It feels strange when you talk about her,
Could be that I was used to being her.
The one you were supposed to love and spoil.
Instead you fought it every step of the way,
You let me down when I needed you.
Now you tell me how you took her shopping,
The little things you never got me.
How you get her the things that were supposed to be mine,
It feels like someone slept in my bed,
Wore my clothes and walked in my shoes.
Guess me leaving changed you,
Only for her to have the best parts.

I went from being the girl that guys like to look at,
to the girl they take home to meet mom.
You know how it goes,
out with the summer skirts and into floor sweep dresses.
Learning to home make and wear a facade.
The patient smile even when your boiling crazy,
the platitudes when your mind is a ring with sarcasm.
Now I don't have to change my walk, thank God for that,
just who I walk with and where I walk.
What can I say, am growing older.

If you let me love you,
I would make the gods jealous with my adoration.
Write you odes and sonnets from dusk to dawn,
serenade you with whispers of love.

If you let go of your inhibitions,
I could seep into your veins,
like a flood of warmth and desire,
take over your body and mind,
truly make you mine.

You see, I want to possess you,
like something I carved out of bark,
put you on a pedestal and worship you.
For you are truly divine.

Let me be the first thought you have when you wake,
the last if only before you fade.
I can be your world and it's trimmings,
Just say the word and am yours.

There is a place I go to sometimes,
it's a little hole that opens up when you need it.
It can be whatever you need it to be.
The balm for that pressing pain that squeezes your sobs out,
it is an in between place when you're falling apart.
See, time stops in that hole.
It lets you breathe.
And lets you live.
Somehow life isn't so sombre when you stop hurting.

It takes away the parts of you that are broken and gives you temps.
Isn't that what you needed?
To be fixed?
But see scotch tape and glue don't take away the scars.
The knowledge of things that can't be burn marks into you.
You grow into someone else that walks a little slower,
from knowing.
Once you discover something covering it up won't help.
So you're a little colder and a little more forlorn.
Innocence doesn't bind you anymore.

It's a whisper of hope when you feel lost,
a comforting hand when you feel alone.
It's a halfway place,
we all need one of those when our hearts fall in,
and the burden of feeling causes us to collapse in on ourselves.

And even though things have changed between us,
The love we once felt doesn't fade.
that love, that knowledge... that doesn't go away.
I wish I could unknow every curve of your face,
and every word you half speak then change your mind.
It would be easier if it did go away,
if I could hate you.
Maybe if we had fought more,
if there were hateful words you had said that I could recall in perfect clarity --
ugly words that I could throw at my reflection when I stood in front of the mirror.
See, it's probably my fault you didn't love me enough.
whenever I look at my reflection I wonder what was so wrong with me,
that our relationship fell apart.
That doesn't make it easier to forgive myself.
It might be easier if my heart didn't skip a beat every time I hear your name.

BUT, how many of us can say we did something ******* up for a love that didn't work out?
That we uprooted ourselves and turned into someone else.
I jumped and fell freely and ended up at rock bottom.
But I'm digging my way out one sad movie at a time.
Digging while my eyes sting with tears,
as my hands bleed,
as my clothes tear away.
And I'm trying really hard to not be embarrassed about failing.
It doesn't always work out, I knew that.
That didn't stop my heart from beating to the thuds of hope.
If only you were the one.
If only I could have been what you wanted and compromised some more.

Each time we break up I want to crawl into bed and never get out.
I analyze each part of me,
wondering what didn't fit into a part of you, why it couldn't fit.
I know it couldn't fit into a part of anyone else.
I think about my life,
berating myself at the bad choices.
I wonder if I was wrong -- maybe we weren't so bad?
Maybe that was as good as it gets?
Maybe I asked for too much?
Maybe I'm too idealistic and too crazy and I need to be more realistic and grab a hold of a man that will do.

