Isn't it funny?
How quickly forever turns to never?

How sweet nothings
Blossom to bitter somethings.

Each I love you,
A burning coal of regret.

The promise to always fight for you
Forget amidst the next one's legs.

And all your hopes
Wither to ashes.

The dreams you shared.
Become a waking nightmare.

You long for oblivion.
But remember each forgotten moment with clarity.

How many times can your heart break?
Before it ceases to mend.

Is there a place where wrongs can be right?
And the right one who will never leave lives?

Take me back to before we met.
Where i was me not this shell who survived losing you.

Can our love be upside down
The right side up someday.

You are the violin & I am your bow.
You are the mountains & I am your snow.
I am the song sheet & you are my tune.
I am the night sky & you are my moon
I hold you in my heart, I have you on my mind.

You were the elusive dream, I tried to ensnare.
I was the light you couldn't bear.
You were the moth to my flame.
we both got burned.
As our story fades into a memory.
Adieu my heart.
Until the next life.

If only you could see what I saw when my eyes beheld you. Imperfect yet loyal, brave and wild.

She was good at goodbyes
And he was bad at them.
Together they were one collision away from pain.
And yet somehow when his need met hers.
There was calm inside the chaos.
He was patience incarnate.
She was unconditional love.
The two, a connection so deep.
A feeling in their souls.
That this wasn't meant to be goodbye.
But a hello that never got old.

He was the kind of man to catch your eye.
Maybe not at first.
The kind of beautiful that is skin deep.
His big heart which cared more than he let on.
His desire to put others first.
His fragile nature which he hid behind jokes.
His love which was like a kite.
He held on to the string afraid to let it fly.

She was a hurricane on a rainy night.
Blowing every which way looking for home.
She soon realised home was him.
His warm arms around her.
His soft kisses which turned hungry.
The way he touched her like he would burn up if he didnt.
Together, their song built to a crescendo.
Mystical music that played each night when they came to their special place.

He was afraid but he was solid.
His commitment was more than words.
More even than empty promises.
He showed up every night for months on end.
Waiting for the girl who had sadness in her eyes.
He instinctively knew that this girl would change his life.
He let her in a little at a time.
Sometimes a lot.

She longed for the nights when he would swoop in.
His need on his skin like a fitting shirt.
His attention a caress she would feel.
She yearned for the kisses that started an inferno and the touches like he couldnt get enough.
She wanted all of him; body, mind and soul.
Wanted to know him as intimately as she did herself.
She knew that losing him would wreck her.
But she dived in anyway.
A life without him was like living in black and white.
He was her greens and gold. Her coloured tapestry.
He would be her utter ruin but he was worth it.


He touched her and it made her feel more alive.
He painted stars in her skin
And wrote his name on her soul.
He showed her that sometimes going slow was ok.
Sometimes it was ok to hear the music in each other.
And he would always come back to her.
For that was their fate.

She danced into his arms and he waltzed into her heart.
Together, they fitted like a jigsaw.
They had a connection so bright.
One that couldn't be denied.
She became his queen, his every need.
She was addicted without a doubt.
Never had they felt something so real.
She whispered over and over,
Let me in. Trust in us.
She hoped one day he would let their love bloom.


He made her feel like she was a beacon.
The light that guided him home.
He was a moth drawn to her flame and told her he wasnt afraid to burn.
He just wanted to bask in her glow.
She was his inevitable girl.
The flame that made him feel all the things he never did before.
She completed him.

Dear Love.

I adore you, sweetheart.

I know how much you like to hear that — but I don’t only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.

This is my first love letter to you and i hope there will be many more to come. You deserve to be cherished and showered in love because you are an amazing man. You snuck up on me unawares and laid siege to my heart. Lord knows i tried to resist you but you cant escape destiny. We were like two forces meant to collide.I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.

I know we are miles apart and this is online — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little things with you. Big things. Anything that will cement our love.

You worry because you think you can not give me something that you want to and think I need. You worry about not being enough. But darling you are the sum of everything i ever wanted. You needn’t worry. I love you in so many ways so much — even if you gave me nothing,I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, far and imperfect, are so much better than anyone else I know past and future. I believe everything happens for a reason and our destiny brought us together because we are stronger as a whole. I want an imperfect perfect love with you giving each other things no one else dared.

