Everytime...
Every ******* time...
Everytime I look at myself, I don't see a young boy, I see a bag of sadness and misery, tied together by depression and ugliness.

All around me, I see people who look at themselves without making disgusted faces, or people who have others to tell nice things about them to make them smile...

Not me...
I'm all alone, I have to carry this baggage by myself...all by myself.

Summer should be the season in which people are happy, but for me, it's winter all year every year

No rhythm, no structure, no order.
Just like your life
that you hold onto so much
without cause or reason to.
**** yourself sweetheart,
or somebody that matters to the world.
That doesn't need another self-depressed loner
with a pocket full of
quivering
self indulgent
lines of just ******* life from the world
so frail and done.
Doesn't deserve.
tired.
wants it to end.
At least pretend,
please,
Not this.
Not the suffering of a thousand past lives
regressing and regressing
into the insurmountable stormy oceans
or heartache and regret
and times you kept
telling yourself to hang in there.
Just hang in there a little longer.

Conclude a  predictably worthless life
and just don't look at me while you do it.
Turn the lights off.
I don't want to see you.

Stop trying to be everything you think the world wants
and just be.
And don't bluff.
Don't bluff for once in your life and just do.
Do what you know you must.
The path is clear now.
You don't need hope,
faith
or trust.
Just let go
and forget everything you know.

This world
takes you
and holds you
and shows you all that you could have.
Then it forsakes you
and throws you,
cruely,
into the bone crushing groundswell,
the fountains,
the wells,
and tells you to sink or swim.
Do or die.
Survival of fittest.
and you curse the sky.

I appreciate your silence,
I'm serious,
just a bit delirious;
due to drinking some special tea:
which I took, regretfully.
But soon I'll be normal again,
and back to me.

After days of hatred,
and days of sorrow
The book is closed,
no more time is borrowed

They didn't see it coming,
For they never do
This is the end,
I'm drowning in the water,
Doing flips and backbends,
No I'm not trying to get to surface
I choose not
I rather be left on the seafloor,
chained and locked

darling don't cry
wipe those tears
in your eye
those words they told you
are all nothing but lies

don't let them see
your fragile state
go out
and explore this beautiful world

there's a lot of things to do
aside from locking yourself
inside that dark room
and wasting your time crying
please just smile
it's more pleasing to see

If you spit blood
while brushing your teeth:
it could be a sign
of gum disease.

And if you feel
pain and distress
it might be a sign
that you're depressed.

And if you are
anything like me,
it could be a sign.
It might just be.

If you ache
and you don't know why,
it could be sign
that you need to cry.

And if you cry
and there's no relief,
it could be a sign,
that like a thief
life has taken its toll
and its becoming too much;
and now you've grown
cold to touch.

If this sounds
anything like you
it's probably a sign,
that there are two.
That together we fall.
and that what you're going through,
is nothing new;
so hold onto something,
anything,
and I will, too.