I offer myself to you.
Bare and naked.
I rip my heart out for you.
Cold but still beating.
I work my fingers to the bone for you.
Nothing but scraps of what they used to be.
But you can't see what you don't want.
And you don't want what you can't see.
So you throw me away, bare and naked.
You step on my heart, cold - no longer beating.
You push my bloodied hands away from you in disgust.
You don't see how hard I've tried.
You ignore the tears I've cried.
I guess this is all I'll ever be.
I love you anyway mommy.

"Dance for me my puppet."
And so I danced for her.
"Bind yourself to me my dear"
And so I bound myself to her.
"Listen to me and no one else."
And so I listened to only her.
"Starve yourself for me my precious."
And so killed myself for her.

Maybe one day the wind will pick me up and take me away from this place.

Maybe then it will whisper how lovely I've become.

I pull it inside.
It cools me as it flows downward.
It's black, sticky hands wrap around my lungs.
A cool shiver trickles down my spine.
My muscles unclench from the daily beating.
My blood calms down.
I have escaped the calls of the blade for now.
For now, the smoke flies away with me.

I can feel it.
Just under the surface, it's there.
That hard prominent perfection.
Under my fingertips that trace my imperfections.
They are there.
Beautiful and white.
Just pull my skin tight and you can feel them too.

The cold steel glides over my throbbing flesh.
It yearns for the screams of a thousand nightmares.
It beckons to me from the darkness,
It frees me from my cage.
I answer it's call, holding it my arms like a lover lost long ago.
Reunited in a painful embrace.
This long forgotten feeling, now once again flows over my skin.
Spilling over, worthless rubies fall to the floor.
The flush cools my once screaming veins.
They whisper all together a collective "Thank you" as they fall asleep.
My precious metal friend falls to the ground.
I lay cold, dying, alone;
The screams from within me are now silent with their goal achieved.
Content, they scatter back into the darkness.
My relapse is complete.

My demons sometimes force my hand.
They sometimes make me smile.
They sometimes know how to make me laugh.
They know how to make me lie through my teeth.
Vices keep me level.
Fire helps me breathe.
I hope my demons have forgotten how to swim,
Because I'm neck deep,
And I never learned how.