I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don’t want to be in my way. I’ll bet you are surprised that I don’t even have a boyfriend irl. But you can’t help it, darling, nor can I — I don’t want anyone else because my eyes are set on you— they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

In his arms I am fire.
Pure fire burning away the loneliness.
A flame that ignites and soars.
Higher and higher and with each touch.
A warmth that quivers against him.
For he is my match.
The strike that lights my heart.
The voice that wakes my every nerve ending.
The soul that so delights mine.
Together, a connection so deep carried over the channel.
Never to be severed for to have one is the other.
A team meant to keep the darkness at a bay.
A love that cant be denied.

The cracks are getting bigger,
The pieces of me lost
To people who never cared.
People who said I love you
and please and thank you.
But tore my heart to shreds.

The spaces between my dreams and reality
Become bigger and greater.
The thought of you laughing
And loving someone else.
Breaks my strength to bits.

I'm crawling to the place
Where I can live again.
But it feels like twirling in circles.
Where i dont know which way is home.
How do I break this pattern?
How do I stop hurting?

All I know is the echoes of your name
Brings me to tears.
The ghost of your touch.
Makes me ache.
I wish i never met YOU.

Dear Future Me,

Someday you will be, the sun moon and stars.
To one lucky man.
And he will know, that he found a treasure.
You will be just right, and your needs will be his priority.
You will find love, and it will be everything you wanted.
I know it doesnt feel like it right now.
But someone will look at you, and see you for who you are.
And he will deserve your pure heart
And know what a gift it is when you give it to him.
Until then, don't give up on love.

His arms around me when i am weary.
His kiss upon my lips to ignite.
His desire fueling mine.
To an inferno of need.

I long to be by his side.
Day and night and in between.
Our passion smolders between the sheets.
The tenderness of each touch
Coupled with the insatiable wildness.

His gaze on my body.
Like a starved man seeing an oasis.
His hunger to taste and partake
Of the wet goodness moist for him.
Every moment together we are lost.
And yet apart we long for a moment more.

Missing you every minute the clock ticks away.
Hoping the time will fly a little faster. That this ache from being apart
will be lessened when you hold me. When you look into my eyes
and tell me I'm the one.
I think about you endlessly.
You stole my heart away.
I know our love is here to stay.
There's nothing I want more.
I promise to love you till the end.
And some more after that.
They say love knocks you off your feet. But I fell into your arms.
And I know I am safe when you hold me.
I am yours

Your voice is what I need.
I long to hear you whisper
good morning in my ear.
I long to hear your moans when we touch.
To hear you beg for more when we make love.
Its your touch I need at night.
Your arms around me.
Your body pressed against mine.
The fire that burns when you and I touch.
Our need inflamed with each kiss.
Our certainty that we are loved and desired in turn.
I want all your tomorrows.
Every kiss under the night sky.
Every dance that needs to a night of insatiable passion.
I want every memory.
I want you.

It just seems to fit, you and I.
With every kiss, every touch,
I feel you inside me.
My loneliness is no more
when you surround me.
I yearn for you every minute.
You're the only one who sees me.
Who knows how to unravel my knots. Who releases my love.
In a tide I cant hold back.
My love overflows for you.  
My need for you is insatiable.
I long for you like my next breath.
I yearn for every tomorrow.
I never want to stop dreaming of you.
All my pain made this moment worth it.
You are my world.

As the minutes pass,
my skin tenses.
Missing the one who rouses it.
And my soul reaches,
across the distance.
Hoping that it will reach you.
That you will feel my fingers across the distance.
Hear my voice whisper in your ear. My love, come to me.
I long for you.
More and more every minute

The darkness calls
Except this time it sounds warm
Deliciously wicked even.
Like a tongue licking down my pleasure spots.

I answer the call.
First by my eyes widening
The hint of a mischievous smile on my lips,
My body responding.
Knowing that it is you to whom I come.

Step by step I sink into the pool.
Gazing into your eyes
Becoming less than I am.
Only what you need me to be.

Shedding my doubts.
Fear a thing of the past.
All i have is now.
My heart beating fast as i bare myself.
Open chest, open heart, open love.

Yours to do with as you will.
Yours to conquer and destroy.
You are my salvation and damnation.
You are the dark night and I the moon.
Only together are we complete.
Fade into me as i sink into your abyss.

I want to touch you.
And every caress and kiss,
To leave their mark.

I want to Slip my lips up,
to whisper in your ear deeply
I put the spell on you
that has you craving to spread my legs
and get between them.
To Leave bite marks on my *******. Handprints on my ***.
The spell that has you hunger
for me to bend over and show you
My absolutely gorgeous perfect ***.

