All I wanted was love
All I wanted was happiness
All I wanted was you to see that I care about you
All I wanted was my heart to be whole
All I wanted was to not be Heart Broken
All I wanted was you.......

But the first time when we fight and I want to show you my emotions aren't TOYS and to teach you how to fully love, you take it to far...
So my heart is broken I hope you understand and your stupid ******* ex can go DIE in a hole!!

My heart is once again shattered and its bleeding everywhere....
Do you even care?
Do you even really Love me?

If not just know........*I still love you and will always love you <3

Lately all I've done is cry and cry and cry
Sometimes I wonder why I even continue to try...

I can't tell if my tears are from you leaving
Or from other people basically painfully cleaving...

I don't want to say it's from you leaving because I care to much
I can't say it's from other people because I see them everyday at lunch...

I don't want to continue anymore because my world is gone
My world was you but I wasn't good enough for you...

I used to not let people hurt me because you gave me confidence
But now they see I'm hurt and hurt me worse...

I know you see it but it's like you don't even care
So I just let people walk all over me like the do dirt...

I've lost all self-respect but I hear them speak your name
And I come to your defense every time no matter who it is..

I have lost all sense of self-worth but you are still worth Me defending you and still being loyal towards....

Ever since you left all I've done is cry so now everyone
Looks at me and says you are a HEARTLESS ***** because I show no emotion to anyone anymore....

I show no emotion because I'm afraid of being hurt once again by people I thought cared about me, by people who I thought loved me.....But then again No one can...

So I'll just be that heartless ***** everyone see's because honestly
I am heartless but only because you took my heart when you Left......

Somebody....


Anybody....

Please help me, I can't take it, I want to leave and never come back
It's not fair the way I get treated and I want out...
And if nobody wants to or Can't, I'll just.......

I'll just take myself out....

Here's the deal I do me and you stay the hell away form me unless you want your esophagus broken because darling don't under estimate me...

I can go from Lady to ghetto 2.5 seconds.

Its been awhile since I've last told you how I truly feel.
I love you and that's a true fact because you make my head reel.

I just can't help but feel the way I do.
Maybe you feel the same way too?

The more I think about it, the more I wonder
But should I stop before I Plunder?

I don't deserve you and that's the truth.
If I did truly deserve you why do I not feel that truth?

I want to be with you for as long as I can
I mean come on Saturday 2/7/15 marked three months for us man

But I feel as if you could better...

And this isn't me saying I'm breaking up with you.

This is me expressing how I feel towards you.

I love you with all my heart don't ever forget that...

But babe PLEASE don't break my heart!!

Granted when it does come to the point of ending the relationship
I'm gonna be hurt regardless.

I'm going to cry and be depressed for a little bit but I'll get over it....Eventually.

I guess the whole point of this was to express how I feel with you and to tell you if you don't want to be with me...please tell me now...don't lead me on.

You make me feel special, like one of a kind.
But do I make you feel like that?
Or do I just make it ******* you?

I LOVE YOU...WITH ALL MY HEART
*Please don't ever forget that

This is the last straw
I just don't think it's fair that I get treated like a shawl.

You can't just wear me down and then pick me up
Making me hope, for... what your love and brotherly affection?

At this point I just don't care anymore.
I know your only 11 and a half but you know what...

Your a ****.
And I just don't care anymore what you think, feel or have to say.

I'm done.

I can't help how I am
I can't help how I talk
I can't help that that's me
I mean really,
I'm just a (abnormal) Girl
----------------------------------------
I like to have my Fantasies
I know you do too
So why  am I so different?
I'm just a (abnormal) Girl.
-----------------------------------------
I like to Dream of a world
A world where everything is great
A world where I can actually be Happy
A world with You
-----------------------------------------
I like to sit to myself and Wonder
Wonder what life would be like
If  I wasn't born....
Wonder what it would be like
To have a Demon for a companion
Or just someone who Understands
After all I am just a (abnormal) Girl
--------------------------------------------
I sometimes dream of things so...
So Obscured that others would run
I dream so Vividly I can smell
Every sent, Taste every sensual taste
Feel every wonderful texture So would you be afraid if I
Told you of my (abnormal) Dreams?
My dreams of me and you?
--------------------------------------------
I just want you to except me like
You do in my head, my dreams,
My fantasies but then again
I'm just a (abnormal) Girl.
---------------------------------------------
I want to be able to wrap my arms around
Your neck and inhale your wonderful
Manly scent while you Hold me close
I want to be able to kiss you and know you
Feel the same about me....But those are just
Dreams, Dreams from a (abnormal) Girl
Who only wants to be Accepted
-----------------------------------------------
Bu­t I guess they are  just dreams
Because after all I'm just a (abnormal) Girl.
-----------------------------------------------
And maybe one day will be
A Normal* girl,
But for now can't I just be accepted?

