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I beg of you, let me get high
Because to live with you
I have to lie.
Can I just start over?
I only have ten years left
But I want to only have ten days left
So that I can live and disregard the consequences.
I find myself in the backseat of a car,
Unwashed and unwilling,
Clinging to each word that comes out the speakers.
I hold on so that I don’t lose myself in the tears welling in my eyes.
Drugs really did make me happier.
I have this feeling in the back of my throat like I’m about to *****.
My heart is racing at a million beats per second and I’m laughing to cover up the fear.
You come back into my life once more, but I already have someone else to waste away with.
I have multiple “someone else”s actually.
They send me good morning texts and compliment my humour.
I miss you, I really do, and we still have these funny conversations that leave me broken
because my heart remembers when we always had those conversations. When everything was funny and everything was good
But you aren’t my first choice anymore and I don’t think you have fully accepted that.
If you have, you very clearly don’t know why I’m talking to these other people,
why you aren’t priority,
but I can tell you why right now.
Your friends and all of these other “someone else”s didn’t **** me over to begin with.
In the confidence that bears itself after learning to love,
I jump into a trusting and new world, bright with the colors of joys and the shadows of sadness.
Our universe is not one of the perfection that so many write of, but one of realism, love, and hurt.
I recognize the burning embers of betrayal, the sound of the sizzling spells out your name, but I learn to let the past go so that I can leap forth.
Blue waters engulf the soul.
Sometimes the truth pushes you roughly through the sea, however, it can also set you free to dance to a rhythm that you open your ears to find.
Love is a realm that urges life forwards. It comes with pain, as all good does, but within it, you may find the warmth that only it can offer.
Emptiness is the curse of which I was previously put under.
All is fresh now.
All is clean.
You may seek purpose. You will find it in your family, friends, lovers, and yourself.
People come and go like currents of winds.
In the confidence that came after re-learning how to feel, I lay in my beautiful world and see it for all that it is.
See, here’s the thing...
I really wish I was sorry.
Artificiality kills me.
It really does.
I hate when people's only notable characteristics are their attractiveness.
There is more to life than appearance.
There is noise to enjoy, words and laughter.
Please, I beg of you, look into the depths of a soul because
I can guarantee that beauty will fade if it is the only thing you focus on.
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