Hello Daisies

Hello Daisies Aug 2019

***** my body
The needles thread through me
Pierce me Pierce me
I'm crying in thread
Inside I'm mostly dead

I knot inside
Shooting the needle down me
Slicing softly my skin bleeds
I'm aching on my knees

Help me help me
No one hears me
All I ever cry
Help me help me
The thread is twisting

No one's to blame
It's such a shame
After all the twisting
My thread is slowly ripping

Center in my arms
Give me more scars
Stabbing stabbing
Where's my mommy and daddy

They left me to bleed
They broke their seed
needles run inside
Laughing and breaking my sanity

I'm dying I'm dying
God help me I'm crying
The needles are physical
Not metaphorical

Bruise my skin
I let the craft win
What is it creating
I'm still awaiting

I think it's trash
My colors all clash
If you throw me away
Will it stop the gruelling pain

Please I beg
God please lay me to bed
I've had far too much thread
My blood is turning to lead

The needles crept in long ago
They put on a menacing show
I want to go home
But there's...no where to go

My needle can't be tied off
The thread only falls
Blood platters
My heart clatters
I'm left untied
God please you know how hard I've tried

Tie my thread off for good
Please, if you would
Stop the sew
End me and all that I know

I'm in a lot of pain I think it's anxiety but my God it hurts like needles in my arms and tben they feel like a heart attack

#anxiety #panic #disorder #depression #suicide #sad

Hello Daisies Jul 2019

Dancing with "wolves"

I want to dance
Dance with wolves
Under the stars
Swirling around
Brim stones burning

I hear the howling
I fear the growling
The Sparks around
Crumble beneath the ground

Up here I dissapear
There's too many
I'm a lone wolf
Always dancing alone
I've emptied my own pond

It was never deep enough
Too shallow to share
Everyone became bare
Found an ocean
Swam into it
Paddled away happily

I want to dance with wolves
Around the warmth of the moon
Warming trust
Becoming stronger
My pain lingers
Only gaps in my fingers

This heart inside me
It's cold and empty
It's so common to say
Be that it may
But..
Doesn't mean it hurts any less
Who must I impress
How much can I press
That I'm scared
I'm so alone
I just want to know
I want to be shown
Love and comfort
But I've lost

So much of me
It's too late
I lost any chance
Of dancing
With others
Happily

Help me
Please God
Someone save me
It hurts so much
I can not hide it with silly metaphors
Break the code
Break the show
I'm broken
I'm hurting
I'm unable to love
Unable to believe in up above

Please God let my soul rest
I cannot stress
How much
Everything ******* hurts

My dreams are dark
I'm tired of "wolves"
Of pretending
I just want
The final ending

Please

:(

#depression #sad #lonely #pain #wolves #love #stars #metaphors

Hello Daisies Jul 2019

Falling

Fa la la la
Fa la la la
Fala la la
Falala
Falling
Fall
Fell

I'm breathing in hell
Just make it through
This last week
It'll stop being bleak
Just.make.it.through.one.more.day

Fa la la la
Fa la la la
Falala la
Fallala
Falling
Fall
Fell

I can not tell
Where I am anymore
Everyday blends through the door
I'm afraid to open it
I'm too tired to explore it
Lay me to rest
I'm done with my best

Fa la la la la la
Fa la la
La
La
Fallalala
Fa la la ling
Fa
La
La
La
Li
N
G

    Help me
     I'm buried in someone's destiny
       Is it mine?
        I lost track of time
         Who am I?
        Why am I?
              Is this me?
            Or somebody playing hide and seek?

            I'm still falling
Not sure if by choice
      Or
by
some greater
force
    Tying me
down
  Until im nothing but a
mere
f
r
o
  w
    n

#depression #tired #exhaustion #anxiety

Hello Daisies Jul 2019

Reality

Reality breaks
Reality is fake
My heart is a pancake
Thick and crumbling
C
R
U
m
b
l
e

Afraid to feel
I can not heal
Life around me
Starts to peal
Leaving nothing but
Exposed flesh
OooozING

Lay me on the floor
It's my source of comfort
It's close to the earth
My only warmth
Keeps burying me
D
  O
    W
           N
           N
          N
            Never have I felt
  A sense of true comfort
My brain unravels
Either numb
Or sadness
Mixed with madness
Mad
     Mad
Mad    mad
Mad
Sad
It's buried so deep
Which reality is real
Can I really feel
Like I used to
Or was that a dream
Hmmmm
So it seams

I'm lost
In this dimension
Blue and gray
Swirling snow in May
Falling
Under water
Bubbling in my

Lungs

I'm too high strung
I'm too far gone
Everything feels wrong
Where do I belong
I keep singing the song
But I forgot the chorus
My brain tries to floor it
I out wore it
Now it's torn
R I P P E D to s hReDS
I'll get on my bed

And wait to be dead

Maybe then I'll find
Everything I left behind

#feelings #sad #manic #emotions #depressed #bipolar #lost

Hello Daisies Jul 2019

City

Giants in the city
They think, oh isn't this pretty
So many giants in the city
City
   City

Massive, brutal, but not very witty
They can't help get lost in the nitty gritty
Of the city
City
   City

I can't help but want to dance
Dancing in the night romance
Perfect In the city
City
    City

I should be Afraid of you
  So intimating what can I do
Lost in this city
City
   City

But God you're so pretty
You may be be giant
But that's what I'm in love with
Every flaw is a new wonder
To discover
With joy and confusion
I don't want another illusion
Let me get lost and found
While I climb you from the ground
In this city
City
     City

In very tired and I have no idea what I just wrote so here you go
I was seeing things early and it looked like a giant and so yeah

Jul 2019

JaxSpade

The Blue In Our Moon

Blue moon
You used to be silver last June
You changed your color
And I wondered
If your lover left you

Why are you shining so blue
I think I already knew
Why you're so blue

My broken hearted moon
You were so bright last June
You changed your color
And I wondered
If your lover left you

Why are you shining so blue
I think I already knew
Why you're so blue

Moon

I just want you to know
I feel it too

Hello Daisies Jul 2019

Privileged

*** I need my vacation
It's been forever
Since I've had my pleasure time

Have you ever lived without a dime
Lived without eating
Lived while barely breathing?

It's not fair I need my weekend off
I haven't seen my boyfriend today
I'm too young for this

Did you have a home growing up
A loving mother and father
Comfort and clean water ?

Please look around you
Realize what you have
Stop acting so entitled
Most people haven't eaten in awhile

You have love
You still have hope
You have money
And friends

What would you do if that all ends

Im sorry about this
But it simply amazes me
How people don't appreciate
Every little thing

Because life is so difficult
I can't even believe
The things you have
If I may speak honestly

I'm happy for people
Who have good health and love
But for goodness sake
Appreciate it and stop
Complaining so much

It's hard to watch
When I can't even find lunch
That you're ******* because
It's been a year since you've visited
Florida

I'm sorry I just I grew up very poor and alone and homeless so I try to appreciate so many things I didn't really have a childhood and to hear these people speak just upsets me.
*But my VACATION* LIKE most people don't get vacations?
I'm only 20 I shouldn't have to work full time...
I'm only 22 my life shouldn't be pain suffering and near homelessnes
You're going to college you have friends money a future and a family

Please appreciate that.

#life #anger #struggle #depressed