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  Nov 2017 Jaz
Gem
I've let my body get so used I don't even want to touch myself anymore
My skin is not mine it is for anyone who wants it
My thighs are not the miraculous limbs that I owe my many great travels to, they are only miles of skin that begs to be touched.
My hair is not silk to cascade over my ears and frame my face, it's purpose is to be wrapped around your fingers and yanked.
Every ripple of pleasure
is a disguise for my disgust, the worthless feeling of being nothing more than a pretty new toy.
You do not worship me but you worship my ability to rip an ****** from your body.
You leave me used and abused in more ways than one
and just like a pretty new toy,
after you play with me
I become as worthless to you
as I have become to myself.
Jaz Nov 2017
Thank you for teaching me
That sometimes
All I have to give
Will not be enough

Thank you for being
So selfish
And showing me
Some people
Only know how to drain
Not heal

Thank you for proving
That some people
Are not as good
As I want them to be

Thank you for the reminder
That not everyone
Has the same heart as me
Jaz Nov 2017
I tried to make him matter
I searched the whole world
Looking for the words
I spread myself so thin
Trying to turn him into art

He is not a hurricane
Hurricane's have more power than he will ever have again
He is not the sun
He can neither warm my skin, nor light my dark
And he is most definitely not a God
as he liked to believe himself to be

So what is he then
If not all those things I was lead to believe
Is it true
Could it be
Is he only human
Jaz Nov 2017
When I was younger
The red and blue lights
Would remind me I'm safe

The same red and blue lights
Have turned me into a shadow
I no longer have the strength
No longer have the will to go on

Red and blue
Was the colour of the sky
The night they took away my best friend
Red and blue
Once more lit up the night
When they came to take away my second chance

They were meant to be a saving grace
A symbol for life and protection
But what's the point

They no longer protect me from the real threat
The real offenders that walk the street
The red and blue
The sirens
All they do is take from me what I love
Jaz Nov 2017
There are some things
I'll never understand
How the seasons change
Why people come and go

The one thing I am certain of
Is that the moment we shared
No matter how brief
Has changed me
And continues to change me

I am whole
With and without you
I am changing
Growing
Blossoming

I want to be someone
Someone you would be proud of
Someone with kindness
Woven into every fibre of their being

But although I am kind
I am many other things
So thank you for the pain
The tragedy
And the heartbreak

Thank you
For being the inspiration
The light and
The love

Thank you for leaving me
With no choice but to fight for myself
I am stronger now

I miss you still
And sometimes my mind is a blur
I will miss you always
But I am no longer
Incomplete
Jaz Nov 2017
Even in the warm summer months
I feel so cold
Because of you
A part of me is missing
I've become a black hole

Shivers run down my spine
I no longer believe I have the right to be alive
All the things you would say
All the things you would do
I kept trying to protect you

You were broken
I thought I could fix that
So I poured all my sunshine
Into all your cracks
And in return I asked that you love me back

But I was undeserving of your love
Or at least that's what you told me
But every time you were afraid
You'd ask if you could hold me

This isn't love and I know that now
I am not meant to pour myself
Into another being
And watch my fire fizzle out

I am sorry but I must go
There is much I still don't know
But when I learn and when I grow
I'll come back

So for now enjoy the show
Farewell
For I have grown too cold
  Nov 2017 Jaz
Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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