i've sat here for minutes
the page is blank
the feelings are real
but i just don't know the words
i write, i erase
a line here
a rhyme there
a feint toward a stanza
a retreat
i try again
probing, testing, stepping back
the right words don't arrive
i don't know if they even exist
i miss you
and that's the most poetic way i can say it

It's a strange thing,
Sadness.
How it comes and goes.
Happy one second
Staring out the window the next.
Listening to Coldplay
While the tear slides down my cheek.
So dramatic.
I know.
But it happens,
All the time,
When I ask myself,
Why do I allow myself to be happy,
When so much bad has happened?

The walls are thin
and I can hear them
talking about me.

They don't bother to whisper,
shouting my faults
insults
teases
blaming me
for all that is wrong.

The walls are thin,
and even blasting my music
lovely lana
cannot drown out their curses.
but the walls don't really matter.

Funny,
people drive me home
and they say
they wait
to make sure I get inside safe,
but don't wait
to make sure I come out safe.
One foot in the door
and the insults come rushing
it's a battle to breath
only harsh cruel words are spoken
and my silence cannot lessen them.

Every breath I take
is deserving
of a slap in the face
and screams
inches from my heart
the air is cold
and tense
so I keep the lights off
so the only light
comes from my computer
where I can hide away
in fictional stories
and superheroes
wishing I was one of them.

The walls are thin
the walls don't matter
it's like they're not there at all
I'm always under attack
getting text messages at school
to let me know how bad I am
I have nowhere to run
nowhere to go
no place to stay
I'm stuck fighting every night
bones too weak from the fight
to get up each morning
the best I can do
is stay barely alive
seconds from tears
hoping one day
I can be liberated.

Kiss my lips and stare into my eyes
I'll forget all your faults and all of your lies.
I'll give you a chance, it's only one night of pleasure.
A night of love making that won't last forever.

We met by chance because we were both quite alone
So let's have a little fun in the no strings attached zone
We can play mature games without any regret
But when our time ends, please remember to forget

I could care less about who you are and what you do
You're just a one nighter and someone to *****
We can smile, we can laugh, but don't expect any love to come your way
I just needed some pleasure, some pain, so goodbye and have a nice day.

That's what you called it-
with that lovely little smirk on your face.
I should have know then the conversation was not
headed in the right direction.
The way you "classified" our night of cuddles and laughter-
as a one night stand.
I thought we were working things out-
that you were going to take a chance.
I should have known you were too much of a calculated person for that.
The risk was too great.