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Jul 2019 · 411
Untitled
Over-Complicated Jul 2019
I beg of you, let me get high
Because to live with you
I have to lie.
Jun 2019 · 205
Fuck the rules
Over-Complicated Jun 2019
Can I just start over?
I only have ten years left
But I want to only have ten days left
So that I can live and disregard the consequences.
Jun 2019 · 175
Mr. Jones Again
Over-Complicated Jun 2019
I find myself in the backseat of a car,
Unwashed and unwilling,
Clinging to each word that comes out the speakers.
I hold on so that I don’t lose myself in the tears welling in my eyes.
Drugs really did make me happier.
Jun 2019 · 186
Let it talk
Over-Complicated Jun 2019
I have this feeling in the back of my throat like I’m about to *****.
My heart is racing at a million beats per second and I’m laughing to cover up the fear.
You come back into my life once more, but I already have someone else to waste away with.
I have multiple “someone else”s actually.
They send me good morning texts and compliment my humour.
I miss you, I really do, and we still have these funny conversations that leave me broken
because my heart remembers when we always had those conversations. When everything was funny and everything was good
But you aren’t my first choice anymore and I don’t think you have fully accepted that.
If you have, you very clearly don’t know why I’m talking to these other people,
why you aren’t priority,
but I can tell you why right now.
Your friends and all of these other “someone else”s didn’t **** me over to begin with.
Jun 2019 · 363
Enter; me
Over-Complicated Jun 2019
In the confidence that bears itself after learning to love,
I jump into a trusting and new world, bright with the colors of joys and the shadows of sadness.
Our universe is not one of the perfection that so many write of, but one of realism, love, and hurt.
I recognize the burning embers of betrayal, the sound of the sizzling spells out your name, but I learn to let the past go so that I can leap forth.
Blue waters engulf the soul.
Sometimes the truth pushes you roughly through the sea, however, it can also set you free to dance to a rhythm that you open your ears to find.
Love is a realm that urges life forwards. It comes with pain, as all good does, but within it, you may find the warmth that only it can offer.
Emptiness is the curse of which I was previously put under.
All is fresh now.
All is clean.
You may seek purpose. You will find it in your family, friends, lovers, and yourself.
People come and go like currents of winds.
In the confidence that came after re-learning how to feel, I lay in my beautiful world and see it for all that it is.
May 2019 · 259
I’m sorry that I’m not
Over-Complicated May 2019
See, here’s the thing...
I really wish I was sorry.
May 2019 · 207
Known For Their Looks
Over-Complicated May 2019
Artificiality kills me.
It really does.
I hate when people's only notable characteristics are their attractiveness.
There is more to life than appearance.
There is noise to enjoy, words and laughter.
Please, I beg of you, look into the depths of a soul because
I can guarantee that beauty will fade if it is the only thing you focus on.
May 2019 · 187
E-C-TS
Over-Complicated May 2019
Like smoke spilling from plump lips, my love flows off of my skin, sticky and damp with the warmth emulating from my heart.

Brewing silently is fury and coldness, frustration painted over it as the simple explanation of a complicated emotion.

Ignorance is bliss to those who wish to forget, but if you’re the one who wants to fix the issue, ignorance is nothing more than Russian Roulette.

Elaboration is crucial to the healing process because without analysis of a problem, all you will do is repeat history and hurt even more than before.

