it's my birthday.
i cried last night of the thought that i really made it another year.
the rain seemed to push me down so hard and i can't believe i'm still here.
walking with my friend yesterday,
i looked at her,
just by looking at her,
i knew that i should be here.
in that moment,
i knew i wanted to stay.
it's birthday and i'm --,
another year of breathing,
another year of crying,
another year of smiling,
another year of feeling like i was nothing,
another year of loving,
another year of me.
i don't know how to feel this year about myself yet
but
i'm here and that's all that matters.
more than any other month, last month i came close so many times to just ending it all. those times were the first times in years where i had everything planned out for my departure and was ready to end it all.
but i'm here. i don't really know what that says about me or what or how i'm doing. but i'm here.
happy birthday to me