And when I am done.
You will crave only one girl.
I intend to use you very thoroughly.
Consume your thoughts
Infiltrate your desires.
I am the kind of possessive that will brand your soul.
And make you mine.

I still remember when you said.
That you wanted to freeze every moment.
Remember every minute with me.
Because I was who you wanted by your side.
The best person you ever knew.
And you were in love with me.

I remember the first time.
You came into my apartment.
Christmas of 2018.
You said you hated that I was alone.
That you would make sure I was never alone again.
I thought to myself, I wish he was mine.

I remember loving you.
Being loved by you.
A vortex, a promise, a dance.
There is no ocean I wouldn't cross for you.
But you threw that away.
Walked out the door and never looked back.

I remember thinking I had forever.
But now I remember all those hours
Spent under your spell.
And I'm thinking I was meant to love you then.
But it wasn't real.
I remember us.
Just like a dream.

I have made love to you in my mind so many times
Have kissed your lips countless times.
Feel you everytime I close my eyes.
I will always love you.
Deeper than I ever did anyone.
And even if we can't be together.
You are forever mine.

He loved you once.
You thought it was forever.
You needed to know you were whole.
Maybe it wasnt the love you needed.
He said 'we were meant to be'.
You strung that up with the stars,
Made it your world.

And now you watch him love another.
Give her the same words he did you.
Make her his orbit.
Dance around her like a moth to a flame.
You tried didnt you? To hold on.
To make him love you again.
You thought if you changed he would stay.
You thought you needed to be what he needed.

No one loves you like you need.
So you make up these stories in your head.
Of how deserving you are.
You needed to feel something.
Besides the pain.
So you let him weave a lie.
Atleast the idea of love didnt hurt.

You're reeling. Crumbling. Crying.
All you see is him happy without you.
You werent enough.
No one can love you.
You're a mess.
But you wont let the story end.
You're not the heroine of a tragedy.

And so you make a pact.
Never to love.
Never to give someone power over you again.
You will make it on your own.

I'm watching you on a loop.
You, me, her. Repeat.
I love you, I love her.
I'm with you.  No I'm with her.
And I can't tear my eyes away.
From the inevitable crash.
I know it's going to hurt.
But I'm powerless to stop myself.
From needing you, wanting you.
Casting you as prince charming.
I'm the princess who one day finds love.
Except they don't tell you its fluid.
He wont love you forever.
He wont want to stay.
He was looking for a right now,
And you're stuck in forever.
Together, you are a whimsical dream.
You're a patchwork of scars that are sewn.
He is the thread that keeps your Frankenstein tied.
And when he goes, you will unravel.
Into the abyss.

The cracks are getting bigger,
The pieces of me lost
To people who never cared.
People who said I love you
and please and thank you.
But tore my heart to shreds.

The spaces between my dreams and reality
Become bigger and greater.
The thought of you laughing
And loving someone else.
Breaks my strength to bits.

I'm crawling to the place
Where I can live again.
But it feels like twirling in circles.
Where i dont know which way is home.
How do I break this pattern?
How do I stop hurting?

All I know is the echoes of your name
Brings me to tears.
The ghost of your touch.
Makes me ache.
I wish i never met YOU.

It feels like falling is the only thing i know how.
And I'm broken on the inside
Playing a refrain
That starts with you...
And ends in you...

Let go. Let me go so i can fly.
But when i walk out the door
My legs bring me back to you.
Just when we were starting to dance
You changed the song.

And im stuck.
Stuck on that part where you say
I want to be with you.
Stuck on the moment where i said yes.
And now you say its not real.
And my heart breaks.
Because i was holding on to you.
The strings are a little too deep.

I could probably recite the names of all the people i loved who hurt me and i wear their taste like stale food in my mouth.

Jacob who wanted intense and then broke me because turns out he didnt know what it meant.

Stephanie who wanted me to watch her husband take all the things she never gave to me even when i begged. I still see her wrack up my regrets.

Natalie who left when i needed her, after promising that we were a team and she wanted whatever form forever took.

Keith who robbed me. My dreams, my future, my peace of mind, my cash and card too.

Walter who said i was the one. Turns out the one is a diversion when marriage or the bar get tedious.

Joshua who was my first love but flew into fits of jealousy everytime i turned heads

Ken who didnt care no matter how much i wanted him to. He took my virtue my idea of love and turned it to apathy.

