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Isabella Jan 2022
5
a river

narrow
winding
i watch you turn

you look like you'd hurt me
but how can i be sure
you could be what saves me

voices warn me to step away
so i don't get swept in your tide
they try to push me
but you pull me closer

i chase after you
to understand you
but you're a maze

narrow
winding
i watch you turn and turn again

shallow
but you'd drown me if i let you


heavens, do i want to drown?
Isabella Jan 2022
there is no rest for the broken
no sleep for the dead
where do i fall in between?
Isabella Jan 2022
Scarlet roses
Adorn the plainness of my grave
To hide my bed below
Where I sleep at last

Scarlet roses
Turn to black
Dying, just as I have
Isabella Jan 2022
sadness comes and goes in waves
but the ache never fades away
a tug between the heart and mind

oh, my heart breaks, and breaks again
the hurt buries itself within, far after it's healed
but graves don't hide what's beneath

yes, the feelings come and go
but my words here last forever
Isabella Jan 2022
Love stumbled into a garden, one sunny spring morning
Light trickled through the branches
Shadows danced along the grass
Birds sang from up above
There were flowers everywhere
Cold wind touched her spine in shivers

"Tend to the garden, love, it needs you"
So she watered the rows of plants, she nurtured the seeds
She watched them bloom, she never looked away

"Tend to each one, love, they need you"
So she knelt on the dirt and spoke to every flower
Caressing their petals, cradling their leaves

Then Summer came

"Never leave their side, love, they need you"
So she never slept, never dreamt
Never ate, never turned away

"Protect the garden, love, it needs you"
So she sheltered it from the storm
Coddled it away from the summer heat

Autumn came

"Careful, love, they're dying"
She felt a panic in her chest, but didn't let it show
She gave them more water, she gave them more care

"Save them, love, they're dying"
Determined, she did everything she could
Paced the garden, wondering what had gone wrong

Winter came

"Heal them, love, look what you've done"
So she watered them more, she cleared up the snow
She brushed away the frost biting at the flowers

"You hurt them, love, look what you've done"
Wilted, here they were
The garden gray, shriveled, lifeless

"I don't understand" Love whispered
Tears fell from her cheeks
The shadow replied,
"You killed the garden, the very one I trusted you to tend"
"But I cared for them, like you told me to" Love shook her head
"Did you?"
"Yes, of course, I sacrificed everything for them"
"Love is not sacrifice"
"Then what is it?"
"Love is letting go."
in the spring, they'll bloom again...
Isabella Nov 2021
Young girl, this is the beauty you’ll grow up to be- she's charming, pretty, loved endlessly
A head that behaves, nods never shakes, knows her place in the world, where she stays
She’s oh so adored, teeth white as pearls, a smile that brightens the desperate world
She’s graceful but strong, knows she belongs, and never dares utter a word we’d deem wrong

Young girl, this is the beauty you’ll grow up to be- it only takes practice, as you’ll soon see
Even out textures, messy imperfections, it’s a small price to pay for a life of attention
Don’t wear too much or you’ll look like a ****, but once you wipe it off you’re not trying enough
Time to embrace your flawless new face, nobody will miss the one it replaced

Young girl, this is the beauty you’ll grow up to be- you’ll look young forever if you do what you need
You can start now, it’s never too early, you’d hate to get older and look more than thirty
But it’s not all your fault your body failed you, you’ve got surgery now to come and save you
You’ll be cut apart and sewn back together, needles, knives, bruises, and scars til you’re better

Young girl, this is the beauty you’ll grow up to be- thin and starving until you can’t breathe
You’ll never look at food the same way again, for dear it’s nothing now but a weapon
Avoid or purge but never digest, do what you can to stay looking your best
Headaches, discomfort, the cycle of shame, you cannot turn back, no never again
Emaciated, weak, but see you fit in what you wear! Don’t give up now, you’re almost there

Young girl, this is the beauty we’ll raise you to be- you’re on your way now, I know it’s exciting
Glowing, shining, beaming fulfillment, there must be a hole but this beauty will fill it
I know that you cannot wait to grow up, a shell of you now but you’ll at least be enough
A life of affection that outshines your cries, smiling bright, even if it never reaches your eyes
Isabella Oct 2021
To love someone is to give them your all, I think. But most everyone doesn't see it like that, their love isn't real love.
How can you give someone else every piece of you without chipping yourself away?
How can you place boundaries in something as limitless as love?
How can you hold yourself back when you have so much more to give?
My love is real love. It is pure and it is everything to me but means nothing to anyone else.
My love is unhealthy, they tell me.
Too much, not enough.
I take it too far, they tell me.
Too big a heart, not small enough.
They tell me to love myself first before I give my love to someone else because it is special and deserves to be taken care of.
But a love so special, so all-consuming, deserves to go to the person who means the most to me, why would I waste it on myself?
I tear myself apart to rebuild the ones I love, and they would never do the same for me. Because their love is not real love.
a poem representing my unhealthy idea of love
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