when eventually we grew so
close, so connected
that we dissolved into each other- I started to
hear your thoughts, you grew heavy with
my feelings
and we held onto [this] so tight
navigating through this little world as a single entity-
as proud as though we ourselves had invented love
But when we became one person
my darling
we no longer had separate heads to put together
to admit
to accept
we were each only realizing
half our potential.

I once fell in love with a boy who smelled of stale cigarettes, liquor, and burning desperation.
The first secret he ever revealed to me was that all he knew was being alone and running from everything in this world. At the time, I told him I’d be his rest stop and didn’t realize that he’d eventually have to start running again.
I once fell in love with a boy who had suicidal tendencies and often never slept.
With tired eyes, he would tell me he just wanted it to stop and would cry to me for hours.
I once fell in love with a boy I'd do anything for regardless of the consequences.
I once fell in love with a boy who had no family.
Many days, he would call me in the middle of the night and tell me how much he cherished me and how much I made up for his lost family.
I once fell in love with a boy who was desperate for love, but couldn’t give it because he was at war with himself.
All his empty “I love you’s” were believable, but I wasn’t properly trained to fight his demons or to take down the walls he built up so high inside of himself. The weapons I tried to provide were too outdated and did nothing.
I once fell in love with a boy who hated his mother.
His hate for her was often reflected back onto me, and I spent many nights crying.
I once fell in love with a boy who would tell me the sweetest things, and be able to turn around and leave me black and blue.
I once fell in love with a boy who sold drugs.
I worried about his safety, but he very often assured me nothing would happen and would kiss me then thank me for caring.
I once fell in love with a boy who was terrified of being a failure and was driven by money.
Many days, I would go ignored or mistreated and he would apologize to me by buying me opulent gifts that didn’t really make up for the small heartbreaks I endured.
I once fell in love with a boy who did not care about me, and didn't even check to see if I was okay when my heart broke.
I once fell in love with a boy who knew he was destined to run away and break my heart.
The first secret he ever revealed to me was that all he knew was being alone and running from everything in this world.
At the time, I told him I’d be his rest stop and didn’t realize that he’d eventually have to start running again.
When he was finally strong enough to start running again, I wasn’t really prepared for it because in the months I'd spent with him, I'd grown selfish and wanted him by my side forever.
I thought he’d stop and rest forever because it's far easier to stop and do nothing, but I had forgotten who he was and forgot that I had been helping him train so he could run towards something better instead of running away from his past.
I once fell in love with a boy who ran off with the best parts of me.