Some nights i feel their voices in my head telling me i was not enough, i will never be enough.

I drown them out with my tears, music and heartache until they are just an aftertaste of regrets in my memories.

Something about the beat of her heart
Reminded her that she was alive
was that thrill she felt or was it terror?

Something about his eyes
reminded her of a hunter watching prey
she couldn't look away from him.

Something about how he cared
reminded her that she was fragile
he cared more than she wanted him to
He pushed her beyond her defenses.

Something about the way he said no.
reminded her that it was his choice
If she lived or died,
if she was going to be happy
it all depended on when he said yes.

Something about the way he made love to her
reminded her that she was a part of him
he owned her, controlled her, took her
he didn't ask, just took. And she gave.
Over and over and over until they lost themselves.

Something about this,
reminded her of that.
They were soulmates.
They were starcrossed lovers.

But you see me,
even when i close my eyes
when i forget my face.

And you know me,
even when i don't know who i am,
when i forget my name.

You hear me,
even when my words get stuck,
when i forget my voice.

You find me,
even when I am lost
when i forget my way.

You feel me,
even when i am numb.
when i forget my senses.

You love me,
even when i am a mess
when i forget myself.

I never knew what loneliness was,
until I found myself trapped by these walls.
Powerless, prisoner to my wants, needs, and desires.
Cursed with the knowledge of what I wanted,
but unable to do anything to get it or free me.

The archangel came in that day unexpectedly.
On a wretched Sunday evening;
when all she had done was cry
and feel sorry for herself.

They circled each other warily,
like wolves who just met and
are trying not to trespass on each others territory.

Aren’t you going to say hello? She asked.
In a moment, he replied, I’m looking at you.
Why? She threw back. Certainly took you long enough to visit again.
How have you been, he asked?
I have nothing new to say, she replied.

Michael looked at her, quiet.
Arent, you going to kiss your love hello? She asked.
If I start I won't stop. He said.
And so what? She asked.

Michael wrapped his arms around her,
pressing his lips lightly on hers.
She kissed him deeply,
tongue sliding into his mouth.
She pressed closer against him.
He pulled her in by her waist,
fusing to her body.
Tasting her, inhaling her, touching her,
watching her, listening to her, knowing her.
His soul soaring.


He held her and asked, What do you see?
Everything. Nothing.
All I see is you.
You are everything.

Wrong, he whispered.

There is nothing without US.

She stared into his eyes.
I ******* missed you, Athena.

Finally. She said. And then broke down into tears.
He turned her around; Let it out love, let it out.
I missed you so **** much. She cried
And you came here with your walls high up.
I feel locked out. I feel alone. She said.
No walls that others don’t put up around me.
You have the only key, use it.

I shouldn’t be here right now,
I came in to make sure you were ok
and just to inhale you.

Don’t ever withhold your love from me.
kiss me like the world is on fire
and we don’t ******* care.

Understand one thing.
This addiction will **** me.
I am just trying to postpone death. He said.

She whispered, I can't breathe without you.
He tilted his head, looking into her. I am the air you breathe.
She whispered. You are.
He wrapped his arms around her,
slipping her onto her back.

Hovering over her.
His wings spread out, white and beautiful.
He moved down slowly,
kissing her sincerely and lovingly.
letting his tongue press into hers,
his hand on her hip.
His heart flowing into her.

She said you have no idea how much I needed that.
She kissed him lovingly,
tasting his steadfast devotion.
She took his heart with its steady beats and gave him hers,
beating erratically. She held his face lost in his spell.

He opened his eyes to drink in every ray of light bouncing off his woman’s exquisite body.
She looked back,
absorbing every emotion on his face.

I have never loved like this before. He said.
Ever? She asked.
Ever. He said.
He kissed her passionately, wantonly, hotly.

How have we lived without each other for centuries?
I can’t take the agony, She said.
We have never been apart, in our hearts. He replied.
She kissed him fiercely, stripping away his soul and body,
loving him desperately.
I have never loved this way either she sighed.

No human has, he responded.
We are not human. We never were. She said.
He held her close. if I asked you to stay like this, with me.
Just like this, would you?
For how long? She asked.
Forever. He said.

She pulled him tight against her. Stay.
Try to tear me off you. He said.

