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 Jul 2018 Lufuno anita
Kira
Mystery
 Jul 2018 Lufuno anita
Kira
If everyone that ever loved me was in one room,
I wouldn’t even be there to see it.
What do you call that?
Not seeing what has always been right in front of you?
Having everything but grasping at nothing,

My heart melts on a hot summer day when it feels your presence.
It’s like trying to show an ice cube that it’s okay to melt,
that you can still be you, but softer.
Because you- you always knew how to make even the coldest evaporate.
I’m not saying that you should be gullible enough to fall for every boy with kind words.

So many times, I’ve become a puddle for boys with no fear of drowning.
With no intentions of asking why I create the waves I do, my tides call out your name thinking I can become who you’re scared of leaving.

Beneath my rocky surface, I don’t know who I am.
If you pretend to know yourself for so long, you become a mystery to even yourself.

So you keep calling out names of boys who make you feel like
Something, Someone, Anyone.
With no remembrance of your own name.
Look left: Say hi to a stranger
Look right: Say hi to a friend
Look down: Say hi to the critters
Look up: Say hi to all your loved ones
Look back: Say goodbye to your past
Look forward: Say hello to your future
 Apr 2018 Lufuno anita
haley
i. the curly, green-haired
leo with the cry-baby tattoo
on her left calf; fish net stockings and
loud guitar playing and
menthol cigarettes. driving through
the park at 9 pm, ***** shots,
the white house with the a-frame roof,
hugs that made your heart feel as warm
as she did

crying as i left my room again to be
intertwined with a girl who did not love me, but i wanted to;
months pass, lonely car rides with
one-sided conversations and
seven years gone,
quiet disconnection
that made you feel as cold
as i did

ii. brown eyes, brown skin,
round glasses and chicago streetlights.
holding each other close on the subway
lakehouse parties in the beginning of spring and
pisces season and tarot readings and
soft kisses on the train.
holding hands at the aquarium,
sweet poetry and calm and
a sense of oneness that made you feel
important

hurt for the third time
a panic, a loss
i held their heart in my hands and
let it fall
harsh
unimportant
i still carry the guilt on my fingertips

iii. short hair. freckled cheeks, i
fell in love with the way the skin
crinkled around her eyes when she smiled.
an apartment, a home built
around our lips touching
wrapped in blankets on the couch,
dense smoke and her hand on my leg while she
drove. chinese food and
waking up against her chest and
laughing so hard
my ribs hurt

crashing. her anger withering away my
heartstrings; pain and
crying alone in the bathtub
moving away
drunk tears on the interstate
punching my thighs
in place of the way her
words made
me hurt
feeling extra lonely these days. they come and go.
 Apr 2018 Lufuno anita
haley
it's snowing in april and
the bluejays have abandoned their nest to
welcome the newcoming of spring;
we have no furniture, sweetheart,
but we do have time. last night i
held your cheek in my tiny palm and
asked if you wanted me to rest
in your arms forever -
"of course", you soothed,
and i brewed cherry coffee in the morningtime
to remind myself
that this life is good.
we have no money, sweetheart,
but we do have time. we do have time.
just a short one.
 Jan 2018 Lufuno anita
Sabrina
I waited for you to tear me apart.
The "I miss yous"
And other sweet words
Nothing mattered while you were holding me.
I sunk into you.
Worrying all while
for another scar.
And
Another tear.
I gave up my fears for you.
And then you tore me apart.

And now I cannot eat
I cannot sleep
Waiting for those late night calls...
I cannot think...
Thoughts are useless...

Darling dear,
you gave me a scar
unlike anyone else

And I am not sure I will recover.
 Oct 2017 Lufuno anita
h m w
He smiled at me and said 'here, take this'

It was a happy little pill of his and it would feel bliss

I smiled and gave him a kiss saying, 'thank you baby'

But what happened next forever will drive me crazy

Next thing you know I was spinning in my head

Then he wanted to bring me to a bed

His friends walked in and wanted more

So they all called me a ‘***** little *****’

My body was numb and I couldn’t move

I let out a scream but they didn’t approve

Everything went black but then again I woke

But to them it was nothing but a funny little joke

They locked me inside of a walk in closet

So if there was a stir I sure wouldn’t cause it

I blacked out again and woke in a different place

Treating me as if my soul were missing and my body were a case

Still I was unable to move nor speak

But he still said he loved me and kissed me on the cheek

I counted five inhumane beings on top of me moaning

One was even playfully groaning

I was disgusted and wanted it to end

But I knew that after this my mind would never mend

By now it would have been a little past three in the morning

Earlier I should have taken that adorable face as a warning

When they realized I was sobering up

They had an alibi saying they’d call this a hookup

When I could finally move my mouth again

I realized what had happened and felt heavy chest pain

They heard that I was muttering words that were incomprehensible

They saw me as nothing more than a body and that I was dispensable

They came up with a plan to hide my body in a ditch

I even heard one say, 'she deserved it, what a stupid *****'

I hit my head when they threw me on the ground

I only saw black in front of me and around

I woke up to a woman asking if I were okay

I only said one phrase and it was that 'I was betrayed'

What happened after that is irrelevant at best

All I will say is that I was nothing but stressed

This is my story and it happened two years ago today

Nailing an image in my mind that I was a targeted prey

I know now that I hold so much more worth

And I love myself more than anything on this Earth

Just know that these words have come straight from my heart

No matter how vile and disgusting this memory is, I can never restart

So I tried to make it a poem so it seems like some kind of art.

h.m.w
I am a ****** assault victim and I never received justice.

— The End —