Numbing Rage

Is it ok to feel this numb
Is it ok to feel this angry
I just wish to express myself
But it keeps getting taken away

Do you even care for me
Or does your religion force you to?
Saying you care is different to showing
I guess I figured that out too late

You say your a Christian; a saint,
But the way you act tells a different story
So boldly you choose, to make me cry
Do you even care that I want to die?

My life keeps getting taken away
Its not even possible to express myself
I guess its in my best interest to not be angry.
I guess its ok to feel this numb.

Staring into darkness
Like its my light
Turning my back
And walking to the abyss
Its turning to night

Staring into light
Only to be blinded
By what could have been
Losing all my might
Not to be mended

Cracks in the sky
Lets my problems
Slip through with ease
Never stoping the flow

You say that "one day you'll be great,"
Well, I guess you didn't lie one bit.
You never left it up for debate;
Making our heads split
With the information you so badly wanted.

Giveth thou mindful song,
And mix thine heartbeat
Ye shall see how far we fall
To see how far we fail
Only stopping and starting with a stall.

Driving us all along
To our horrid defeat
You tell us, "oh ye of so little faith!"
Only for thy to then bail
You little pathological wraith.

Oh, you wonder why so many fall away
Only to be the leading force
Ye eternal animosity towards our futures
Yet thy say you here for us to succeed.

You started something;
when you told us our feelings matter.
You started something;
when you said that you cared for our future.
You started something;
when you have us the reason to express.

You started something;
and we hope that it's finished.

There you go again
Being stuck in my head
Overflowing my mine with thoughts
Thoughts bout my past self

My past self is not what you think
I’m bout to tell you
So don’t you dare blink
Cause I’m not gonna redo

All my life, well so far
My feeling kept in a jar
For the health I swear
Please don’t go there

Been living a lie
And tied like a tie
Thrown in a box
And is locked with a brush

I’ve been sitting in my bed
My brain being dead
Watchin a rerun of a show
Pulled the trigger
My brain is now blown.

Shattered, battered, broken shards
Of our dreams being played like cards
Our dreams so high like stars
They burn up and burst far

Though they took my pride
I will have never died
For thy who breaks hearts
Also breaks that person soul

Even if I may die tonight
I’ll be remembered by my might
For my courage and my life
Shall never die

For me and myself
Have been alone for years
While you been chugging beers
And I’ve been crying tears

Waiting for you to get home
Been cursed with this syndrome
Searching the catacombs
For my lost heart and soul.

The light,
It’s getting closer
Coming at me like a bulldozer
Will it bite

Basking in the light
The light is shining so bright
Wondering how I got here
Maybe it was that beer

That beer
Was a cheer
For me to drink
So I won’t think

Think about all the abuse
They would leave a big bruise
Bruises from my mother and my father
Why even bother

I’m alone in this world of darkness
The light has gone away
Be replaced with this ink
This black in is here to stay

Falling into the abyss
Things are amiss
For myself and I
Would like to say goodbye

Goodbye to my innocence
Cause it was never frivolous
Goodbye to the light
Cause it turned into night

Goodbye to my parents
Cause they helped me see the truth
The truth about you
You as in life

Life isn’t kind
It doesn’t mind
Causing you pain
Making you go insane

The light it’s getting dimmer
Something is starting to shimmer
It’s getting colder in here
I hear some cheers

The light is gone now
Can’t see it anymore
Before you go
How was the show

“Hey man, the bar is closing”
Looking at the time
It really flew by
Time to go

Back to the abuse
Back to you
The light is gone
From my eyes

Sincerely,
                       Me

Deep down in my soul to find
Myself as I choose to hide
Looking high and looking low
In a broken soul I go

Finding life, death, and deep sorrow
Maybe we can do this tomorrow
Even though I stride
I found out my dreams died

Realizing that I was the flower
Losing their petals of power
I look for myself and I find
That I had already died

Watching as she left
She said bye
Walked out the door
Looking at the sky

She got in her car
Staring at me
She looked like a star
Wanting to be

Pulling out of the driveway
In her red Ferrari
Diving into the highway
Leaving me be

Later that evening
Getting a call
Im sitting here screaming
My back hit the wall

Pronounced dead
Like a fish out of water
Laying on her deathbed
She was slaughtered

She never said
See you later
Now she’s dead
Deader then a hater.