Why do you still love me more than anyone else Michael?
I know you have had other lovers, other lives;
I know you have been on different planes throughout time. However, your heart pulls me.
Every single moment of every day.
Eventually, the pull will be the end of me.

I love you for following me throughout time.
For coming here to my prison to visit me.
For letting me find me and be me.
And for pulling me close until I can't breathe
each time you see me.
I worship you, my goddess, he whispered.
I need you. Always and forever, she said.

I have to go, he said after a while.
She kissed him tenderly,
missing him already.
Be well, and be safe.
Stay in love.
I am in this with you.
He kissed her forehead sweetly and vanished.

It has been 6 years,
since I left.
6 years since i shut off the voices.
I thought silence would drown them,
that solitude would fix me,
that love would prevail.

Today, i gave in.
Returned to the darkness,
and the pain which is an old friend.
Today I am me,
goddess of war and pain.
and lovingly in my demons embrace.

Its been a hundred days,
I cant say I have kept count.
Its a little hard to hold on to reality when what feels feel falls apart.

Its been 100 or so hours. Honestly the days and hours seem a little too familiar.
they are on first name basis already.
I can't say what bothers me more.
That I can't remember, or don't mind not remembering.

When did this become an easy to forget thing.
A thing where I don't care whether you are here or not.
It took forever to get you out of my head,
I didn't even realise I was doing it till I realised I didnt care.
Here. There. Together. Apart.
It all felt the same.

Its been a minute. 100 minutes.
Not that am counting, I don't see the point.
It was just clear I couldnt wait to start my new life,
those plans didnt involve you.

I hope you dont take it the wrong way but for me its over.
If i did this it would be because I don't want to be alone.
I was alone with you anyway.
Just so we are clear it is your fault.
You did this to us. Now I am past your crazy and aint no turning back.

I have been chasing dreams,
Of you and me.
Chasing the ghost of something that could be.
Hoping that somehow, someday,
I will wake up to you again.
Sometimes as i sleep I forget what part is real and what is a dream.
I relive being with you, loving you.
And I wonder if it would always end this way.
Were you always meant to destroy me?
Or did I drive you to this?
Did my dreams somehow escape before I could wake up and watch them come true?
With you, I need a thousand deep breaths before I hope;
That we were real.
That you loved me.
You were my dream catcher.
And somehow you slipped away.

The first time we said hello,
It brought me close to joy.
I remember falling for you,
You were all i needed.

The last time we spoke,
Is when i last felt alive.
You were everything to me,
Even though i didnt know you.

Everytime i close my eyes,
You are all i see.
Cant you see i miss you?
I feel so lost without you.

Your eyes hold the intensity of a thousand suns,
and when you look at me that way,
like you can't believe am all yours,
it gives me butterflies.
I look into your eyes and am blinded by what I see,
the depth of what you feel for me.
It takes all my effort not to bolt cause I know there is no turning back.
What I feel for you, there is no undoing it.
Its more like something that grew on me and is now part of me.
You cant unravel things like that.
I pray that what I feel won't lead me down the road to hurt and pain.

When you hold me so tenderly and kiss me,
feels like I am going to burn up.
The feelings burn their way down my body,
lighting me up like a flame for you.
You trail your hands gently down my cheek and i get shivers,
Can't you see am burning for you?
you are my sun all molded to fit me like a shadow.

I remember when I used to read to escape,
Losing myself in words that laughed and danced and played.
I was young.
I found a life I could stand.

I remember falling asleep with my head buried in a book.
I dreamed of heroes and heroines.
I guess fantasy made a better bed fellow.
I built my notions of romance at her footstool.
Falling in love the surreal dream come true.

I remember writing my first lines,
I couldnt tell verse from paragraph.
I wrote myself a lifeline.
Wove something that wasnt ugly or tainted.
I had something to bleed out the pain,
With ink stains instead of bruises and cuts.

I remember trying to change my story.
No one told me however good you write you can't do your own story.
So am peering out of my fears and thinking what good is this gift if all it does is create a bridge to run away but I end up smack in the middle of where I left?

Right now when its dark and quiet,
I stay up and think of you.
Not cause I want to.
It is what I was meant to do.
By fate or whatever deemed it fit that I be yours.
I have no will to leave.
Can't even think of a life without you.
Nights like this i watch movies hopping to be lulled to sleep.
But instead they bring tears to my eyes.
Sad sweet stories that make me wish you spoilt me.
Things planted into my subconscious that I want.
I want you to love me,
Need you to hold me every night.
I miss your smile.
Think of you looking at me like am the center of your world.
I hate nights when you aren't here.
I can't sleep.

