I started to feel in colors
The day I got rid of my feelings
Tucked them under my eyelids
And brushed tears away like
I was making wishes on silly
Stray eyelashes

Pink is such a distressing color
Bright light pink
Or the yellow of caution tape hue
Becoming as bright at the sun
All screaming
They can’t hear you
And when they do
They don’t like you

Why do you treat me so
why do i let you?

You stole me then added me on, to become a part of you.
but honey
I am the house extension that shouldn't have been invested in
I am the shell to your hermit crab always
disposable as the plastic rain found in the landfills of our futures.
A wasteland of mass proportions
to which you will find treasures or trash
depending on the man you are
And you will certainly only find trash.
And oh honey baby, my dear, I am only but a treasure.

It sticks to the back of my throat
like peanut butter
It sits back there like a frog
and I croak croak croak,
but it never escapes my quivering lips
It never leaves me
It never makes itself known
But it hopes like every little insecurity I've ever owned
that you will see it one day
accept it one day
read bedtime stories to it
feed it food from your dinner table
cloth it as it wants to be clothed
support it like you are the keystone
to my door
to the world, I deserve to belong in
yet I still only manage to look at it
from the blurry red plexiglass windows

I hear voices from beyond it
Be brave.
Be brave.
It gets better
little one.

But when I look out that window
I hear the depressions and suppressions of a people
gunshots and violence
and somewhere off in the distance
I hear the singing laughter and joy

Be brave
Be brave
little one

but they are as far as my voice is trapped and away from me
and as tangible as the frog in my throat
Stuck in Pandora's box
with a million others just like me.

I see signs of high rock
and yet I still climb
in a blind fear
mislabelled Bravery

The current is fast underway
faster than the rabbit beating its warning in my chest
I know the jump
I know the jump like I know myself
but
Still, I am unable to take the chance

that the trees aren't laughing but cheering
that you won't get in the way when I take the plunge

Sometimes I wonder how I didn’t notice
Being left outside in the cold darkness
But I think it was the softness of you playing that led me here.
With a perfect view window
Of you and your new toy
I wonder how long it will be
Till my paint wears thin
And sheds
And if you will find me, or only remember me from that time long ago

See I tricked myself into thinking you loved me
When really you just liked the feeling of my love

And now I hope your new toy never needs you in the way I do

And now I hope your new toy never feels sad and lonely

And now I hope your new toy never has to share that with you

Because I hope that you two are always happy. Cause that’s the feeling you are addicting and addicted too

And yet still I hope
one day you’ll find the space
Where I use to occupy
And wonder just as I use to

Why does it feel so empty here?
Cold and isolating
Wet with salt made rivers and dead trees
What happened and when did it happen here?

Cause I still love you but not as much as I feel like a dumb **** waiting for you... waiting for you  to realize this is the thing that you do when someone gets too sad
to give you that happy feeling you and I are addicted to.