Watching as they run and hide
Staring at his wooden fence
Waiting for the time to abide
Hopeing he was dense

Holding sacks filled to the brim
With there cheeky smile
This is starting to look grim
I was hoping they wait awhile

I stared with despair
As they dropped the bag
Seemed like everything  left me,
even the air.

over there
Seems like it’s floating in air
It’s petals in the dark
The darkness is it’s arc

The stem is as black
Black like my soul
The flower is dying now
Might as well take a bow

Did you see that flower over there
Seems like it’s freezing now
The petals all black
Go help is grow back

Help it grow like a tree
So it can fly again
Like a bee in a breeze
Once more

Waiting at the door
Hoping someone will come through
Waiting for someone

Opening the door
Welcoming false lies and hope
Will be your downfall

Which door is open
Choosing one or the other
Hopeing its the one

As we grow like trees
We fall and spread some saplings
The cycle repeats

Staring at a little dot
Still as it can be
Being controlled like a bot
Let me be me

Help me get away
From this evil curse
Cause every time I try
It only gets worse

Looking for the light of day
Never to be found
Always staring at this dot
Never getting away

Watching the clouds
As they roll on by
Over the mountain mounds
Poking the sky

The cool spring breeze
On the unkempt grass
Hopeing the sky didn’t freeze
Then breaking like fragile glass

Here comes dawn
Running up on me
Bringing its harsh light
The sunshine shining bright

The sun gibeing at me
Taunting me with jeers
Like from my peers
Across the big sea

My mind escapes me
And let’s me get away
There’s nothing to say
So leave me be

Swallowed by my fears
All to the last drop
With their stupid leers
Waiting for me to pop

But as I lay here
I can see from my field
My precious people cheer
These people are my shield

My matra, my time
My precious rhyme
Life force dwindling
But I’m still here
Hearing their cheer

My motivation for life is staring at the clouds
Watching as they roll on by
Cause one day I’ll be there to
Looking down on you

My time has come
For me to say farewell
May the clouds be with you
As you adieu

Say goodbye to your worries
And to your wants
Cause we’ll be like birdies
Flying away from their taunts

What are we doing
Making up lies and false hope
Making our self bleed

Choosing the right way
Is like choosing who to save
We all make that choice

Being ****** dry
No more spillage
****** in by you
The darkness of abyss

Seeing you passing by
My heart pillage
The sashes blue
Of being dismiss

My feelings don’t matter
That’s what you said
Laid on the silver platter
The thinning thread

True love that you shatter
Coming like a bull’s head
Spearing me with your ****** dagger
Marking me with your bloodshed.

Save me from the dark
It’s tendrils of darkness arks
The dark consumes me

Looking at you from across the room
Ink mashed up my walls
Nightmares of a time awaits
Only a day away

Crinkling glass of my windowsill
The icy roads of frost
Took some time to figure out
That I am lost

Broken down starships
Were never meant fly
Tilted heads up
Looking at the skyline

Our love was never there
It was really just a dream
I want to wake up
But it’s hard to flee

Sitting in this desolate place
Staring off into space
Missing the one you loved
Who is probably up above

Heart aching for their touch
Wanting to feel so much
They have come and gone
Hoping I went as well

But life has a strong grip
Making everyone trip
Pulling us right to the start
To relive that pain

The pain of regret~
Of guilt~
Of sadness~
Of numbness.

The day before this
We talked about love
The day before this
We said we’re forever

Clearly you didn’t mean it
When you said you’d love me
Sitting underneath our favorite tree
With only me being here

Two years wasted on this
This thing you called “love”
I have a few questions before you go.
Why? Was my love not enough?

Was this cause of all my flaws
Was it my fault that you fell out of love
Hoping to see you one last time
Before we officially ended

But now I’m stuck here
My back against our tree
Craving for it back
But now I know it wasn’t for me

This date shall be known
As the day that I died
My love for that tree
Has it been all in vain?

I’m not gonna say sorry
For the stuff I’ve done
I’m so **** tired
Of all of this *******

Look at the sky; So Starry
Seeing my failed attempted to outrun
From such desired
Making me do it

Seeing me suffering
Everything just buffering