The walls breathe out memories of
you,
From when you were last here.
They sigh the words you never said,
They moan from touches remembered
How come you don't touch me like
you used to?
Did I change or did you change?
it was moments like this which built
us,
Stolen kisses and hours when we couldnt spare time.
Regrets over ugly words said.
I guess what am trying to say is this;
I miss you.
My bed feels so large without you.
I need you.
Somehow my heart cant beat without you.
I love you.
Won't you make an honest woman out of me?

Marry me

He said he wanted to marry me.
I asked why?
I said I wasnt good enough to fit the bill.
He asked why birds sing.
I guess neither of us knows why he is here.
I pushed him away.
He rammed his way into my life and
refused to leave.
Instead he built pyramids on my insecurities and fortified them.
He trapped me in a lie.
He brought my dreams half way awake.
Now all that is left are shattered shells.
I thought we would be married this week.
But guess you have a reason not to.
Worst part is I dunno if its me or you that saw a way out.

I wrote a poem for our daughter,
On the day we lost her, but I still had you.
It seemed like nothing would keep us apart.
I loved you, you loved me.
We thought that was enough.
But you didnt love me enough to change.
I couldnt love you any longer as you hurt me.
If you loved me you wouldnt break me, i thought.
Yet somehow i feel i gave up on us.
Do you blame me?
For not being able to take any more pain?
I blame you.
For not fighting for me.
Maybe you thought i wouldnt leave.
But i can't forgive you.
For being indifferent.
Only time you let me see your heart was the day we lost her.
Even that feels like a part played,
Hurts to doubt myself cause you were too busy to show me what was real and what wasn't.

Somehow it hurts so much,
To breathe.
To think.
To live.
You took the parts that were mine and corrupted them.
Everypart protests at having to work without you.
Each minute drags as though gasping for a fresh start.
I miss you.
From when i wake.
Every hour my eyes stay apart.
I miss your smile, your touch.
It hurts more than i ever imagined.
Somehow i lived before you,
But now i cant remember how to.
I need you yet i pushed you away.
You were dredging the last bits of my sanity out.
I need to find a part of me you didnt take.
I wish i could unlove you and forget giving myself to you.
It has been my undoing.
And now i am sinking in the abyss of your absence.
You broke me.
The tiny parts you linked together.
Now all that's left are regrets that masquerade as my life.

I knew I was lost the first time you kissed me.
You held me so close and I knew you were my last.
My heart stopped a bit, then fluttered to catch up with yours.
I wanted more but wasnt ready to let go of my inhibitions.
Something so pure turned bitter pretty soon.
Your insecurities and mine too drove us apart.
Seeing your name gives me pain,
Cause you were my all and I want that to end.
You broke me into pieces that can't be fixed.
And I need you yet I dont want to;
I want you yet I shouldnt.
I can't stop loving you.
Why wont you leave my heart?

Scars

One. If I could, I would nail these hands to the edges of sky. I would sacrifice this body to the earth, hoping to resurrect someone that doesnt have the heart to  care about you anymore.

Two. Staple me to a table. Pierce my side with your broken promises and I will bleed all the pathetic reasons why you deserve one more chance.

Three. Loving you was the last thing that I put my all into.

Four. You wanna know how I got so bitter? Well, I ripped every last piece of you in my heart and soul and all that remained was regrets that you didn't care.

Five, I whispered you into my dreams.

Six, I spoke you into my heart.

Seven, I dipped my hands in a future that didnt exist, I touched you until you were imprinted on my very soul, treated you as if you were the only molecule of oxygen I needed ; I was good to you.

Eight. You wanna know how I got these scars? Well, I cut out my pride and then it crawled it’s way out of my mouth and I begged you to make me happy.

Nine, I realized that I was never really your girlfriend, I was just your ******* convenient-temp.

Ten, I hope your next girlfriend gets stds.

Ten, Yes I said stds.

Ten, I really hate you.

ten, I never want to see you again.

ten, I still love you. Wish I didn't.

ten, it’s hard for me to keep count when I get emotional.

Ten I heard that over 90% of human interaction is not verbal..so.. I guess the signs were right. You don't want me. You don't need me.

