I fear doing something wrong
Speaking the wrong way
Dressing the wrong way
Acting the wrong way

My lungs fill with rocks
Heat runs through my body
My heart beats too fast
My limbs shake

I fear being in trouble
Talking when I shouldn’t
Doing things when I shouldn’t
Speaking when I shouldn’t

My lungs fill with rocks
Heat runs through my body
My heart beats too fast
My limbs shake

I fear being wrong
Answering incorrectly
Acting incorrectly
Doing incorrectly

My lungs fill with rocks
Heat runs through my body
My heart beats too fast
My limbs shake

I fear judgement
Speaking oddly
Dressing oddly
Acting oddly

My lungs fill with rocks
Heat runs through my body
My heart beats too fast
My limbs shake

I fear commitment
Loving someone forever
Working a job forever
Taking care of a child forever

My lungs fill with rocks
Heat runs through my body
My heart beats too fast
My limbs shake

I fear independance
Feeding myself alone
Doing my taxes alone
Living completely alone

My lungs fill with rocks
Heat runs through my body
My heart beats too fast
My limbs shake

I fear ignorance
Coming off as stupid
Acting like I’m stupid
Speaking like I’m stupid

My lungs fill with rocks
Heat runs through my body
My heart beats too fast
My limbs shake

I fear other people
Their anger towards me
Their judgement towards me
Their love for me


My lungs fill with rocks
Heat runs through my body
My heart beats too fast
My limbs shake

I question the reliability of forever
When someone says
“I’ll love you forever”
Then stops loving you
Your faith in love begins to wane
If your heart is broken enough times
You don’t have enough of it
To believe in forever

The pain ripped through my body
Tearing apart my muscles

Electricity shot through my arms
Sending sparks down my veins

My heart pounded against its cage
Each thump threatening to break free

My stomach boiled in its own acid
Sizzling as the bile rose in my throat

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks
Searing my skin as they trailed

One word drummed through my mind
Never
Each time it hammered my skull shook
        Never
The hopeless finality of Never

It screamed in a skull splitting screech
        Never
would I be happy
        Never
would I be myself
        Never
would I be free.

Is my heart mistaken?
They tell me it isn’t right

How will I get into heaven?
Without losing a part of me
I won’t get into heaven

Maybe I don’t want heaven

Is anybody out there?
I'm screaming but no one seems to hear

When words are spoken into darkness do they lose their power?