This is a daily reminder
That he doesn't love you
Like he used too,
And he can fall asleep
Under the shining stars
Without once imagining your smile,
And he can drive around
At 4am
And you wouldn't even come to mind,
And he can lay in the bed
You used to lay in
And forget all about your shape,
And he can dream of things
That actually matter
Rather than your stupid apologies
And I miss you's.
This is a daily reminder
That he doesn't love you anymore
And he never will.

I keep rewriting this because I know it's the first time I'll write about you in weeks, and I don't think it matters how many letters I put together to spell out words that remind me of you because none of them will do you justice. You're too good for this. I want to become a better writer just so I can properly explain the color of your eyes because I want for whoever is reading this to know just how beautiful you are. I don't want to write something that isn't as good as you are. I know you probably don't think of me anymore but I sure as hell think of you and I am done apologizing for it. I'm not angry anymore but I still wish you'd come back to me. I know that one day you will or maybe I am just holding on to something that isn't really there. I'm tired of hearing your name and getting chills down my spine, tired of seeing something that reminds me of you and feeling my knees buckle beneath me. I don't want to remember you but I am scared of forgetting you.

I like you.
Or at least I like who I am when I'm with you.
When I look into your eyes,
I'm on a different planet.
I've always liked you...
Even before everyone else did.
I still do...
And I don't know if its worse if you know,
Or worse if you don't.

What is the hardest part
                    Of being alone?
It's the quietness,
A stillness making
What ought have been a home-
a house.
It's filled with beds,
But those lover's nests
Are             Empty.
And the thought is
As occupying as a dream.
A dream you cannot feel
Because the loneliness is keeping you awake

With no one to hold down your fears
         And keep you safe.

Do I look pretty? Cause I haven't been eating.
Let me back up, because I swear it wasn't intentional
it's just that it makes me angry
that I have to
and it makes me angry that you care
and it makes me angry that it makes me angry
because its all I ever wanted anyone to do.

I'm angry at school, and my friends, and my dad, sure.
but the worst of all is that I'm angry at myself

this one song plays in my head
but it's just one line repeating
again and
again
*I'll be hanging from a rope, and I will haunt you like a ghost