Ten, if I could, I would tie your arms to a wish and then auction you off to my best and worst memories. To the random girl who will start dating my ex boyfriend two days after we broke up (yes, I know you're going to move on real fast.)
When I realized that you were in a relationship with the one guy that I thought I would someday spend the rest of my life with, I broke into a million pieces. I said to myself, “Kevin Hart would say he wasn't man enough for you. Or you weren't good enough for him."
I swore I would never love again, it was all a joke to you. Some twisted game you won.

One: Everytime I see you with girls in a picture, I want to take my entire arm, shove it inside your phone and smack the happiness right off of your face.

Two, if I ever see you around me, I’m probably going to punch you in the throat. Or forget I ever knew you.

Three, I apologize in advance. And I know, I know that it makes no sense to have this much anger toward a man that I love with every bit of me,but my definition of love isnt being stabbed in the heart over and over as you watch me bleed out and hope that this time it won't hurt. There is nothing
logical about putting the most important parts of yourself inside hands that can't support you and shake, tremble, and drop you.

Four, there is nothing rational about love. Love freaking hurts. It lies. It leaves you wishing you had never met the person who makes you fall over and over and breaks you till you are a mess that can't be fixed.

Five, you're ******* irresponsible, and I’m tired of you using me for target practice.

Six, I was told that time heals all wounds. But what exactly should I do on days when it feels like my clock stopped cause you're gone?

Seven, you always said I loved you too much. My mistake.

Eight, I think I’ve seen you somewhere in her dreams. Like I’ve heard you talking to her and being happy together in her laughter. I’ve smelled your cologne on her thighs. Cause am sure you will be all over her like you can't be for me. I bet if we dusted your heart for fingerprints, we would only find hers. I wasnt the love of your life.Nine, you see I have this envelope in my head and heart.it’s full of all the butterflies I felt the first time you touched me, kissed me, admitted you loved me. It's full of memories for when I thought we had a future. Most of them are still alive. I can still feel their wings through the paper. Guess it's my hope. Here, am giving them back to you. I suppose they belong to you, too.

I want to come home to you.
To come and walk into your waiting arms.
To lie with you and tell you about my day,
Get you to talk about yours.

I want somewhere to call home.
A place where I can feel safe.
It's only around you where I relax and let go,
You could say you're my happy spot.

I want to end my days with you,
Wake up with you.
Know that you are coming to me each day.
Let's build a home together.

It's been 10 hours since we broke up,
I still can't bring myself to admit it's for real.
You said you want me out of your life and I didnt even put up a fight.
I simply bowed out and left you.
See am tired of fighting for this;
Of telling you am for real.
Proving myself to you and yet you still question me.
Tired of your interrogations,
Of answering for what I do and say.
I knew you were the one and I gave it all to you.
But I still wasn't enough.
So i guess this is it.
All I have left are regrets.
Gosh I wish I could block you out and the pain.
It's tearing me apart that I cant text you, call you, hug you.
I will always love you.
Just you.
I meant those words.

I let you see me.
Not just my hair and clothes but all of me.
You saw into me and underneath my facade.
My insecurities and scars.
You told me I was perfect.
You're a liar.

How could you take that intimacy and turn it into an instrument of torture?
Did you wake up mean and cruel or maybe I just ignored the signs?
That you were shallow.
And you only cared what your friends thought.
You're a liar.

You wove beautiful fantasies of you and I eloping.
You told me I was in line with your destiny,
You were open and persuasive,
I fell for every bit of it.
I forgot.
That you're a liar.

I thought you had more to offer,
A life of happiness together.
But you're all wrong for me,
Someone else's model trying to make me into something less than I am.
I should never have tried.
Cause you're a liar.

I want the kind of love that's seen in movies.
Where you sweep me off my feet in a whirlwind affair.
I want you to serenade me with coldplay songs and buy me roses to apologize for hurting me.
I want you to run all the way to my place in the middle of the night just cause you realized you can't go another second without me.
I need you to tell me what you feel without holding back.
But guess it's meant to be a whimsical wish,
You just don't care enough to make me happy.

It's day 67 and I don't have you.
But am not falling apart.
Cause 279 days ago you swept me off my feet.
I thought I had found my soulmate,
The person I would spend my life with.
Instead you turned out to be a fluke.
You abused me and used me,
Spun me a web of destruction and pushed me off the edge.
You turned me into someone I regret.
Someone i look into the mirror and cringe from.
I don't want to be the girl who forces you to be in my life,
Or the girl who makes you leave.
You give me no choice.
I have to push you or be hurt.
I choose me.

