ink stained fingers clasp a cigarette
you bring it to your lips
inhale as though it will give you some relief from your problems

you wear shades at night
hiding behind mirrored lenses
like you know someone is watching

I look away, trying not to be that someone
but my gaze finds it way back to you
Always back to you

and maybe I'm hoping that one day
I'll find you, shades off
looking back at me too

The last night i spent with you
I think we stood in the shower
for over an hour.
Now that you're gone
I stand in the shower and try
to trace your fingertips
on my skin for hours.
And my chest feels like
it's going to cave in
when I think about how
I don't know what length
your hair is anymore.
I start to wonder if i will ever
forget your birthday
just like I'm slowly forgetting
the color of your eyes
and the sound of your voice.

Graciously welcomes 8 hours
of silent darkness,
greeted by my bedroom wall.
i have embraced it as a close friend
in these hard times.

how can such a beautiful person
                                               torment themselves so much?
how can love pour out for others
                                               and hate be given to yourself?