No one understands me
Just get to tell me what I feel
Tell me they're here to help
I'm like a cup of tea
Every bump in the road more Tea escapes
Living on a tilted *****
Running from the water rushing twords me
Falling down the rabbit hole of thoughs
Mad as a hatter is me
Carzy as the chesier cat
Calm as the rabbit
Insane as the red queen
Blood falling from my smiling mouth
Think im crazy
Staying stuck in the moment
Spilling tea on me
Teacup spilling my my brains like boiling liquid
Boiling my skin
Cant let in the light
Blacked out
Never getting out
Teacup spilling

Looking into your eyes I see the pain as I stand at the edge my hair whipping in my face. I see you chained to the rocks. Inches from me, reaching out. Your screams silent and straining against the chains and wind.
I stare my enemy in the eyes as he reaches out to save my life. He had become my best friend and saved me from the girl who had tried to **** me. He still needed an enemy after all.
I look at you with your tear stained face
"I guess you were right from the beginning I AM a monster. I could never be saved."
I smile as you strain against the chains and I fall back off the cliff into the sea.

I have a ****** line across my face
It curves up at the corners and looks so pretty
It portrays that im ok
It shows that i'm not dying inside

The blody smile curves at the corners
It gives the illusion that all is ok
It distracts from the dark circles under my eyes
It shows that im ok

The ****** line curves more with every time i'm asked if i'm ok
It grows larger and cuts deeper in with every "I'm ok"or "I'm fine"
It hids the pain that resides so close to the surface

That is my carved smaile
One for socioty that I can't take off
forced by my life to stay perfectly poised
To show no emeotion othere than happiness
It has been forced apoun me by a socioty,
that only cares about apperance
If you stray from the path you must know
the same pain i feel of having craved that
smile into youre own face.

The monsters under our beds turn to monsters in our heads

The ghosts in the attic become the ghosts of past loves

Pain was a broken leg that soon became a fight to the death with your mind

Shots were something we got so we didnt get sick but they turned to needles littering the ground

Medicine was tylonal we took when we had a cough now its pills we pop to forget life

we went from cutting paper into works of art to ripping our own skin apart into a crimson mess

yelling was what you did at the playground now it's what happens when when you can't stand living

Bruises would come from falling off the monkeybars now they come from those you think love you

shots were from soda caps and giggles that turned to sneaking out and getting wasted to forget

What happend to those kids whoes eyes were full of hope

What happened to those kids who wanted to grow up

A strawberry tastes like sitting in a field and the light is just going down so everything is golden and you're with you're GF/ girl best friend and she's wearing a sunflower dress with tewl and I'm wearing a white flowy puffy sleeves shirt with brown pants and we're just sitting there talking and existing for one perfect second

the way you look at me
while on the floor
with the bottle in hand

they way you look at me
while lying in the ****** tub
with the blade in my hand

they way you look at me
while tying the rope
around my neck

the way you look at me
while standing on the edge
so high i think i can fly

the way you looked at me
when I said goodbye
when you caught me
from the edge of that building
when i fell entangled in your arms

the way you looked at me
broke my heart

Fists balled in the lunch room
Music in my ear telling me to F it all
Friends yelling their disappointment
Rising rage and hate
Don't tell me to eat
Dont tell me what you think about my mental illnesses
They are mine and you can't dictate them
They control me
Zoned out
Punch her in the face
Laugh at her on the floor
5'9 best friend on the floor by her 5'2 short *** friend
Snapps in the face
Wakes up
Shes still yelling at me
Just wishful thinking
I didn't snap
I wanna snap
Im going to snap

Unlike you I can't sit still
Unlike you I cant focus
Unlike you every sound pounds my brain
like a hammering fist till my vision is blurry
like a dog whistle screaching at pitches you could never hear
rattling my brain
Unlike you I can't understand jokes
Unlike you I can't do things that are of no intrest
Unlike you I cant stand the feeling of the shirt on my back
like snadpaper scrating my skin wraw
like a snake squeezing the air out of my lungs untill I can no longer breath
Breaking my ribs

The silver glinting edge shines inches away
It's like un itchable scratch
An unquenchable thirst
An unsatisfyable hunger
It's so close
It beggs to consumed
It beggs be drowned in crimson pain
It beggs to eat away the perfect canvas
It's so close
Just one more
Just one more
Just one more
It's so close
A sighlent voice only I can hear
"You could do it you know"
"It wouldn't be that hard"
It's so close
It's begging makes me cave.