Like syrup dripping from wet lips, tears fall from my blood-shot eyes, salty and tacky with the last hint of warmth from my dying heart.
May 2019 · 152
Part 712
Over-Complicated May 2019
Why am I so addicted
To the feeling of your mind and soul leaving your body.
The way the smoke harshly exits your lips, the way all of your pleasure focuses to your abdomen, or the way that the Corona gushed down the back of your throat.
No matter the vice, I wish for it.
I long for it.
The worst of my addictions, however,
Is you.
May 2019 · 192
Friendly Reminder To Myself
Over-Complicated May 2019
Not everything works out.
Don’t expect it to go your way.
Apr 2019 · 319
LanX Cracked Screen
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
“There aren’t any bullets in it”, you said as you held the gun so tightly between your legs,
Just one of the firearms you keep on you in case you want to end it all
(Which you do).
You find no passion in life, so you resort to ******* people off and staring at screens to fill the time.
You dull all of your senses that you can with anything around you.
You want to end it all, and you plan to soon,
If someone else doesn’t end it for you.
“There aren’t any bullets in it”, you said as you fought to keep her from shooting you in the head
Because that spot was only reserved for you.
I’m sorry. Please don’t.
Apr 2019 · 179
Just thought I’d share
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
Things are constantly changing.
They don’t always change for the better, but that’s life.
It happens anyways.
Don’t blame the changes on the world because sometimes, you ARE the reason things are changing.
Just accept change,
Accept who you are.
Accept that you might lose some things along the way.
Just thought I’d share my observations.
Apr 2019 · 191
2:10
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
I stayed up talking with you for four hours tonight.
It started off with nervous laughter at potential ****-ups and ended in comfortable butterflies fluttering in my twisted stomach.
You call me “youngin” because you know how much it annoys me,
You’re only older by a year (“and six months”, you always remind me),
But you say my naivety is adorable.
You’re starting to catch on to the little phrases I say
And each time you say them, I notice more than any one around you probably does.
Showered in infatuation, bathing in the intoxication of affection,
We lull into an unrealistic sense of security that we find in each other arms, hundreds of miles away.
We might never meet again
But each time I talk to you, it’s like the first time.
A whispered laugh at your gasp as you realize just what time it really is
And I tell you it’s okay to go to sleep because I care about you
But you don’t care for me in the same way.
That’s okay as long as you keep calling me until 2:10.
Apr 2019 · 149
You
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
You
I wonder so often who you are
That I forget who I am.
Apr 2019 · 163
The World To Me
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
I love you so much, you wonderful perfect girl.

I don’t think you truly know just how much you mean to me.

From your giggle to your judgemental looks, you display the widest variety of perfection.

You are so sweet and so kind to everyone, regardless of if they deserve it or not. I know that I don’t deserve your presence after I put you through so much pain, but your forgiving heart has allowed me into your life.

You write the most beautiful words anywhere you can find them; a paper, your phone, my leg.

A voice that varies through my head when I think of you. A voice so wonderful that just the thought of it spread a grin across my cheeks.

The way you let me rest my head on your chest and grab my hands puts my chaotic soul at ease.

You smile at me with your adorable teeth and I know that there is not a bad bone in your body.

You are honest. You do what you believe is right. You are ssupportive and always tell me to do what makes me happy.

You have eyes the color of fall leaves that are clear as crystal in the sunlight.

You have curly brown hair that runs through my fingers like silk when I kiss your forehead.

You are so unbelievably perfect to me, and I don’t think you quite understand it.

I need you to understand just how much I love you,
You sweet,
Funny,
Beautiful
Charming
Girl.
I love you so much, you mean the world to me.
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
You’re an inconsistent  lifeline that I’m constantly trying to hold on to,
An oil-soaked rope chafing against my sweaty hands.
It seems you’re only halfway here and never fully committed to being my light
But you’re here just enough to have my instant company if you want it.
I’m left with the insecurity that I’m too imperfect for your brilliance
But there’s nothing I can do and I’m kind of okay with that.
This is lyrical nonsense jumbled together in an incoherent format
But it makes me feel slightly better about myself, as I now realize that I need you to fill in the holes and crevices but I don’t need you to make the moon.
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
I choose to ignore it,
Treat it like a bad nightmare,
But deep inside I feel it.
My worst fear rears it’s head
in my cold hidden heart-
I’m falling for you
And there’s nothing I can do about it.
Apr 2019 · 332
Friends are like Cocaine
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
I found happiness in a small fold of time,
Barely a corner, barely a crease,
But it was there.
One day burned in my memory,
One that I think of and remember the heat and the warmth, the passion.
It feels nice to escape my problems.
Thank you for letting me feel wanted for one night.
One night is more than I could’ve asked for.
Apr 2019 · 349
Sunset
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
I find myself hoping-
Sometimes praying to a God I don’t believe in-
That these things will pass,
That they are just a phase.
It doesn’t always work, that’s why I have cuts and scars on my legs, and soon on my arms,
And that’s why my liver is so ****** up.
However, in the meantime,
I have some friends to keep me warm
And a family to love me.
People come and go, drift like the ocean,
And it hurts
But I’ll just keep my feet in the sand
And my eyes on the sunset.
:) thank you to those few people who have kept me going.
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
You’re cute.
I’m interested.