But no,
I want a man that wants to make me happy.
A man that knows am everything he needs and isn't afraid.
I want you to be ready for me.
Don't run cause we always end up right here.
I want you.
Just you.
It's always only been you.

Today I felt it,
the fire in my veins that burns for you.
I wanted more and more.
You gave me you and I couldn't get enough.

Today we became one.
My soul coming apart as it met yours.
I shuddered to feel so close to you.
I was yours and you were mine.

I tried to walk away but you held me,
and I was undone when I looked into your eyes.
You were everything I wanted,
I  wanted time to stop for us.

Today I fell in love again,
You kissed me and I melted.
I love you more than ever.
Just don't ever let me go.

Why is it that with you I feel so lost?
Without you so alone.
I found pieces of myself in you,
But only you can put them together.
Nothing makes sense without you,
and yet in you am a mess.
A barely lucid air head.

I find myself looking for more.
It feels like a passing whim to be here,
and let you build me.
I dream of forever and a day,
I hope for hours in your embrace.

I am lost,
But you find me each time.
I cry for you,
and you hold me near.
I think its my curse,
and destiny too.
To need you.

No one said it would hurt this much,
the living and letting go of things you love.
See nothing lasts forever, that's just a dream.
Misty colored rainbow fading to pale gray.


They never taught me to shut out the whispers,
from bitter voices in my head that had had enough.
All i knew was reality was a sham,
covering up the peeling paint with patchwork.

I wrote the lessons in between the pieces,
but the words faded like star dust.
I made the same mistakes over and over,
and got myself broken like a worn out string.


So now am here tattered and frayed,
Piecing life together a day at a time.
I need to build a person that is whole,
so am starting to collect my emotions,
bind them with honesty and truth.
Am learning to accept imperfections,
and coat them with effort and good faith.
Am learning how to be human again.

I'm not okay without you,  because missing a moment of you is just too hard,
and because my whole world revolves around you; you could destroy me at any moment.
I keep going through your pictures as fast as my fingers will allow,
partially because I want to kiss your face, frozen in every moment.
and mostly because they're all perfect, and I can't pick just one I adore.
It hurts to see that you were happy before me, but then again you're happy now.
At least that's what I tell myself. You're happier with me.
Yes, it hurts to see you with someone else but that was before me.
I tell myself you're mine now.
That every fiber of you comes alive for me but I don't really believe that.
The notion of true love is romantic but the scientist in me won't believe;
that you never loved before me.
that you could give it all up for me.
That your life came to a stop and I walked right in the middle of it.
The pieces left from all my past selves are aching for you to touch me and love me,
for you to declare you want to make me whole again. They wait for you to fix me.
To pull me close in the center of your world and set me on a pedestal.
for this, I would give up anything. I've laid on my bed every night and wished for you.
everything I've seen since I met you has been a mere shadow of the actual representation.
My eyes are blurred by tears and fears, like what if you're just a dream meant to leave me alone.
I can wipe the tears away, but your memory lingers.it always comes back because it belongs here,
and I feel like I belong in your arms.
I hold on to you and you're tearing me apart.
I would die for you. Not an actual death,
but a little death where every part that knew you won't work without you.
Everyday, I would die, and everyday I do ,because I love you, I always have.
I have loved you not only in this life, but in all the past lives. See i didn't have to learn to love you.
My heart and soul and body were all in sync cause I was made for this;
to give you every part of me the way it was meant to be.
My body fits perfectly with yours like the missing piece.
I am yours, when you hold me. when you kiss me. and when you need me.
A part of me knows I will always be yours.
I was made to love you.

You're the man I could stare at and  say nothing,
because the type of nothing you have means everything.
You could break me over and over, and it always hurts like hell, but each time I heal is for you.
You come with me to my dreams where my soul meets yours.
I think I scare you, by revealing a love your mind could never fathom.
I dream of you,but you are so real you make my chest ache. with things I didn't know I needed,
till I met you. Things I only dreamt of now within my grasp.
I write of you because you fill my soul with words bursting to come out.
I see you and I can't speak, from beauty and pain piercing the insides of me.
I hold it all in and it flows out on paper.
I need you to live, breathe and be.

