I'll hold my head up high,
And pretend not to cry,
But when I go inside,
My feelings are deprived.

How do you hide a suicidal tendency?
It's just the effect of the end of you and me.
Time takes forever to go by,
I sit here and I wonder why.

I inked my skin with your name,
As you swore you wouldn't play the game,
Russian roulette,
As good as you could get,
But there was someone who was better yet.

Spin the bottle,
Load up the gun,
And tell yourself  it's only a bit of fun.

The future can't be real,
If the deal is not sealed,
A debt you will pay,
For playing this game.

Spinning,
Spinning,
Round and round,
It lands on you as you bow your head to the ground.

Pick up the gun,
It's no longer fun,
Death is calling,
You're slowly falling.

Bang,
The shot was perfect,
Right through your skull,
As if It was worth it.

You fell to the floor,
I ran out of the door,
Never to return to our place we called "home".

It wasn't a game of roulette,
It was our series of events,
You killed yourself,
Due to the sadness that you felt.

So this is my spin on things,
I'll pour a glass and admit my sins,
Before I join in,
With your game of Russian roulette.

Light up another cigarette,
It's all I do since you left,
Hold a gun to my head,
No promises were ever kept.

Finish off another whiskey bottle,
Around my neck a rope will throttle,
Time doesn't heal things,
I wish I had you here to sing.

I keep your notes locked away;
For when I miss you the next day,
I'll read your words and sing your songs,
Then spark up another ****.

So what if these things are killing me?
I'm dying everyday that you're not with me,
I wanted a future with you,
But now all we have is history.

Alex is the best, even when she wants to die.
The whole world sits and waits, 'until she doesn't want to die.
We're both only sixteen, skipping class to smoke ****.
In her brother's house, we saw it on TV, we left immediately.

And the light comes through the window and shines,
Off the stem of her brother's crackpipe.

Alex is my friend, we meet up after school
Her brother knows a guy, who can sell me lots of pills
Lying on her back, she says she wants to die
Then she buys a gram of coke, and she doesn’t want to die.

Summer storm makes for a blackened sky
I wonder where Alex is tonight

My blood,
Is like honey on bones.
It drips down my wrist,
like ice cream from a cone.

I don"t want to be awake again,
I spend my days with my head in my hands.
If I go outside I"ll fall apart.
I am mostly scared of passing time,
the world it seems gets more unkind.
Inevitable tragedy will soon be mine.

I am looking for an easy place,
to mask my thoughts behind my face.
Oh brown baked column of victory.
Maybe I should just pack up and run away again,
and let you forget that you where once my friend.
Then watch another go on and do better without me.

But I could not go away, not if I wanted to.
I can hide from friends but I cannot hide from you.
These chemical reactions are dividing me.
Self-deprecating thoughts are interrupting all the time,
emphasizing all the traits that I wish weren"t mine.

They speak louder than everybody
I try to keep my eyes closed as my outlook isn"t bright,
compulsively complaining when I haven"t got the right.

I hate the way that I think and act.
I want to end reality but I feel hesitant,
optimistic that the future will be more concerned than the present,
and so for today I"ll remain intactz