Joliver

Joliver Nov 2018

You'll text me, right?
Please say there won't be a day you won't respond
You'll text me, right?
You don't know how important you are
To me and my life
You'll text me, right?
I just want you to be alright
You'll text me, right?
You know I'm always here if you need me
You'll text me, right?
I'd do anything you could ask of me
You'll text me, right?
I love our late night, early morning talks
You'll text me, right?
You don't have to hide from me
Not from me
Never from me
You'll text me, right?
Right?

#love #worry #friend

Joliver Nov 2018

Sleep Is For The Strong

They say sleep is for the weak
But that couldn't be farther from the truth

Sleep is for the strong
Because I am weak
And sleepless nights are all I know

Sleep is for the strong
Because they brave their dreams
As they delve into their minds each night

Sleep is for the strong
As they rise the next day
To take on the world yet again

Sleep is for the strong
And what I wouldn't give
To be strong for just one night

#sleep #insomnia #anxiety #depression #strong #weak

Joliver Sep 2018

I'm Okay

The world is burning
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

My hands won't stop shaking
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I feel so isolated
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I'm full of regret
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I can't sleep
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I can't drag myself out of bed
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I'm having trouble breathing
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I feel so gross
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I don't take care of myself
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

I don't see the point
But I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay

-

Tomorrow will be better
And I'll be okay
I'll be okay
I'll be okay

"Good, how are you?"

#anxiety #depression #acceptance #panic #repetition #okay

Joliver Sep 2018

Aspen Grove

When I die
I hope I'll begin to spread roots
As my soul
Is absorbed by the earth
And as I spread
Parts of me will
Begin to reach ever upward
As I begin to form
My canvas of emerald and gold
Everlasting
And forever growing
-
I will not be worried by strife, and
Fire will only serve for
New possibilities
As well as
The potential for growth.
I will become a sight
For others to behold
And feel at peace
Whenever they venture
Through my dappled sunlight
-
When I die
I hope to become more
Than just cold

I love the idea of being buried with a tree seed, and aspens are my favorite type of tree, thus the inspiration for this piece. I would love to be one. Fun fact: aspen groves are not singular trees, but rather one large, interconnected organism

#life #death #aspen #trees

Joliver Aug 2018

Quiet Day

Today was a quiet day
The first in awhile
I slept a long, dreamless
Shapeless sleep
And was not roused by panic
Nor need
Hardly a word was spoken
Or a face recognized
And I felt profoundly alone
As I retreated into
My beloved solitude
-
Goodnight, my dear quiet day
May we meet again
In some extraordinary way

#introvert #quiet #day #anxiety

Joliver Aug 2018

Deep Sleeper

When I was young
I found amusement
In my ability to sleep through storms
And other calamitous events
It seemed so silly to me
That something so obvious
Could go by unnoticed
But as I've gotten older
The nights have gotten subtler
The nightmares have
Become vivid reflections
A gruesome parody of life
I startle awake most nights and
I don't sleep so well anymore
-
I wonder when I stopped being
A deep sleeper
And began fearing
Waking up a second too late

#sleep #nightmares #tired #anxiety

Joliver Aug 2018

Okay

If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?

#love #heartbreak #hate #okay #hurt