You make everything in this world matter more than it did, I've never loved  before,
and I've never missed a set of lips so much. That's why I'll always love you.
I do love you, more than anyone could love another, because I fell in love when we met.
I fell in love when you spoke to me and held me, and then I fell in love when you looked into my eyes.
The kind of love I only saw in farytales. I tried to walk away and your gravity pulled me back to you.
I nudged you awake when you slept cause I counted every hour I spent with you.
I fell in love with the way I love you, and a part of me can't give that up.
I fell for every part of you, one at a time, over and over I got ****** into your presence.
I gave myself to you and every part couldn't wait to be yours.
I am yours. Now and forever.

I tried to make him right for me,
see I believe in fairy tales and happy endings.
Maybe my Prince just needed a little nudge.
So i got all the wrong things about him,
and tied them up with a neat bow.

I was busy searching for love,
instead of waiting for it to come find me.
That was probably cupid I passed on the street,
I rushed by too fast for his arrow.
I played matchmaker for my lonely heart,
Got it all torn up in pieces.

I deluded myself into thinking I couldn't breathe,
I counted the seconds waiting for my heart to stop.
But it pumped on and on so slow,
It hummed to the sound of your name on my lips.
The name, that would make my heart skip a beat.
But now it just filled me with resolve to leave.
See I wasn't gonna cry another day over you.
Wasn't gonna die cause I couldn't have you.
I was going to learn to live.

I could have been with Mr. Right,
Instead I lay in bed alone, crying to the night.
Where did I go wrong? I tried to change him.
But he didn't want to be saved, he knew what it was.
A good time that I coated with love,
A relationship where he felt trapped.
See he was a free spirit and I the hunter,
I trapped him and tried to make him mine.

So am back to the point where it all began.
Finding my heart and starting it again.
I want to be the girl that makes someone stop,
the one you've been waiting for all your life.
No more Mr. Almost right for me,
Or Mr. Close enough to right.
I'm gonna wait for you, I know you're looking for me.

I was born on November 30th , I hear that makes me a Saggitarius.
I dunno what that means.
I  know how to swim, and I'm a sucker for a guy with a nice smile
And nice words.

I'm still learning how to whisper sweet nothings
I'm often loud at times when I should be quiet
I'm often quiet at times when I should be loud
I keep holding back or letting it all out at the wrong time.

I like sweet drinks... a lot.
I've been told that I give pretty bad hugs
People say that it feels like I'm trying to escape
Well I don't like letting people close.
Especially close enough to hear me breathe.

I have this odd fascination with things like time machines and technology,
I assume it's because I like to figure out how things work and fix them.
Am the same way with people, like to know what's coming before it does.
Love usually lasts a few moments,
That's also why I tend to fall in love with men
Who would never love me back
I know it sounds crazy, but it's actually much saner than it seems
And to be honest, I think it's safer that way
See relationships, they often remind me that I'm not afraid of letting go.
But I'm scared of what's gonna happen
The moment that my body hits the ground
I'm clumsy. I usually trip when am following my feelings.
I landed on my pride and it shattered like a mirror i check daily.
Now I can't even tell who's trying to give me a compliment
or just trying to get into my pants.

I've never been into martial arts but I have all these bruises,
I got from beating myself up over things I can't fix
I know it sounds weird but sometimes,
I wonder what the voices in my head say when am asleep.
I wonder what the doors would do if they found out
About all the things that I've done when they are closed.
I've got a trash can that's overflowing with really, really obnoxious mistakes
And a dump site in my closet with all the skeletons.
You'll trap me in a corner and insist I get help.

