Every year on the longest night, the old women tell tales
Of wicked things who travel on the winds,
Whirling wisps and wild screeches
Every door and window is locked without exception,
On this night, they say, the wind does not blow
It howls.

Every year on the longest night I languish,
Sleep deprived
The house is filled with guests, and I sit with my tea in hand
Sipping, laughing, sipping
Waiting
Until the dawn breaks,
With the slightest sliver of soft gold and blood red

I take a spoonful of honey
I stir my tea, watching the saccharine gold melt
I stir and I stir. Tap. Tap. Tap.
I sip

Tonight I will take another spoonful
This time to my mouth
Honey drips from my lips
A lick
Met with a scowl from an old neighbor beside me
Her eyes say I am an ill-mannered girl
I wipe away quickly

I take a walk around the room, I look for your face
Knowing I will not find it
I venture away from the crowd,
I hear faint whispers, beautifully wicked things
They stalk beside my window, covered with ice and sand
Their horrible lullabies beckon me to open my door

I want you to be outside that door waiting for me
I want milk and honey to flow like the rivers of paradise
I want my body to be a river
I want you to swim in it
I want you to bathe in it
I want you to drown

I switch to wine

I pour
I gulp
An elixir of blood, rubies, and longing
I drink like every promise you made to me can be found at the bottom of the glass
I pour again, I pour like this wine is my lover
You said you are my lover
Yet this wine is inside me and you are not

Tonight I will not sleep and I will not meet you in my dreams
I go to the door to the balcony, I step outside barefoot
I see the waxing crescent moon smiling down at me as though to say
“Go on…”

Why should I only meet you in my dreams?
I will ask those wicked things to carry you with them
I will have them bring you back to me
There will be no stars to light your way,
Only a promise to finally taste me again

An icy wind catches my dress and sends shivers down my spine

But who am I to you?
Too much honey in a teacup
Too much wine in a glass
Are you on some other balcony, in the cold, watching the moon smile?
Or are you warm beside a fire?

I go inside and lock the door.

If there’s one thing that unifies you and me, it’s heartbreak
If you’ve never experienced it to the fullest, you’ve seen it somewhere.
On your favorite tv shows, that song on the radio, on the girl’s face at the bar
On your lover’s face when you walk out the door the last time

And when you do feel it for the first time, you’ll want to be alone but please don’t be alone
You’ll want to bottle it up but
that’s a breakdown at work waiting to happen
That’s crying to his friends
That’s calling him after 1am, knowing he isn’t asleep yet
That’s driving by his apartment and holding your breath
That’s feeling like your hometown isn’t yours anymore, it’s a place you used to be with him

It’s feeling like the seasons are taunting you of when you were in love
The first fall of snow is the feeling of his hug
The lighting of the tree reminds you of warm cups of coffee on the couch
You dread New Year’s Eve because only 365 days ago, you danced with him in the street as the clock struck midnight
It’s knowing you will dance alone this year

You don’t look at your body the same way. You know how he saw it and you don’t see the beauty he did anymore
Your face doesn’t look like yours, it’s the one he used to hold in his hands
like a sparking jewel
He could marvel forever
I know he’s the first thing you think of when you wake up alone
And he wakes up next to her

Something that used to feel so concrete has been pummeled to dust
and now you’re left to scatter the ashes
So you drive by, the commons, the bbq joint, the movie theater, the lighthouse, the coffee shops, the all night diners, the book shops, the arcades, the antique stores, all the places you’ve made memories together
But please toss your heartache out the driver’s side window as you pass his apartment
because now it’s the only thing you two have in common

I hope someday you get played,
The way you played me.
I hope you give someone your heart,
And they up and flee.

I know I shouldn’t think this way,
I should be happy for the lesson.
I need to swallow my pride,
And let the bitterness lessen.

One day you’ll see,
You made a mistake.
What you did to me,
Will someday be your fate.

In the future, I know I’ll be fine.
As for you...I would wish you the best, but you already had it.

Standing on top of the mountain tonight
Embracing the cold breeze of the evening air
Basking myself under the seductive moonlight
Enjoying the magical lighted plains within my sight

I looked up at the starless sky
Saw only half of the moon
Then I thought, half just like me
Where in the world my other half could be

But with the promise of time
Like this heart of mine
The luminous moon will be complete
I guess one day soon, our fate will meet