“You deserve this.”
A statement that crosses my mind not commonly
But always occurs at the most innapropriate of times
How is it that I don’t owe you anything, and yet you owe me so much?
Certainly since I’ve given so much in the past, I may call in my debts now
Is that not how these things work?
I know the answer.
So why is it so hard to say
“You do not deserve this.”

I haven't written in a while.
I think it's because I've been happy.
I guess that once the fear is tamed,
and the insecurities shrink down,
I'ts a lot easier to flash an honest smile.

I owe most of it to you.
But I think I've been slowly getting better.
Negativity used to haunt my mind with no end in sight,
Turning subtleties into monstrosities and leaving me awake at night.
But that was before I started looking up. Before I found you.