Hi, my name is Em,
I enjoy ice cream and yoghurt, people watching
And figuring out how to make them work.
I allow myself to cry more than I need to,
from letting all the wrong people in.
I have solar-powered energy, I have a battery-operated heart,
It flickers and dies from overuse.
My hobbies include rewriting my life story, hiding behind poems,
And trying to convince myself that I do matter to someone.
I don't know much, but I do know this
I know that if you don't have standards,
you won't be treated right and be happy.
I know God is still reworking my faults and flaws,
I'm a unique work in progress.

I think am just a little needy...
Waiting for you to come home.
But I can't think straight without you,
here next to me.
I need you to love me,
and give me all of you.
Or I fall to pieces waiting for you to pick me up.
It feels like I can't even breathe which is stupid.

I tried holding back,
Fell flat on my back.
Cause it's you I need to help me up.
Am letting go of my hang ons,
Cause I know I need you to live.

You took a shovel and dug out the feelings i had left inside,
You took away my bubble and left an empty pit in it's place.
Am reeling from everything supposed to be there which isn't.
My heart beats yet it's mimicking motions of living.
My chest heaves taking in breaths,
Letting out frustration.
I know I said I let go but guess am a liar.
Or just a fool.
Cause I walked away and expected you to stay.
I turned my back and when you did too the tie between my destiny and yours snapped.
Didn't expect it to hurt as much though.
Like being torpedoed and crushed.
I passed by where we used to hang out,
Got hit in the face by a pair of ***** so big my heart stopped.
Dunno if it's cause I feel i can't compete with that, or maybe am just selfish.
Either way you won.
Couldn't do right by me.
And you got someone you are doing it all for.

Lying in my bed late at night,
And my thoughts feel strange,
Knocking against each other in a scramble to get away.

6 months ago, I lost my way.
I fell for you and it's never been the same.
I lie to myself that it was 6 months,
But really it's been longer.

100,000 miles away from everything,we met.
At a friend's place when you came by.
I remember forgetting to think when I saw you.
I blocked you out cause I couldn't have you.

I fell when I saw you first.
Keep wondering when I will see you last.
You're too good to be true,
I can't seem to stop loving you.
Believe me I have tried.
Cause you scare me.
With how I lose myself when you hold me,
And how I can't stay mad at you.
You tease me into smiling at you.
And never let me go.

100,000 miles away from you tonight,
I hear the raindrops on the rooftop.
It sounds like you too far away,
Faint and insistent.
I want you here in my bed.
Your bed reminds me of the last thing we were good at.
My bed feels too big without you.

You're so far away.
When all I want is to hold you.
Whisper in your ear how much I love you.
We have been through milestones together.
100,000 ways we could have broken up.
But you say you want to stay.
I know I couldn't go on without you.
We could walk 100,000 miles to make this work.
Just don't ever walk away, I love you.

You weren't ready to love me.
Lord knows I tried.
To make you feel,
To blow your mind,
To show you the moves to make.
You can't teach love with faltering steps,
Your wavering gaze moved me to tears.
You cut out my heart, piece by piece
and fed it to the wolves running wild.
You can't love before you feel,
You were too scared to let me hold you.
You didn't want my kind of love.

There is a place where lovers meet,
Under an archway, twined in stone.
A solace for pain and hope,
They need to feel all is not lost.
The bridge is narrow, flimsy and halfway gone.
Paving a way for only those who dare.
They say those who kiss beneath the moonlight on that bridge,
Will find true love.

I found my love,
And waited for the star crossed lovers blessing.
I pined and cried and prayed,
For a way to be together.
We met in the center of compromise,
And still it wasn't enough.
The bridge heaved and swayed,
Moaned from the weight of a heart made heavy from unrequited love.
It sighed and gave way,
Couldnt hold the hopes of thousands anymore.

The scary thing about dating is that you want something so badly,
Then when you get it you're confused.
See you want forever but the thought of forever freaks you out.