Things just aren't like before

I love you just as before.

But sadly I'm scared, I feel as if we are drifting apart
and I want to cry. I try and be the best girlfriend I can be
but is it enough to keep you next to me?

I think I'm just paranoid, but am I right?
Are we drifting?
Going our separate ways?
I'm not leaving and that's because I love you so much
Yes it sounds clingy, but your are my light in my world of darkness...

*Please don't leave me in the dark babe, I'm scared

I'm sorry........
Breaks down and cries
I'm sorry........
cries even more and pleads for forgiveness
I'm sor-
He stops me and kisses my tears away
"Don't be sorry babe, you have nothing to be sorry for."
*stops crying and walks hand in hand into the bedroom

In a world like mine you have to understand my logic on:
Darkness and Demons
Hate and Love
Blood and Death
Being a ***** and just Protecting
Not giving a crap and Giving up

And most of all you have to understand ME so if you don't understand me and refuse to get to know me....Well you have no right to question my logic and you certainly have no right to question a world like mine.

***** please!
******* and your Feelings!
I don't care!

Is it bad that I crave your touch?
Is it bad that I love it when you tease me?
Is it bad that I love it when you turn me on?
Is it bad that I feel like I'm in love?
Is it bad that I'm willing to defy everything my family said just to be with you?

Is it bad if tomorrow or tonight I say I love you.....

Is it okay if I just cry? I want to be there with you and snuggle, cuddle, and kiss you until I can drive all your demons and bad feelings away.

So is it okay if I just cry?

I want to tie her down and slit her throat,
Then when I do it watch her scream and cry for help
all while trying to stop the blood.

"Your not gonna make it. So you might as well take what came."
She looks t me and shoots me the bird she has managed to keep a towel around the cut applying pressure.
"Sorry, you may be my step-mom but that can still be considered ******."
I have the look of destruction, tasting and smelling blood, then my Vision goes red and I'm gone.

I walk up to her slowly and with a psychotic grin.
I lean down close and whisper in her hear,
"Is ****** an option?" then cut the towel and slice her throat once more, this time cutting the artery hard and deep.

I guess ****** was an option.

I take it not because I want to...but because I have too.
I don't take it because I just want to be with you,
But because if I don't I could lose you....

Forever

I don't deal with being treated like **** because I can't defend myself,
I deal with it because It's a Requirement.
If I fall to my knees and seem like a little ***** who can't defend
they tend to leave me alone...But if I show my determined side
My rebellious streak...
I'm gone...

Forever

Like I said I don't deal with this **** because I want to
But only because It's a Requirement to stay safer then what I would be if I didn't deal with it.

I understand your concern but...
There is nothing you can do about it.

I understand you don't like it but...
There is no reason to hit me.

I understand your angry but seriously
GROW UP!!

After this incident

I understand if you don't find me worthy and don't want to be with me anymore....

Yeah it will hurt but I'm  used to the heart break, and sadness so in the end you will just be causing a ripple in my ocean of tears and pain.

Sooooo I have a crush on this one boy.....
                                                       But have no Courage to tell him
I have Fear instead.
    
                                    If only he knew why I'm always Looking at him
Why I'm always so Shy around him
                                                           But not around my Closer friends
I Like him a lot...
                                                              Since the First time I saw him...
I've Thought about him
                                                 I just wish he would pay attention
Pay attention to the Clues
                                                         That I don't mean to Give
But Still do.......

A real women can do it all by herself......
But a Real man won't let her.

The people who know the least about you
Have the most to say.

Telling a girl to "Calm down"  when
She's mad Is like trying to Baptize a cat.

April 1st

"Babe I'm breaking up with you.I just don't think it's going to work between us. I'm sorry."

"Your kidding right?"

Boyfriend turns and walks away

"Babe, please tell me your kidding right? Right!?"

LOVE is PAINFUL and when you find it or think you have found it
you should RUN far, far away because it will ONLY cause HEART ACHE

I don't care...
...If he Plays with my heart then throws it away

...If he Embraces me tight, but will never stay

...If he Rejects my love, I'll offer it again.

...If he Fails to love me back, I'll love him even then

...If he Erases me from his life, my emotions won't fade

...If he Curses me for my strife, I still won't be afraid.

...He isThe one, I know that for me he is made...

!
                                                               ­                       g
                                        ­                                         n
                                                                ­             i
                                                               ­                  k
                                                               ­                    o
                                                               ­                    m
                                                                ­                s
                                               ­                             e
                                  ­                                              k
                 ­                                                                 ­ i
                                                               ­                      l
                                                               ­                 s  
                                            ­                                 i
                                                               ­                  u
                                                                ­                    o  
                                                                ­                     y
                                                               ­                 g
                                              ­                               n
                                                               ­                i
                                                               ­                 v
                                              ­                                o
                               ­                                           L
llllllllllllllllllll­lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll                        ­                    
llllllllllllllllllllll                      ­                      l
lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll­llllllllllllllllllll

                                           ­                         I am Addicted to you!

