every night i shower and brush my teeth and shave and try to look cute in my boy-short ******* and big flannel shirt because every night i hope i'll sneak out to see him
but i don't
and i miss him
and my chest aches

Happiness is illusive,
And it lies within the heart.
Now some hearts fill quickly, but drain quickly too,
Others take time to fill, but they keep in what they have earned.
Mine seems to be the former.
Filling from friendly words,
And emptying an hour later over the shallowest matter.

This being said it is not impossible to be happy, many people live happy lives

And I believe the key is to accept it all.
To live life with love.
To not search for what could make you happy, but rather your heart which will make you happy.
Happiness is the only quest in which the goal can be found at the beginning.

I miss you.
I miss you a lot.
Dear friend,
There’s so much I still don’t know- that I won’t know.

Remember? We laughed and sang and cried and learned and loved.
I do.
Remember when we talked?
We talked for hours about everything. About nothing.
I do.
Remember late nights with a high moon and loud music?
Dancing and sharing dreams.
I do.

I will always remember you. How cool we thought we were. How close we became.

Where are you now?
Why did you fade away without even saying goodbye?

Remember when you said we’d be friends forever?
I do.

I miss you.

Dear Lord, i say aloud this prayer
In hopes that you will save me from dispair
Give me light to lead the way
Love me for me, day after day
Give me strength to rise above the rest
With you by my side, i know i am blessed
From dark to light, and day to night
I pray your path will stay in sight
Birthday wishes and shining stars
Never get me really far
Its the praying and hoping every night
That helps me get through the never ending fight
With all that i am, i know you are my all
With your hand in mine, i know i wont fall
Keep my heart, my mind, and my eyes wide open
So i never cease to worship you. Amen

You never used to make me nervous.
You didn't have the capability to do so.

I was so INLOVE with you
So infatuated with your presence.

Now you're gone...

Every time we talk, i get nervous.
Scared i might say the wrong thing
And you'll just end the conversation...

When I'm with you, I get nervous.
If i make the wrong move, you'll look at me with confusion & disgust...

When i touch you, I get nervous.
Afraid my lips might contact yours &
You'll push me away...

We aren't together.
And now
You have the capability
To make
Me nervous...

I'm so used to having the world in my hands.
At least it feels like it.
I'm so used to the world disappearing every now and then.
It's a bad sense knowing the world might disappear any moment no matter how hard you grip it in your hands.
It's bad that I'm okay with the door being open, I'm prepared for a few more scars.
I'm okay with dreaming.
I'm okay with pain.
I'm okay with not knowing where to go.
I'm okay with scars on my knuckles.
I'm okay with trying for whats worth it at the moment.
I'm okay with consequences.
I'm okay with not knowing what to write about sometimes.
I'm okay with giving up addictions, I found a new one, at least for the moment.
I'm okay.

Our embrace lasted too long.
We loved right down to the bone.  
I hear the bones grind, I see  
our two skeletons.

Now I am waiting
till you leave, till
the clatter of your shoes
is heard no more. Now, silence.

Tonight I am going to sleep alone  
on the bedclothes of purity.
Aloneness
is the first hygienic measure.  
Aloneness
will enlarge the walls of the room,  
I will open the window
and the large, frosty air will enter,  
healthy as tragedy.
Human thoughts will enter
and human concerns,
misfortune of others, saintliness of others.  
They will converse softly and sternly.

Do not come anymore.  
I am an animal  
very rarely.

I hear when you're upset, a walk calms your mind
It explains why you're in stride all of the time
I know, right now, I'm the cause of your feverish pace
I'm the reason you've took to the trail and covered your face
So I suppose it makes sense that I should apologize
I know you love your shoes, but take this walk in mine
The souls they share - they're already worn
The toes are scuffed and the laces torn
They've been everywhere I've ever tried to roam
Eyelets have seen it all, except a peaceful home
The right tongue, it sometimes slips and lies out right
And the heel has turned, but not without a fight
They know how to cut shapes, they've kicked ideas around
Their views on life and the world are quite profound
The curve where your arch rests, it almost feels divine
They could be a perfect fit, yeah, they're my size nines