You can imagine being married, spending time together but mostly you wonder what happens when it's over.
You can't think of starting over without them, of forgetting them,
Of learning to be yourself again without filling your hours with them.

We imagine a relationship as a fairytale thing where you are together, understand each other.
The kind of love you find exactly when you need it and it wraps around you like a blanket and keeps you content.  
Instead the right person could come at the wrong time and we question whether they are the one.
You question if the timing really is the problem or if something is wrong with you for looking a gift horse in the mouth.

You want to talk for hours and not get bored but instead you feel self conscious,
Like maybe you're not that interesting.
You want to be all over each other but instead you fight about everything.
You think it will be ok but it gets worse and scares you.
You wonder if you are wrong for
each other.

He said he would love you and wanted to have a future with you. But you felt smothered like maybe he wanted someone available and not who you were.

Your fear magnifies into paranoia. What if it isn't enough? This love you thought would carry you through everything and suddenly its a void.
You need him and you wonder if he would understand if you told him.

And you begin to think that maybe its you who is messed up. You want too much too soon, you're too afraid to be happy.

Maybe it's time to let go of all that and let him love you. You can't plan falling in love.

I turn my back,
A little slower than I should.
My head tells me to leave,
My brain lectures me,
My conscience taunts me.
But somehow my heart still stutters,
You see, you became a part of me,
And It's hard to lose a part of myself.

Dear You,
I regret coming to see you on that fateful day.
You see, If I hadn't come to your place,
We wouldn't be stuck in a rut.

Dear You,
I wrote you a letter but its illegible,
You see,my tears spilled and mixed with the ink,
My shaking hand crumpled and tore the paper,
My thoughts folded in on themselves like a deflated ball.

Dear You,
Falling for you was the most painful thing I ever did.
I fell flat on my face and hurt my chest.
My heart pounded over and over,
I got the shakes like a reforming addict,
But still you wouldn't leave my system.

Dear You,
It's pretty hard to unknow someone that imprinted on you.
You are woven into my nerves, memories and thoughts.
You took me captive and I can't break free.

You destroyed me.

Dear You,
Teach me to forget you.
Unfurl your web from my every thought process.
See,I was okay without you once.
And I can learn to be without you.

They tell us to listen to our hearts.
No one teaches us,
What the beats mean.
Whether the skips in between are ok.

They say follow your heart.
They don't teach us to follow its footprints.
Or read a map.
It's easy to lose yourself following faint tracks,
And end up lost and alone.

They don't tell you the heart leaps before it thinks,
No one ever dared question the silence.
It doesn't speak before it beats,
There are a million voices in the silence,
Asking you to take care.
It beats on and on even when you're dying,
It goes on.

I can write about my pain in lines,
Black mascara running down my cheeks with tears,
Needles piercing my nerves with stabs,
It hurts to think of you and what you did.
By not being there,
Not loving me.
Not needing me.

I was good to you.

You took my heart and twisted it,
Tucking it between a rock and hard place.
It was beating but bruised,
Shaking and shivering.
You cut it out while it still beat.
And wore it on your sleeve.

I can write of this pain in ink,
Bleeding my heart out on paper.
Writing you into my memories,
Writing you out of my subconscious.
And yet you're an inkstain on my paper and thumb.
You linger in the lines left behind.

You have become an illusion,
Weaving round my senses like smoke,
Curling and drifting, teasing my memories.
Was it real when you laced your fingers through mine?
Squeezed mine as if to reassure me.

I want to bleed out all the things I felt.
Trickles of darkness and hope,
That it would get better.
The days it did get better and i thought it was over.
But we remained in a rut,
Trapped, broken, hurting.

I wish I could push my hand through your chest,
Hammer your heart till you feel again.
Tie you to your favorite memories,
Until you remember what we had.
But forcing you to remember scalds,
Leaving wounds I can't heal.

So am going to write you away,
With words and verse and prose.
Write you to infinity and beyond.
Trap you between pages of a book,
seal your essence in something beyond you.
So I can purge myself of you.