Nobody warns you about the first boy that will break your heart.
But even if they did, what words would make it okay for him not to love you anymore?
Would it prepare you to let go when you realise love just isn't enough?

Nobody warns you of the cold nights when you can't stop thinking about him.
And the hollow pit in your chest when he doesn't pick up your calls.
Did he get someone else so soon after you?
Will today be the day when his bed smells like someone else?

Nobody warns you that it will hurt till you can't breathe.
That you will feel your world crashing around you and not be able to stop it.
Nobody warns you that you lose a part of you forever when he walks out on you.

What if I told you I was going to hurt you so bad you couldn't bear to live?
That I would creep into your heart,
Make myself a home there,
Then walk out on you one day.
Would it make it easier if you knew I was going to leave?
Or would it just hurt you more knowing this wasn't real.

What if I told you I loved you so much I couldn't bear to let you go?
But I trampled on you and left you bruised.
So bad- you couldn't heal.
Would you forgive me for not being able to love you the way you deserve?
Or would it take out the candle burning for me?

What if I told you that this was all wrong?
You loving me, me loving you.
That it wouldn't last past a moment.
If that moment was all we had,
Would you love me more or less?
Tell me something a little nicer,
Or push me farther away?

What if we could make this work?
What if you didnt make me cry myself to sleep everynight?
What if this was all a bad dream and we could wake up married with kids?
I wish fate was a coin I could spin and get happily ever after.

Ever felt your heart breaking?
It's a sharp pain that starts in your sides and squeezes out all your joy.
It's that feeling where you can't breathe cause they took your air.
It's when you can't stop crying cause someone took your feelings hostage and abused them.
It's when you love someone and they don't love you back.
They take you for granted and break you till you lose yourself.
Tell me would you still believe in love?
Or would you just let it go and pray for numbness.
Blessed reprieve from the pain, thoughts and regrets.
Maybe you should have taken better care and not fallen before you were sure he was the one.
You settled for Mr. Maybe and tried to change him.
You did this to yourself,
Got yourself broken cause you didnt wait for what you deserved.

The only thing worse than being alone,
is being with you.
Coz I spend all day telling myself you're busy,
And all night convincing myself you aren't busy.
Either way I never see you.

How hard is it to pick up the phone and say 'babe I miss you.'
But you can call to ask where am at? Who am with?
What are you, my parole officer?

I try so hard to be what you want,
Tripping over my feelings so as not to tread on yours.
But you humiliate me,
Insult me and ignore me.

It hurts!!!!
I cry myself to sleep at night holding out for a hug that won't come.
I long for you to put aside your animosity and tell
me you need me.
I tremble when I get the shakes from withdrawal cause am hooked on your love.
I wish you could just put yourself in my shoes and tell me,
Would you stay or leave?

I look at you and see someone I have never met.
You could walk away and wipe my name off your heart.
I reach out and touch empty space,
Cause you aren't here.
You act like you are but you aren't.
Tell me, do you still love me?

Fall in love too easily,
Date someone you aren't sure loves you back.
Watch them crumple your feelings like tissue and
throw it in the can.
Let them in some more so they can rid you of
every hope and dream you ever had.
And then let them leave you,
Cause you don't deserve to be loved.
Let them define you and insult you,
Tell you how worthless you are.
Listen to how they settled for you,
And no one can love you cause you're damaged.
Believe them.
Who would want to love you?
You're little pieces of a bunch of things,
none of which fit right together.
You are weak and desperate.
You don't deserve love.
You're nothing but a test drive.

You just lost the best thing you ever had and you
don't even know it.
I hope it hurts you every moment of everyday.
A numb inescapabale pain.
I want it to keep you up with what ifs and maybes late at night.
It should crawl under the covers with you and settle like a dead weight on your chest.
See I loved you with every piece of my heart.
You took all that as your due.
I could have done less but I gave you more,
Thinking you needed me too.
Am sorry that I gave you the best years of my life.
Even more sorry that I loved you.
That was my greatest mistake.
Loving someone who didn't need to be loved.

I was your one,You were her two.
It's weird how those things never work out
You are someone's life but you are too busy trying to find someone who makes you feel something. Someone every bit of you recognizes as yours.
Yours to love.
Yours to have.
All yours.
So you take it for granted that your his first thought,
You forget to let him know he is your last thought.
You just don't get that who you love won't love you back.
It's either love or be loved.