A Mother's Love is Forever

Everyone says it but do they really?
The only Dream I have is of you,
I only wish my dream would come true
And you will tell me you want my heart too.

I see how you are with me so I'm hoping
That maybe, just maybe Dreams do come true.

Despise me, hate me, that's
Exactly what I need for me to entrance you.
More and more life get's long and tiring, but I enjoy that I can
Over exaggerate my imagination, destroy emotion...But look and Take
Note that no matter what You cannot hurt me, But I can hurt you....

Merry christmas...
Merry christmas...
Merry christams...

That's all you hear and you know what's it's not a Merry Christmas.
Cause no matter what there is always someone being hurt,

So yeah *MERRY ******* CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
The higher I get, the lower I'll sink.
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

Teacher: Alright Panda what are your Favorite colors?

Me: My favorite colors are Red and Black

Teacher: Interesting colors Panda, why are those your colors?

Me: I honestly doubt you want to hear the answer to that.

Teacher: Come on Panda, tell the class why those are your colors.
--------------------------------------------------------­---------------------------------------
In my head the decision warred to tell but then my life was already hard enough as it was......More and more my demons wanted release so finally I gave in prepared for the looks, name calling, and lonely life again.
----------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------Me: you really want to know  why?

Teacher: Very much yes, we would

Me: Ok then, Red and black are my favorite colors for their meanings.

Teacher: And what are their meanings?

Me: Red, stands for The blood that is shed during death, The blood that I shed when the knife glides over my skin, The blood that can be heard rushing through your veins when the fear becomes to great....The blood that your heart leaks from the poorly covered cracks from being shattered so many times....

Teacher: (Gulps) And what about black Panda?

Me: Black.....My true color.....Black, stands for the darkness and destruction warring in my mind, body, and soul, The darkness after death, The darkness in my heart from all the hatred thrown at me, The Darkness and destruction from my inner demons who keep warm and safe at night, The Darkness that one day we will all see, because nobody can escape death....Hes one bad-*** ******* who always gets his way....Those are my colors....The colors that make me and I stand for...

Teacher: Ummm....Very...Very Interesting Panda (Gulps and steps away) You know I think it's time for lunch why don't we all go to lunch yea? ( Scurries away)

Other students: I told you she was a freak......Crazy......Belongs with the dead if you ask me.....She talks about demons so much I would be surprised if she wasn't one.....

Me: Smirks You guys should learn to keep your opinions to your self, they might get you hurt one day.... (Get's up and walks out the door leaving a note for the others)

*Note- "Roses are Red, Violates are blue, Red like your blood, blue like the sea....Keep on talking soon you will all see who the true demon is and hey it just might be me." Yours truly Panda <3

My first kiss was like magic.
His lips were so soft, they made me  crave him more.
So I started to pull, and he stopped in mid kiss lips still together
and said in a teasing voice "uh-uh, no pulling" Then we continued.

I pulled away before I got lost in a world I didn't want to leave.
But little does he know when I pulled away, and wrapped my arms around him, I had tears in my eyes.

Not because I was sad, but all because I was in pure Ecstasy.
I wish I could stay with him and lay by his side but this world is cruel and dark, which makes me happy that I have him in my life to be my light.

When I look behind me I see your glorious face,
But when I go to talk to you, you disappear without a trace.

You sit outside on my window top,
So Opened it to talk to you, but you went pop!

You sent me words of wisdom,
When I wanted to ask more you simply wanted freedom.

When I was down on my knees,
I wonder if you even heard my pleas?

Mystic Angle I've seen you,
I know you've seen me too.

Why won't you come to me?
I've seen you go to thee.

Mystic Angel I only want help
So why do you make me yelp?

I guess it takes time,
But be warned you will be Mine!

Now it's time
To show you, your mine.

I've followed your trail,
Almost as if I was snail.

You lead me into an alley
And I was really becoming smiley.

You had you back turned,
So I started to creep, oh how I yearned!

Just one word that's all I wanted
But next thing I knew, I was *******.

You Disappeared right in my face
Again! without a trace.

I look up at the bright blue sky,
And scream Why, why, why?!

I just want to talk
But I guess you would prefer to walk.

I turn around and there you are
Looking at me with a smile as bright as the stars.

You whisper something, barley audible
The way your lips move were so admirable.

I run to you to catch you with my net
Then all of a sudden you turn into a pet!

I run down the road
And then I see where you un load.

I finally found you
No more turning blue.

I watched you walk into the house
So I crept as quiet as a mouse.

When I got closer realization hit me
Oh my god I remember this tree!

Then I looked closer
And slumped my shoulders.