There are many firsts,
a first date.
A sloppy wet first kiss.
A first boyfriend or girlfriend.
Things you wish you could store up in a snowball.
To trap them in a place where time has no power.
Still. Frozen. Kept like figurines.

Time seems stretched out like a string,
Taut and endless, spiraling into knots and tangles.
We take what we can get.
It might be the last smile on our face.
Happy ever after,
Or the end of all we know.

So many lasts sprinkled like salt on salads,
The last time you ever saw a loved one's face.
Last time you loved.
It could be the last heartache,
But you would never know.

Time is but a lifeline to present and past.
It can be snatched right out of your hands.
Gone as fast as lightning,
Too powerful to contain in any vessel.
Time can be everything and also nothing.

Is this what it means to love?
The pain that goes through my chest when I can't see you.
The tears I choke back when you hurt me,
Cause somehow it hurts more when you watch
me.
The pounding of my heart when you say my name.
The mixed feelings and confusion.
How come I can't smile without you?
And yet I cry night after night,
Cause you didn't love me the way i feel I deserve.
Somehow there is more pain with you than without.
And yet I can't see myself being here without you.
You complete me.
Jagged pieces of your imperfect character fit right where I need them to.
This must be love.

I lead my troops into battle,

Fighting our way through the enemy lines,

pushing back our fears and screams,

hoping that way we can breathe.

War isn’t something you can keep boxed away.

I feel the chaos around me,

confusion tugging me here and there.

I am worn and spent,

from the ravages of war.



I can feel the tears run down my cheeks.

You see, I am scared.

That I will open my eyes and nothing will be there.

Scared of losing everything I love.

The things I hold dear,

won’t always be near.;

I cower and hide from my demons,

Hoping they will play nice.

I stand tall and bring my weapons,

hoping to ward off the enemy.

It’s harder when I realise its within.

I am waging this war with myself.

Who I was, who I want to be,

It’s all blurred up in there.

Being me is a war with myself,

I keep thinking the other shoe will drop,

Before am completely lost.

You ask me why all I do is love,
yet all it does is hurt.
You don't see that its a facet,
of pain, smiles and tears.
Love isn't something you need to
breathe.
But breathing hurts when you don't feel.
It is embedded in your DNA,
Somehow we love or are loved.

I packed a box in my head,
With my pain and tears.
I shut it and sealed it,
With strength and resolve.
I left it to gather dust,
From neglect and abandonment.
If I didn't think about it maybe it wouldn't feel real.
Instead the pain burst out through the seams,
The box lay in tatters with the edges of my mind.
You can't feel happiness without pain,
The two are what make you feel alive.

Am not sorry for the times I stood up for myself.
That was your job and yet you left me all alone.
Waiting,
Always waiting.
For you.
For me.
Somehow we never met halfway,
All the tears I shed hoping you would change your mind.
That you would have my back just once.
Instead I had to hold myself together so I wouldn't break.
I learnt to breathe on my own.

You are the need that echoes back to me.

Somehow I find myself here again,
At your mercy.
Will you embrace me or shun me?
Draw me close like a wrap you wear.
You and I fit like pieces meant to be,
The dot to my words,
The need in my soul.
I call to you,
You echo back my cries.
And it all makes sense,
We fit like a picture puzzle.

Going round in circles,
That's what he does best.
Turning my opinions inside out,
Pushing me, pulling me, being with me.
He says am special, he says am not.
He never says yes or no.
Deftly playing my heart like strings,
tucking, twisting, threading me.
He wears my heart on his sleeve,
Like a cuff-link.

He is frozen in time,
At a place where everything moves slowly,
Snow flakes falling round his heart.
He doesn't move to stop the pattern,
Stuck between past and future
There is a place where it all makes sense,
Somewhere he lost himself.

