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Karmen Jul 2018
call me a fool cause i played it cool
to your ways one would consider cruel
assuming i had no clue you were using me like a tool
newsflash my dude, i knew of my use
wasnt hard to tell i meant nothing to you
nothing to the man you wished to become, seeking a light of success
in eyes of the chick that birthed your first heart

i played it cool, perceiving myself to be a fool
acting like i had no, choosing to be your tool
well aware i was diving deep
into a hole that would forever sink
darkness that only grew more in depth

you warned me many time
but your soul showed there was more sincere way inside
so i remained , allowing you to take lead
knowing my place, giving you space
allowing my trust to be placed
hopes in rebuilding the self-confidence you highly lacked

all to a tough past
you felt had some shame
having troubles to embrace
it helped you become the man you are today
something great
you stay fighting to succeed in eyes of your
lover
mother
daughter
brother
father
sister
you played a person you were not
whenever there was an awaken depth within our encounter
forcing yourself to be cruel
i continued to be cool
be perceived as a fool
for our souls intertwined, wanted all to remain cool
for i did not fight, or take flight
seeking revenge wasn't an option
i chose to dive into the everlasting depth of a hole
allowing you so much control
losing my own ways to life
forgetting my own reasons to live
like a fool you became too cruel
not pacing your use of using me as a tool
making things so uncool
you had too much authority and used it all so soon
awakened my eyes
allowing me some sight
see where i could escape free
from the leash
had worked it to such short length
there be no fight
in releasing me
to become better then i once was
i soar far away
keeping you in my heart
but never allowing
capture to be an option
swuuuooooaaa-
journal, book to be
Karmen Jul 2018
It's really fucken bummy
beautiful writing developing in mind
feeling sparks in heart
knowing people will relate
expressing yourself, speaking in general
or so you'd hope

once your hands taken off
your pen becomes lost
scribbling its own thoughts
nothing like you even thought
ending up a writing , that was meant for anybody
to a writing involving our times together
feelings and memories i thought had passed

lighted eyes, sparked mind
feelin hurt to discover im not really over
thanks to my hand taking over
telling what my heart is still mourning over
thought i lost this heart ,
but my hand reveals its still in place
writings always becoming you
****, im such a fool
journal entry to many . soon to be book .
Karmen Mar 2018
It is in fact unfortunate that I do not write as much I did in the past
The past being two years ago when I first came in touch with the bigger part of me and the person I am meant to be and am becoming
But it’s not because I don’t want to
But I do write , I write within my head and being that the time I come up with my best pieces of writings are always unfolded inside the deep depths of my head when I’m occupied physically with other things, a variety of things that I can not stop what I am physically doing to pick up a pen and write
Nor am I able to pick up my phone to type I wish there was a device that could just interrupt what’s in my head being said and sometimes spoken out loud to myself , so that I may reflect it or piece it all.  together and then share it for everyone to hear
The **** I do write or say ; the unfolding of my head is soooo deep and such another person of Carmen that I do not allow to be expressed or viewed so easily if any at all. It’s a shame it’s not easier to express .
But given when I have the real time , believe it that I will one day find the time to type, speak , write all of my deeper depths of self wisdom for others to help them no, correction to assist in guiding them in finding them self but on their own trusty without someone else to thank cause all in all it would have and will have been them that made it happen and that’s what beauty.
For now it is a shame that I can not allow this to happen soon but it is meant to be that way for a bigger beauty and that day I look forward to .
Karmen Feb 2018
Yo
I think life’s pretty fucken neat
I wish you could think the same,
See the reason I don’t believe in a thing as hate
Life is faint but it ain’t
Faint is life but it ain’t
(((Repeat
Betweeens (((-except when it is is & when it ain’t it just ain’t
You know what I’m sayin’n
Or shall I try to explain it a bit more
Some more words;personal experiences to which relate in at a variety of ways expressing it to each in your own unique way for the other own mind which doesn’t perceive things the same , hardly close to even just alike
I hope you feel me and the words I’m tryna say with the words I’m speaking in paused uttering words
We all have one way to millions of ways
And millions way to just one way
Why hate but not appreciate
Appreciate but not hate
It ain’t so complicate except when it is
Just fall in love with that
Express it your unique way
Try to relate and express the reason it is
Expressing the way you see it, tryna explain and find a means to the others knowledge understanding, expressing what how it seem
Haha
Wait, tf I say right there
Tf do I even mean
I’m not even sure it makes sense
To others or even just myself
I don’t even really care anymore
Bout what I was tryna say or tryna remember what it I was I was tryna make relate
It’ll come together later
Or maybe it ain’t till 68years later , in outerpace, between the lines of two lines of five
Lol jk but you see what I mean
Later
Lots of  things to many things, yes it’s a continuous gather and retrieve  help achieve  better although exhausting in real time the appreciation could be felt at all in all while. While not at all ya know lol **** I can’t get it out right yet but yeah
  Jan 2018 Karmen
Rubii ü
SHE
She's lonely, but she seems happy
She's tired, but she moves forward
She's down, but she doesn't drown
She's hopeless, but she's not careless

They say she's pretty,
but she feels ugly
They say she's smart,
but she feels dumb
They say she's talented,
but she feels incompetent
They say she's strong,
but she feels weak

She has no one, but she ain't gone
And that she,


**Is me.
  Jan 2018 Karmen
Samm Marie
It will be far more powerful
To look someone alive in the eye
Rather than dead
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