Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
  Aug 2019 Emma Highlander
They laugh and I smile
I haven't felt this good about myself in awhile
I love making people laugh
It seems to be my craft
I can make everyone feel good with a quick bite of my tongue
...not everyone
I don't make you laugh anymore
I used to make us both laugh till we were sore
I don't think I'll ever make you laugh again
That's because you aren't my lover anymore and you aren't my friend
I'm actually sure you hate me now
It's strange how life can turn out
I saw you in a restaurant and you wouldn't even look at me
It makes me sad to remember how happy we used to be
I miss the sound of your laughter
I miss the conversations we would have after
Now, you probably laugh for someone else
But overthinking is bad for my health
Everyone else will laugh with me tonight
And I'll go home alone and be alright
But I'll try not to cry as I think about you
And all the laughing we used to do.
  Aug 2019 Emma Highlander
Like an old friend inviting you to come inside.
Familiar. Comforting.
It will grasp you in its arms and hold you close;
And when you're ready to leave, it wont let you go.
You will beg and plead to be happy,
and it will put up a fight.
It will make you think that the only way to escape it is to take your own life.
If you are lucky, you can break free;
and it will sit and watch you from afar.
Calling your name.
Welcoming you back into it's arms.
It will intrude your thoughts.
Make you think you are worthless.
That you're better off dead.
Just keep telling yourself that it's all in your head.
Keep moving. You will get far.
Depression is not who you are.
DISCLAIMER: This is only from my personal point of view and how my battle with depression has been. Even though I am trying to recover, the battle gets very difficult for me sometimes and I have to remind myself that I am not my mental illness. My mental illness does not define me.
  Aug 2019 Emma Highlander
See this smile?
Isnt it perfect?
Isnt it beautiful?
I spent so long perfecting this hand crafted mask
and Everyone loves it
I mean it looks nice
                It looks so..

I like how it looks too
Though its not how i feel
I still like looking the role im supposed to play
Always happy
Always someones Ray of sunshine

I love it so much that i hate taking it off anymore
I dont want to have people concerned about me
I dont want anyone worrying about me and my insecurities
  Its such a waste of valuable life

This mask has saved me and otheres so much
Its only ever failed me twice or so
I just
love it
Its hid the real me from the world
I know thats for the best
Of others
The people i love
Maybe even me
One day
I might convince myself i am happy
That i am loved
not for this perfect mask
But maybe loved for Who i really Am
If the world could even take that
  Aug 2019 Emma Highlander
Depression doesn’t just involve tears
Sometimes it’s feeling irrational fears.
Thinking I’m not good enough to do certain things
And when I try to do something, that doubt sings.

Other times, I could be tired
Unable to do things I once desired.
Throughout the day, I’m zoning out
And when I wake up, I just want to shout.

Depression doesn’t just involve tears.
I sit down in class, trying my best to ignore the stares.
As I look down at my feet, unable to feel
Sometimes I doubt my sadness is real.

Throughout the day, I find myself not caring.
About work or teachers or even those that are swearing.
And even when I get home, I still can’t place
Why life feels like such a race.

Depression doesn’t just involve tears.
Sometimes I’m just wondering whether anyone cares.
Most times I'm lying aimlessly in my bed.
Full of wordless thoughts in my head.

But I know, at least when I’m with her.
I’ll forget what all these feelings were.
With her by my side, I know I can experience that certain feeling
And then we can both start the process of healing.
Emma Highlander Nov 2018
Hello Monster,
I don’t know what you look like here.
But I can feel you coming back.
I knew you lived in his hands
Because it hurt
Whenever he put them on my hips
You sharpened my inhales
and they cut my heart on their way
to my lungs.
I knew how you poisoned my name
when they came out of her lips
because it sounded
like someone who looks better
with cut wrists.
she was broken anyway.
I grew to know you quite well.
You let go of my throat
and seemed to hold my hand
We were friends you
and I.
Maybe all it took was
a change of scenery.
My hair grew longer
and so did your claws.
And now I can’t see you until
I’m already bleeding.
I didn’t know how his eyes
on me, would make me
want to be skinny.
Until you were cutting away
all the parts around the edges
that had grown soft since
we stopped fighting.
Bony is beautiful
you whispered.
I didn’t know
you were in her back
until you showed me
how it bends when
it turns away from me.
I didn’t know you were in my knees
that ache now as I chase
and crave someone's lips
on me in the dark.
Because maybe someone will
want me
when they can’t see me.
When they can’t see us.
You’re back inside of me.
I know you are.
And it scares me.
Because I’m starting to see you again.
You look just like me.