It was the way he said my name that broke my layers of resolve not to cry.
I was weak, just like always.
Why did i expect this time to be different?
To hurt less simply cause I didn't want to cry?
It was the seriousness in his voice, I think, which tripped me up.
He really wanted out.
I was desperate, homicidal even.
I didn't want to be alone.
The shadows scared me.
Following me around like a tracker,
I couldn't help a shudder everytime I caught sight of one.
They grew and shrank in seeming unison.
I clutched his robes and begged.
I will do anything, just don't leave me alone.
They might hurt me.
I have lost everything.
Please oh please I don't want to be alone.
My cries fell on deaf ears.
He had turned away, his face like stone.
This was time to pay.

I won't apologize
For things I said to your face.
Neither am I sorry,
For those I never said.
Ideas conceived in half hearted attempts to care,
after one fail top many.
Repeatedly making the same mistakes,
With the same people.
Designs made by the architect,
Or maybe revised for personal gain.

I will not uncry tears that were born
from unbearable pain I could not contain.
Wiping moist eyes with bruised thumbs,
Choking on regrets and convicted half truths.
I wear my tears like a safety belt,
To keep my body in check.

I do not regret knowing this life
That shaped me. Bent me. Built me.
I am pulp and foam,
I was made and not pre existent.
I am new.

He weaves a web with his words
Somehow, am caught between here and there
The distance doesn't matter,
Not as long as he writes.
And I am enthralled, captivated,
If only for a while.
I long to look upon his face,
Listen as he speaks of what he feels,
I want him to reach out to me,
And ask me to stay.

I find myself addicted,
Hooked.
Drawn in.
To your words and presence,
I can't bring myself to leave,
You have me bound to you.
Might be the promise of days to come,
Or how time loses its edge.
It is minutes or days when we talk,
I lose count of the moments we share together.
There is nowhere that I yearn to be,
except here.
I am lost and yet feel like I belong.
I am halfway to euphoria,
Held back by the allure of you.

I am craving a cuddle like a smoker needs their
fix.
My heart's racing, fingers twitching and thoughts scattering.
I want you, need you, can't have you.
My breath hitches in my chest,
Temperature rises and I break in a sweat.
I am suffocating, losing my calmness.
I draw on my inner strength, deep breaths.
Panic seizes my unrest.
I need something, anything to take my mind off the stress.
I need you.
Do be my fortress.

My love,

It’s time to talk again. I know your heart is closing up so fast so the words I say won’t stab you where it hurts. It’s time to say everything we couldn’t when we were together and feared that words would be too much to convey what we meant. I want to talk about being together and yet being alone. The loneliness consumes me and the silence deafens me.

I wish I could lie and say that I am happy, but you can always see the depth of sorrow in my eyes. You once said I had the saddest eyes. We have forgotten to love as we are, instead we try to change and mold the other. I asked you what love was, you said you weren’t sure. I told you what I felt and you called it dependence.

I wake up everyday and watch you do things you know I would not like, for people I don’t like. You won’t do the little things for me, you don’t care that I wilt a little when you don’t put me first. I feel like you don’t want to be together, you might not need to be with someone.

I think you’re looking for something no one can give you. I know you will get angry that am tired and weary of trying. You need to see the truth, I don’t have the strength to fight alone. To cry for you, to die for you. I have been alone while I am with you, and I no longer wish to try.

You were this close to breaking,
And I helped add the last crack.
After that everything else crumbled.
The smile you saved for good days,
The love you shared even if it hurt you.
The promise to hold on.
You couldn't take much more,
especially when you felt alone.

I should not have let go of your hand.
I knew you needed the strength.
In putting myself first you felt alone.
All those times I walked away,
The pain of nails keeping you away intensified.
You were mine to protect and I left you alone.
And now you're broken,
Your spirit scattered as shards.

I loved you when I told you so,
It broke my heart to leave you then.
But you hurt me too much,
you just didn't care about my feelings.
You laughed when I screamed out in frustration.
Taking a piece of my sanity with you.
I wanted to hit you,
You broke my heart into pieces.