My heart is weak
My hands are shaking
My knees weak
My eyes are dark and blood shot

I'm lying in my bed
It's 9:00pm
Almost bed time
My Brother is in bed
My dad is aspleep on the couch
The is TV playing in the living room
The fake news is all I hear now

My mum is cleaning the house
She has siad goodnight to my brother
She has taken a shower
She is ready for bed

10:00pm
My mums in bed
She said good night
I'm still sitting in my bed
I should be asleep
As usual i'm the last one awake

10:30pm
I'm still sitting here
My mind is racing
I'm staring at my computer

14 missing assignments
I have sat here all day
I need to compleate them
I look at my grades
F
F
F
F

FFFFailure
That is what I am

11:30pm
I finally looked away from my computer
Still 14 missing assignments
I plug in my computer
I unlock my phone
I put my headphones in
Just a half an hour

12:00am
Time to sleep
School tommrow
I have to sleep

1:00am
How!

2:00 am
3:00am
4:00am
5:00am
****
I have to wake up in an hour
How did time pass so fast

6:00 am

You make me want to write
Words so bitter but oh so sweet on my toung
The words u said to me sour in my mouth as I repeat them

Im a slave to your words
Im a slave to your love
Im a slave to you

Order       Chaos
Light        Dark
  White        Balck
    Happy       Sad
      HELP ME FIND MYSELF

Running laps in my mind
I must admit that in hind sight this was miastake
The clock striking the twelfth hour for the third day
No way that this is happending
Thought I was asleep but to no luck I have found
My mind stuck on your face
I must say this race I see ahead to who will last be standing
Intrugied by your endless stare
It is rare I can hold the contact
You scare me
Oh how how you frighten me with how captivating you are
As trails of crimson leach from my skin
You and I have found a kin
In minds ever so broken to be
We

Underneath we are all the same
We all consist of red blood and bones
Strip away our skin and we are all the same
My little brother
He's only 11 but he's seen more violence that he needs
He's seen his older brother pushed aginst the wall and punched to ****** pulp becuse he wasn't a real man
Hes been pushed to the ground by a teacher becuse he had the guts to kiss his boyfriend
My best friend has had to sneak past her parents at night to see her love only to be beaten becuse of the color of her skin.
My brother has covered for me saying the much to large ripped jeans and band t-s were his to hide me from my father
We are all the same but if you are not a part of sociotys standards then you see more violince then ever needed to expiriance.
I want to hold hands with my girlfrind as we walk down the street without the fear
It doesn't matter who you are. we all have the same blood weather youre black, white, asian, gay, straight, trans, funny, depressed, happy, sad, in love single. IT DOESNT MATTER because we all bleed the same blood.

No one cares
and no one sees
No one cares
and now I'm gone

Youre tears fall down
and you say I'm missed
You say you love me
Hoverd over my body

If you cared
You would have seen
That when you touched me
I dissapered

You would have seen
my soul turnd to dust
You woukd have seen
My eyes grow dark

You say you care?
Then where were you
when I was alive...

Why am I so sad
I feel this crushing weight on my chest
I feel my life imploding
I can feel my friends slipping away from me
I can see the disgust on there face when they see me
I can feel there words when they talk in hushed voices
I can feel my nails on my skin
Raking and ripping and shredding my skin
Blood drips on my arm
I feel my own skin under my nails
I'm disgusted with myself
I want to die
I want to feel
I want know what it feels like to be actually loved
why am I so sad
Why does it feel like I'm drowning
why does it feel like I'm falling, I'm crashing into a void of nothing

Words best left unspoken
By mouths bound by secrets
By throats scraped dry from screaming
And eyes red form lieing

Words best left unspoken
By lips sealed with lies
By hands that waved goodbye
And eyes with no emotion

Words best left unspoken
The words you said to me
The words you should have left
UNSPOKEN

You hit me
you hung me
you cut me
you broke me
but i'd never leave you

I was told to say away from you
I was told that you would **** me
I was told that you were a cancer
I was told and didn't listen
You burned me more than that first Cigarette had
You made it harder to breath than the smoke I inhale
You we more cancerious than the nicotine in my blood
You were worse than the Cigarettes I smoke