Sincerely, Emma
Emma Highlander Nov 2018
There is no more painful love
than unrequited love
A heart that is open
pouring out to another
but an empty space
like a vacuum
with nothing in return

Like giving a gift
‘Tis better to give than receive
And the heart offers freely
all of its wonderful presents

Free of expectations
when truly filled with love
It blindly releases itself to another
With a simple creed
‘I am for you’

Like the wall of a dam
suddenly letting go
A deluge of emotions
Thoughtful, interest, caring, warmth, love
A flowing waterfall
of Niagara proportions

However, without intention

which goes without saying
since the truer the love
the blinder it be

The vacated space
creates a sudden vacuum
A sharp, deep pit left
where once all of itself was housed

For a brief time
the heart is unaware
still glowing in the warmth
from the happiness and joy
of the love it gives

But slowly the glow fades
And the presence of the empty space
becomes more obvious
and apparent

A coldness sets in
An addict looking for a fix
The heart desperately seeks
in return what it has given

Never intending to give with strings
but so it finds itself
now tied to another
with the strongest of bonds

The intense fulfilling feeling
once experienced
Replaced with anguish,
longing, loneliness and pain

The mind and heart begin
an epic civil war
Feeling the torment
and seeing the destruction
the mind invokes all its resources
to break the bonds
the heart has created

But with hope that is
almost sad and pitiful
the heart refuses to let go
So sure of the ties it made
And fighting back with all
of its might to defeat
any attempt
the mind has
to remove the bonds of love

A man at war with himself
will find himself at war with others
And so, the inner conflict
resonates outwardly
displayed aptly with defiance
and destruction

Like a pebble in a pond
each action creates ripples
Slowly at first
but then with exponential speed
a life is destroyed
leaving only a broken
and beaten shell

And after all the destruction
and loss
All of the pain and suffering
The tears and sorrow
At this moment
standing on a pile
of nothing but debris
The mind,
with a sense of arrogance
and certainty,
confronts the heart
and pointedly asks,
“Do you see now?!
Do you see the
error of your ways??
Look what it has cost us!
Do you see the
mistake you’ve made?!”

Without hesitation or waiver
the heart responds
with a steady certainty
that is calm and cool in nature,
“No. Love is a risky venture.
One always, ‘takes a chance at love’.
But I will not admit
fault for trying.
When I love
I love freely and openly
I offer all of myself
without expectations
It’s only when you get involved
and create conflict within
that we have problems
To love is to love
It brings joy and happiness within itself
If it is not returned
then it is not returned
but an open and loving heart
can not feel emptiness and pain for it is filled with love
And there is no greater reward
than finding that love in another
and having another
find that love
in you
Life *****, Because there is to much Unrequited love
You laugh
Angels weep out of jealousy
Devils have no single conspiracy
Demons dancing in harmony
Men hearts go broken with no remedy
Women eyes tearing continuously
Violins break out of envy terribly
Composers have no more creativity
Music plays with no melody
Silence starts listening joyfully
Happiness laughters left in agony
Beautiful words describe nothing but misery
Tulip flowers become colorless shamefully
Believers lose their faith immediately
Infidels drop their convictions instantly
Hearts start beating rapidly
Lungs oxygenating quickly
Living ones laying listening carefully
The dead come back miraculously

--Hisham Alshaikh
You Laugh. Version 1.
Next page