I loved you when I told you so.
That day you joined your lips to mine.
It was everything they said it would be.
My heart came home to you.
I hoped we would meet in between the moments we fought,
Where none of us was giving an inch.
Instead we saw different things,
You wanted less, I wanted more.

I loved you when I told you so.
I loved you then and now.
I know you're trying to get this back,
Even though you blew this to bits.
I wait for you, I pine for you,
Come back to me.

I think of you, everytime I open my eyes.
I see your face in the shadows watching me.
You look worried for me.
Do you think I have changed too much?
Am not the same carefree girl who fell in love.
The pain pushed me to leave,
I couldn't take it anymore.
Being dismissed as easily as everyone else.
You let me fall when you weren't willing to be there with me.
You broke me to pieces when you left without saying goodbye.
Now I see your face in every curve,
I hear your voice in the echos of your absence.
I want you with every tear.
I need you.

When you said you loved me,
I didn't think you meant it.
But now I see the little things you do for me.
I know you think am heartless,
Leaving you out in the cold.
I just don't know how to love you,
It's been a painful many years.
Am trying not to push you away,
I can't let you close.
Don't you see am broken?
I need some time and space.
I'm trying not to love you.
I can't trust my own heart.
I need you to hold my hand,
Am doing my best here.

You're in my songs,
You're in my dreams.
Every memory reminds me why I need you.
But I don't want to be wrapped up in you.
You consume me,
Filling me with images of you.
I hate how your face fills up my thoughts,
The way you look at me.
I am lost when you hold me.
I say I won't let you get close.
But when you say my name,
I run into your arms.
You make me give up my illusions
Of what love is.
Being with you immerses me in a bubble,
You're all that exists for me.
You invade my memories,
I can't remember life before you.
You lead me down a narrow road,
Where all I see and hear is you.
I only feel when you touch me.
I don't know how to go on without you.
I don't want to start if you're not here.

He said he would leave her,
She was always nagging him,
Besides; he loved me more.
He wanted to be with me, he said.
Poor little fool I was, I ate it all up.
Like vanilla icecream with a scoop.
I wanted to be with him.
Instead, I was lost in his lies and promises.
He could not leave,
He was invested in her.

I want to walk away,
But each time I take a step away,
find myself even closer to you.
You pull me in with those moments you let me see into your heart,
That am nestled there together with your fondest memories.
You whisper promises I can't resist.
I turn my back and you hold me close,
Your arms around my waist.
I lose my resolve to leave and hold you back.
I love you even as I try to stop,
My heart beats faster when you take my hand.
I can't leave you yet I have to go.
Am stuck on you.

Today your smile was a little stronger,
A little less brittle than before.
Your hug a little tighter,
Arms encircling my heart.
Your pulse steadier,
Beating to no worries at the time.
I lean in to hear your voice,
Unwavering as you ask me to stay.
I can feel the resolve in your words,
You are firmer in your request.
I long to sink in your embrace,
Bury my face in your neck and let go.
But instead I cling to the past,
The smoky tendrils of doubts I had about your love.
I hold your hand tighter,
Can you feel this thing we have between us?
My body trembles as you take your hand,
I need you so much.
Ask me again, my dear.
I will do anything for you.

After I am gone,
I want you to find me again,
as my essence walks along the streets ,
searching for something I can't define.
I want you to look at me,
See me in the smile of a hurried woman.
remember me.
If your eyes meet mine,
recognize a love you had once.
The kisses that made you lean closer.
The scent you couldn't help yourself from whiffing.
If you find me,
Remember me,
And our love.

You saved me,
From my destructive self and hormonal imbalance.
From intrusive people and ruthless ideas.
You were there,
to tell me to open my eyes.
To push me forward when I almost gave up.
You said I should think before I act,
So I never learnt.
You took away my mistakes and experience.