You peeked your head out the door
And I shook my head No, no more

You beckoned me closer
And I said *No! I might as well be a composer

As I stood there My heart began sing
And I wondered why it didn't sting?

You looked inside the house
And said something, I was literally doused.

Then I heard him, His anguished screams
I ran towards the house, as my tears became streams.

Then you put your hand out, Causing me to freeze
I started to scream, but all I could do was scream PLEASE!!

You moved so Gracefully
I started thinking Hopefully.

I heard his screams,
And the tears continued to stream.

You stopped in front of me, And bent down and whispered
How much do you love thee?

I said I would die for him, Try for him, Cry for him
I would even give up my soul for him

That's when I realized, this whole thing was game!
A  sick and twisted game to make me tame!

Your body transformed, into something so foul.
I'm pretty sure my face was the ugliest Scowl.

I looked at you and screamed "You ***** liar!
Of course that was a mistake cause all you said was
*"Well *** what did you expect from the devil?"

I looked up and said What do you want from me?
Can't you see I just want my baby back with me?

He looked at me with fire
Hot enough to burn down an empire.

How much do you love him
He seemed so slim.

I would die for him, try for him, cry for him
I would even give up my soul for him, didn't I just tell you this?

---

Would you?
Would you be willing to give me your soul, let me eat it, keep you alive enough to see the torture I put your corpse through,
see me ****** innocent people everyday?

Do not make promises with the devil,
we never keep our promise,
dear,
you are literally playing with the devil right now.

I own him.
Simple as that.
I get to do whatever I would like with his soul, and soon,
with yours too it seems.

I will keep his soul, toy with it,
toy with you,
my plaything.

His is mine.

---

I don't believe you
Even demons have the chance of telling the truth.

I would sell my soul for him
Give my life to you

If you bring him back to me
Let me see him one last time

Let me tell him I'm sorry
I was wrong to mistrust

I...I love him with all my heart.

Boyfriend comes out

I love you too
Don't worry about me

I need you to be happy
Move on without me.

---

Hah! You think you can deal with the devil?
Play devil's advocate?

You are nothing but an angel
trying to be tough.

He is mine,
and this, this exchange?
Pitiful. ****.

He's a liar. He doesn't want you to move on,
He loves himself too much to think about you,
he wants you to be stuck on him,
always worship him like he's your world,
and he'd like to take all that worship and give none back.

Part of why I like him, really.
He has some very nice points,
like the fact that he is so full of himself,
and he has a certain taste for breaking people,
just to name two of his fine points.

This is quite entertaining to watch,
him spilling lies out of his mouth like blood drips from a wound,
you slurping it up as if it was water and you dehydrated.

Hmm.
I'm letting you to give me a show for 5 minutes.
And, darling, dear?
He gets some of my demonic powers.

---

Your filthy ******* liar!
I hate you!

He would never sell himself to you to make me
Come back to him.

I came back because I love him.
Runs to the house

Babe, please tell me he's lying?
I love you to much

To much to let you go
I was wrong to mistrust you

Please tell me this whole thing whole
Was just a setup?

Kisses him on the lips

Please don't let him take control!
I need you,

I need you like air to breathe.
The whole time we were apart

My blade became best friend.
Your name is carved into me.

Literally and metaphorically.
Please just tell me you love me?

---

This is interesting to watch.

I told you,
watch him.

Watch how he will
kiss you,
slip his hand down your pants...
I told you, you are nothing to him.
You are just another girl to be ******,
another innocent girl.

Watch as he will enchant you
with that devil smile
that makes me so proud,
watch how he will use you,
make you another one of his slaves.

But who am I to say anything?

---

Babe?
What are you doing?

Stop! This isn't you!

Stop, struggling and look at me
Don't you remember the first time we kissed?
Right there under that tree?

Don't focus on anything else but me.

No!
Struggles to get free
This isn't you,
This isn't me.

Now I know I was right
To set myself myself free.

You did sell yourself!
Like a ***** *****!

You never wanted me
Only my virginity!

So you know what
I'm done!

I hate you and I hate you
May you both rot in hell for all eternity!

Pulls out cross and throws it at devil

I thought you loved me
And I guess I was wrong
But don't be fooled I will always still Love you
For the man I knew
Wasn't this cruel.

When I hear a guy say "I love you" it's become a habit to yell at them and say "Don't you ever utter those words to me again!!" then get up and leave....

When a guy comes up to me and says "****, you look good today"
it's become a habit to look at them and say "Oh, so I look like **** every other day?" then get up and leave...

When a guy comes up to me and puts his arm around my waist it's become a habit to remove his arm and say "Don't touch me" then walk away....

When a guy tries to make the move and kiss me it's become a habit to put my hand in front of his lips and say "Don't even go there" then walk away....

Ever since you left it's become my new habits to get up and leave....kinda like you did....just not giving them the chance to actually *hurt me like you did...