's an endless self-pity
******* me dry of all life
Leaving me restless
At least save my soul
From all this mess
Before I completely surrender
To this drought in my life

To that sweetest belle
That touched my life
It's been one year since then
When you walked in my life
As graceful as a summer sun
And showed me a way
And a new place
To spread my wings
Where I can express
The truest me
And where I can truly be
Free

Thank you..

Dormant feelings waking up
Awkward emotions dripping like sweat
I can't seem to erase this smile on my face
Just because I'm seeing you again today

Its been a long distance friendship
And a long time since I last saw you
I don't know if this is simply my excitement
Or some new emotions I'm feeling for the first time

You were closer to me when we were far apart
But now it seems I can't reach you even when you're near
I don't know if this is the right thing to do
But I know its the right thing to feel

God, if these feelings aren't from You
Please take them away from my heart
Do I save the long time friendship?
Or act upon these untested and unsure feelings?

Because now that you're near
I realized how much you mean to me
But as soon as you go and leave again
This heart might feel broken again

I simply pray, dear God
That if she's the one for me
Somewhere along our winding paths
The roads we take will merge
And she'll pull my hand
To lead me to the happiness
You wanted me to have

It's slowly dwindling away
Crumbling into pieces
That can never be repaired
Breaking down to the point
Of no return

I'm loosing it
The ability to feel
To give in to my emotions
Its as if my sanity
Slowly sinks into oblivion

I used to have them
Feelings of joy
Of sadness and pain
Of anger and lust
Or even love

But as the days pass by
And age catches up
My heart begins to harden
To feel as cold as ice
Like I'm barely even alive

I was once a young boy
With eyes full of dreams
And a heart full of courage
An unwaivering mindset
To take the world head on

But Reality was cruel
I kept searching for happiness
But all it gave was pain
And as I succumbed to endless pain
I started to not care at all

Years passed by and yet
I still struggle in the pain
I still endure the bitterness
Stuck on my mouth
As if it were candies

Soon after I'm left here
Wanting to feel again
Wanting my chest to swell
With anger or excitement
I don't even care which

I just want to start feeling again
For time to move from hereon
To exist again in this timeline
To love and lose once more
To experience emotions like so

They still evade me though
The feelings that once coloured
The corners of my heart
And graced the different periods
Of my rollercoaster life

Someday I may lose it all
The emotions that once
Made me feel alive
I'm a dead man walking right now
Just waiting for the final execution

I hope someone intervenes
I hope that phone call comes
The call thats saves me from
This endless pit I don't want to go to
An emotionless and dull damnation

Because I don't wanna lose it all
I just want to feel that I exist
And that I am worth something
That I am worth saving
And I deserve to be alive even as the mess I truly am

I simply want to feel again..

Time stopped frozen
Pain heavy in my chest
My heart in a sudden shock
My eyes holding back the tears

You said its over briefly
I'm left here thinking why
You left without a trace
While here I am trying to get by

Sitting in a bar every night
Drinking alcohol 'til come daylight
Sleeping alone in different motels
Since the bed you left at home feels cold

I can't eat nor sleep
Feeling limp and lifeless all over
My heart you took away
My soul wandering to where you might be

God, it hurts so much
Since she left me here standing
In a road leading to nowhere
My life in a permanent standstill

I don't want anything else
I just beg for your return
But even if I scream all my pleas
Would you even listen to me?

You were my morning sunshine
You are my evening storms
You are my sweetest tragedy
Your departure my biggest enigma

The hole you punctured in my heart
Grows emptier as the days go by
Tears falling down each passing midnight
Praying to see your face just one last time

I hope I could just do it over
Fall in love with you all over again
Making the right choices this time
Could you have stayed in my life?

God, I beg for your return
Welcoming me with arms wide open
Greeting me with passionate kisses
An embrace with no intention of letting go

I'd do anything just to have you back
Just to relive the days we were in love
When you were all I need in my life
Looking forward to seeing you smile

This love of ours was worth a lifetime
Yet that lifetime was snuffed out in a instant
I don't think I'll get over you, now or ever
Here I am waiting for my clock to start ticking again