All these years
Looking back,
I’ve always felt
Lonely
But i have
Never felt this
Alone

Life dissapeared from MY chest,
As swiftly as you walked from,
My door.

I wanted to cry
I wanted to scream
I wanted to tear myself inside out,
I wanted to die

Feeling lonely, and being alone
Are two different things.
But realising that
Not only are you completely
Alone
But you are lonely
Too

That sound in my head, thats telling me to hang myself from the ceiling, the voice thats telling me im nothing, the noise that keeps repeating how lonely i am, how alone i am screams louder than ever before. Will it ever be quiet?

Should i keep sufflering?

The fire is ours
We keep it locked away
Afraid anyone is gonna see
That you are more than what you show
That you are someone speciel
You keep the fire locked away
Cause its yours
No one elses business but yours
If you keep your fire away
No one can put it out
The fire is ours
But is it ours to keep?

Just because you are a good person, people will not treat you better.
They will treat you as they please
They will not consider your feelings, they will stomp on them
They will stomp on them every time.
You are a background character  in every one elses lives.
They will not notice if your gone, so you dissapear
And you will dissapear, cause if there is one thing you know
It is this: Loneliness has killed more people than cancer
And you are now awaiting your destiny.
You just hope that it will come soon
Then perhaps you wont become invisible before it arrives.
Then perhaps it will not only be you're mother there at you're funeral, then perhaps your name will appear in the papers, speaking of the tragedy that was your death.
But you sit still, knowing what is supposed to happen, knowing that there is no other way.
And you stand up, you look in the mirror, in hope that something has changed, that there is another way. You stare and stare, but you see nothing except the scars on your body and in your mind
Nothing but your crooked teeth and the failure that is reflected in your eyes.  
And at last, nothing. you stare and see yourself dissapear in the mirror until you are invisible and there is nothing but the noose around your neck.

She carries this lethal weight on her shoulders
and carries on through the day.
Nobody sees the mountains that rise above her head
and almost crushes her with every step.
Her eyes have dried up
She doesn't contain anymore liquid
except when she runs to the corner store
and loads up on her fuel again.
She doesn't seem too notice the weight
when she's floating above the dance floor on a friday night.
Its only when she awakes
the burdens come crashing down
Its only when she awakes
the facade wears off
Its only when she has woken
that she wants to sleep forever.

I have this feeling thats gnawing at my stomach, i know it all too well.
But i have a goal to reach and if that means falling into bad habits, watch me leap from the top of the mountain.
If it means bruising and my head spinning out of control, watch my skin turn blue as i turn and turn and turn.
If it means that my mothers worried look will return and my friends will start distancing themselves, watch me walk this road alone and in pain.
Because pain means suffering and suffering means loneliness and loneliness means that i need to reach my goal alone.
I only hope that this time i'll be capabel of using a parachute on my way down and stop myself from dissolving when i hit the ground.
The ground is my goal and oh god i hope i make it.

Loneliness is the lead ball in the pit of your stomach.
You let it control you like the gods control the weather, you let it take charge of your life like your father did when he laid a hand on you.
You let the loneliness creep in under your pillow, so it can whisper darkness into your dreams.
Soon you will look at your life and wonder when you threw it away and decided that your own company was the only thing you were good enough for.
One winter you will ask yourself why you never tried harder and if that is the reason you're celebrating christmas alone.
When you turn 80 you will think about all the times you needed company and all the times your insecurities took the chance of ever getting it away.

You get up every day, you look in the mirror and see the same reflection as yesterday. Do you ever get tired of the never changing image that is your face? Does it ever make your heart ache?
Do you find yourself watching cheesy romance movies just to feel that jump in your heart that you thought you had forgotten, well sweety you're not alone. The day seems bright when you wake up and dark when you go to sleep. Thats how its supposed to feel. However, it is never supposed to make you want to scream at the top of your lungs. Its not supposed to make you doubt every choice you ever made. And the worst of all, its not supposed to make you want to tear your insides out just to feel something, cause you forgot what love feels like. You start to doubt if you're even human, you start to see things as they really are, as they shouldn't be, as you never wanted them to seem. The world isn't white or black, its a million different colors and somehow you find yourself in none of them, somehow your life seems bleak just because no one ever had the capacity of loving you, just because it feels like no one ever will. You start to believe the cruel things that the walls whisper to you, and you start to see them too. You want to make a difference in your life and you are positive that this new day, will keep its brightness through all hours. You tell yourself that, darling you are just as loveable as anyone else. You almost believe it. Then you see your reflection in the mirror at the school bathroom, at the club, at the mall, you still see the same dull eyes who once had stars in them, you see what you've become, you see the emptiness and the sorrow. The next thing you know, you're laying in bed, watching the notebook and answering the whispers with a simple: "You're right, who could ever love someone with no content whatsoever".