You’re funny.  
I’m enchanted.

You’re forbidden.
I want you even more.

You’re full of secrets.
Let me explore.

You’re hurtful.
You give me a reason to cry.

You’re ruining my life.
Let me get closer.
Apr 2019 · 875
April Fools Day!
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
The biggest prank I ever fell for
Was thinking you cared about me.
Apr 2019 · 144
Acid
Over-Complicated Apr 2019
Hold me so tight
That you crack my spine.
Mar 2019 · 517
You
Over-Complicated Mar 2019
You
I hope you realize that none of this matters
If you don’t see it
Mar 2019 · 169
Loved Second
Over-Complicated Mar 2019
Being second choice
Is almost as bad
As not being
Chosen
At
all.
Mar 2019 · 201
Bells Cry At 5 O’Clock
Over-Complicated Mar 2019
It’s okay to be hurt and it’s okay to be sad.
You can’t be happy all of the time,
That’s a part of life.
I’m sorry that things turned out this way,
You’re between a rock and a hard place
But I’ll help you get out of that hard place, I swear.
Trust me and make me trust you
So that we can help each other.
Mar 2019 · 201
It Tears Me Apart; pt.4
Over-Complicated Mar 2019
I’m indirectly hurt by other people constantly,
Particularly by the way they ignore me
Disregard me
Neglect me.
The only thing I hate more than being ignored is watching the people I love hurt themselves over and over again.
They know it’s a trap they’ve fallen into and they know they shouldn’t indulge
But the pure primal defiance instinct seized their body and renders them weak,
Powerless.

I hurts so much to see that.
Because when I see them hurting themselves,
Over and over again,
I see a reflection of myself.
Mar 2019 · 162
Each One Of You; pt. 2
Over-Complicated Mar 2019
It took a long time for me to believe in trust again because it had been broken so many times.
It took a long time to believe in love again after it had been maniacally ripped apart.
Despite that, someone made me believe,
And then, now, here I am broken all over again.
I found myself believing every word that plunked from those lips
And I fell for them .
When sentences string from mouths , I don’t believe any of the explanations now.
I don’t process the one-sided quickly spoken monologues anymore.

It hurts to look back on the past and see the slow shifts where I couldn’t before.
It’s even harder to look into the future and see where I won’t fit in,
But it looks like it’s time to change again.
Part two of a series of unfiltered emotions meant to be seen
One each day for each person
Over-Complicated Mar 2019
I broke all of my promises
And accepted, shamefully,
all of the nightmares hidden-
Feb 2019 · 372
...cut.
Over-Complicated Feb 2019
Like a child, I am eagerly waiting.
My knee shakes frantically in anticipation.
I sit excitedly in the water,
A smile plastered on my face,
Mouth watering.
Am I scared?
Of course?
Would you not be?
But despite my fear,
I look joyously down and the hard metal
A salty droplet rolls down my cheek.
I am scared,
But I am ready.
I take a deep breath,
I let go,
And I...
Feb 2019 · 144
People Talks
Over-Complicated Feb 2019
Is God real?
If He is, He must be torturing me.
He took the ones I loved and twisted them like locks.
They changed and morphed and blended together until I could no longer distinguish them from the blurs of the unfocused background.
He took them and set up a metal trap for me to walk into.
People I'm in love with love other people.
People are forgetting me, or worse, doubting me.
People I trusted with my whole heart hurt me in such a way that I can't even react to things in the way that I should.
He has bent and broken my home.
Screams echo into a small room that I cannot call my own.
It's been like this for too long.
I must have done something wrong to upset Him,
But I don't even know what I did.
No one trusts me or believes me.
I'm losing them and losing myself.
I've been left to defend for myself with doubt around every corner.
I've held out for so long,
I can't go on for much longer.
Feb 2019 · 93
Untitled
Over-Complicated Feb 2019
I feel that I can honestly say that you don't love me like you did
Because loving is different to you, now.
You're losing your mind, forgetting what we've gone through and remembering mistakes way too old to know when they really were.
I don't know if you know what talking is because you can't seem to do that with me.
                              Ever.
You don't trust me with anything.
It's insane how much you keep from me,
And what I'm starting to keep from you out of fear that you'll show the people that you love more.
I won't exert all my effort to get you to love me
Because I know it'll never happen,
But I'm putting in 65% and youre working a straight zero.
Over-Complicated Feb 2019
She giggles like a baby
And dances like an excited child,
Twirling amongst the wind and rain with no coordination.
Her smile is quiet and often,
I never really thought about how much I love teeth until I looked at how cute hers were,
Her canines sharp and ready to bite at my ear.
The waist on that girl is about the size of my neck,
Maybe smaller.
I wouldn't doubt it.
Pale milk in the moonlight is no whiter than her skin,
But it is not nearly as luminescent and ethereal.
Her freckled narrow nose shows how much she is in the sun.
She will run around, having kid's fun, until millennia go by.
Her ears poke out of her hair sometimes,
Showing themselves just to make me smile.
And her locks are thick, unlike her thighs.
Her hips are so wide and fluid,
But she does not worry of them.
Her only worry in the world is of her music.
Her multichrome eyes are canyons filled with amusement, joy and love,
And they are framed by long elegant eyelashes that tickle my own when she kisses me.
Her hands, ever so small but broken, rush around, messing with whatever there is to be played with.
And her tongue intrigues me as much as it enchants me. One flick of it, and I'm melted in her hands.
Her body is what I'd imagine heaven's angels to appear as,
Bright.
Playful.
Perfect.
Feb 2019 · 161
Current
Over-Complicated Feb 2019
I dress like a ****
And laugh extra hard to earn love,
But things have been hard
And I just need a friend.
Update: nothing's changed.
Dec 2018 · 5.7k
Not Mine To Hold
Over-Complicated Dec 2018
A bed we knew very little of, the history was a mystery.
My skin smiled when it met yours,
Radiating peace and security.
My bud blossomed into small roses that were pressed close to your heart.
Between us, a dance
Unlike any other I had ever known. A twist and pull, a push and shout,
Breath intertwined like branches in a cold winter forest.
Your hands fell down my hips, slithering to the beat we had made.
A grin, I felt, behind your curled lips, and a kiss they delivered unto me.
The deep pulse of love entered my stomach and my heart.
It filled my soul with the feeling of you.
And we
We are a drug so powerful that you can never forget the taste we left upon your thoughts.
Over-Complicated Dec 2018
I sit
Stare
Wonder of the things that aren't here but are somewhere else.
Beige ceilings feel small when you stare at them all the time.
There's a sky beyond the plaster-
A dark sky that's full of animals and stars and clouds and noise.
Yet here I am
With nothing but the white noise of a heater and a faint ringing in my ears.
I think of all the time I waste thinking.

I could learn a different language.
Being able to speak to someone in many different cultures and continents would be interesting.

I could practice guitar or piano, learn a new instrument, create new music.
I love the way music twists and spills from my fingers like an ethereal waterfall.

I could draw and create a masterpiece.
Acrylic flows through my veins and keeps my heart pumping.
Watercolor dyes my body and my hair,
Washing me over in a wave of bright color.
Chalk dusts my skin, leaving me with a blurred finish.

I could exercise.
It would surely boost my poor self image.
I constantly look in the mirror and see a hideous shell.

Mending relationships and talking would fantastic,
A splendid way to make good use of my time.
A way to use my present to correct my past and improve the future.

Studying would be a good thing to do, as well.
The great me knows that my grades sure do need it.
I cannot deliver disappointment to my parents.

Maybe I could work, earn some more money
More money makes mankind merrier;
So it appears, money makes man merry.
I'd be contributing to my society and be making use of my time.

OR...

or...

I could continue to stare at a blank canvas above me,
Smooth as silk,
And I can think of all the things I could be doing right now
Instead of actually doing them
Because America is a nation of dreamers,
Not doers.

— The End —